Pls help controlling Dh left my sim card in a hotel should I be worried?

[purpleyammy]

Dh is controlling and lies a lot. Please don’t say anything about the relationship I have tried various ways of leaving including refuges etc but they can’t help me, I am ill and totally financially dependent on him for my dc.

recently he swapped my SIM card to an eSIM and my phone didn’t work. I don’t know what he did as the phone is in his name even tho I’d rather it wasn’t.

he took my original SIM card out and this was a couple of weeks ago. He’s now telling me he has no idea where my sim is. Should I be worried? I’ve had the same number for over /20 years and my phone is now not been working for two weeks. We are now not in the U.K. I’m worried as I drive a lot and have no phone now for even emergencies. I do have wifi calling but no signal unless I’m near wifi and this country doesn’t have a lot of wifi spots so unless I’m home I can’t use my phone. Should I be worried about my SIM card being left in a hotel?! Is there any security risks possible? He’s lied and lied and I’ve finally got out of him he left it there.

Why can't a refuge help you?

Do you have any money to go and buy your own mobile phone?

Buy a sim in the supermarket and put it in your phone, give everyone who needs it (except him) your new number

He has stolen your SIM, report the theft to the phone company and ask them if it is in use. If there are numbers programmed in the phone you might need to warn your friends.

No level of financial woes is worse than what you are currently experiencing.

If this were normal circumstances, the phone provider could easily replace a lost SIM card with the same number, but as the account is not in your name, he’s not likely to do this, as he’s deliberately cut you off from all help.

Get a cheap phone with a PAYG sim and hide it.

Yes, do this.

@Thelnebriati She can't do that because it's in his name.

Go and buy your own phone as soon as possible.

will this mean losing my old number? I don’t want to do that as I can’t contact friends/family easily but they can contact me on that number which even when I can’t reply leaves me hope im not completely forgotten. I think he’s deliberately done this so I no longer have my old number. I have no phone right now after I finally broke down about this situation he’s offered to buy a foreign sim but he’s so controlling there is no way I can contact everyone without him knowing.

Also is there any security risk for leaving the sim in a hotel. I believe he hasn't got it and has left it behind.

How can a refuge not help?

I don't know, but this is terrifying. Why can't a refugee help

Do you have anyone you can stay with? Is your house in his name/ joint names?

Yes, you've lost your old number.

If you're too ill to work, can you not get financial help with that in the country you're in?

Also is there any security risk for leaving the sim in a hotel. I believe he hasn't got it and has left it behind.

There might be depending on what info is stored on it, which is why I suggested you contact the provider. You can tell them the situation.

I think you have more important things to worry about than your sim being left in a hotel. For a start the fact that he clearly hasn't left it anywhere, he has removed it to isolate you. You absolutely need to get away from this man, have you told anyone in real life how controlling he is?

To reassure you on the SIM falling into the hands of crooks, he’s almost certainly either destroyed or kept it if he’s done this deliberately.

But you can’t live like this OP and don’t kid yourself that it isn’t affecting your children, how are old are they? You get one go at life and you deserve a better one. In the last 5 years there has been a huge push on awareness of coercive control. Can you drive? When you get back to the U.K. please ring Women’s Aid, the police, or a domestic abuse charity close to you for advice. If you have living family, I’d consider flitting with the children after you have advice. You need to get out of there as you are frozen with fear in that household. You will get help and it will be initially terrifying but he hasn’t the power you think he has in any way except psychologically over you. A few months down the line you will be so relieved you did it.

How old are your children?

Sometimes women find contacting WA or the police too scary. It can help if they can be persuaded to talk to someone else first. That can also help them to document this kind of abuse and build a case for the future.

Your U.K. phone number may not work in the foreign country anyway. Unless you have international roaming on it are are prepared to pay £1+ per minute for voice and 50p+ per text.

The eSIM should include a phone number for the foreign country. You can use it to get a What’s App account and do voice calls to your friends and family in the U.K. for free. Although this requires WiFi.

As the physical SIM is not in your phone, you can go ahead and get your own phone contract. The contract is linked to the SIM, not the physical phone.

A phone can have more than one eSIM on it and you can switch between them as needed.

An option is to purchase an eSIM from Holafly for Europe. This will give you a European phone number and for most U.K. phone companies, calls to European phone numbers are not long distance, but local and within their phone packages. You can buy an eSIM from Holafly for any number of days and top it up as you go. Your family might be able to send you money to do it.

This is very scary. I would say you've lost that phone number. Do you have your contacts saved to your phone or are they saved to the SIM? Just trying to work out if you still have people's details.

What country are you in? Can you access any money?

It's hard to know what you should do as we don't know where you are and different countries have different systems for phones. In some places you can't get a PAYG sim for example.

I hope you are OK.

Why can't you contact friends and family? Is he stopping contact? You need to go to a women's shelter ASAP. Money isn't everything m. You mental and physical health is a priority. They will help you at the shelters/refuges.

They will help you at the shelters/refuges.

That depends where she is in the world.

They’ve got enough in their plate 😞

She can't contact the provider. It's all in his name.

Very little information, if any, is stored on a SIM nowadays. It's possible to store a handful of contacts and messages on there but most modern phones (as in the last 20 years) store info on the phone not the SIM as standard so I don't expect there is anything on there. I would say the only risk I could imagine would be if someone could find an online account linked to your number (e.g. if your number is public on Facebook) then use the SIM to reset your password (some companies send codes to your phone to reset your passwords). Are you sure he hasn't taken it to do just that? I'd say it's far more likely it would just be thrown away than that a scammer would happen upon it if it genuinely was left in a hotel. If I was you I would.

1. call your provider, explain what's happened and ask if they can help you get the esim working. They may not be able to as it's in your husband's name

2. if 1 doesn't work, get a new sim, send your new number to everyone that needs it then change your number on online accounts e.g. Facebook, online banking etc.