Can a husband do anything to restrict his wife's spending ??

[TheThreeCheesesOfTheApocalypse44]

Asking on behalf of a family member......their wife has severe mental health issues and her spending habits are out of control. As in she's spending hundreds on good weeks, thousands on bad weeks. Mental health is very bad at the moment, any attempt to talk to her is met with verbal and physical abuse. Her husband is currently staying elsewhere due to this.

Mental health services are being useless, they won't help unless she self refers. Like a lot of people with her issues she thinks her behaviour is perfectly fine. Everyone else is the issue.

I've suggested going via the bank as we're honestly at a loss now. Her husband gave in work to care for his wife. No benefits as they have too much in savings which are being wasted fast.

Can anyone advise ?? Is there any help out there for this situation??

If it’s a joint account he could transfer all the direct debits to an account in his name & close it. He’ll need to tell them it’s related to domestic violence though as some banks won’t let you close joint accounts without it

Ozanj police are currently pushing charges for domestic violence.......husband is refusing to press charges as A) he'll have to pay for her solicitors fees and her fines (( she hasn't worked for years)) and B) he doesn't feel its right that we criminalise people who have mental health issues when services are shockingly bad. I agree with him but could this be a way for him to have some rights ??

Give her a card where money is preloaded and open a new bank account for the rest. Cancel credit cards.

Why would she be charged for domestic violence! How does spending loads of money due to mental health equate to that?

Tried that. She orders new cards and goes into the bank to get money out over the counter.

All assets and accounts etc are joint. Becomes abusive when he tries to restrict anything, accuses him of financial abuse (( not just him, to anyone who tries to talk to her ))

Surely she cannot have access to that much money if she was that mentally ill. Who is earning it for her???

Because she knocked seven shades of shit out of him and smashed their house up. He had to get the police out.

Practically, I have a similar issue myself this is what I am thinking about doing.
Presuming the husband has a budget, some of the budget can be allocated for “nice” things that aren’t essential. as she goes through the month she lists the things she sees that she wants, and at the end of the month, a few of the “priority” items are bought within that budget.
distract her with things she has already bought. What kinds of things is she buying

I have never seen a man accused of financial abuse actually forced by the authorities to keep parting with his money, just the opposite. Look what happens after divorce. Have you heard that word or?

I posted that before seeing that you said she was violent etc.

Keep the joint accounts open but transfer the money to another account she has no access to in his name only. In that way she can't get money out over the counter.

Honestly, his best bet is probably to put half their savings in an account in his name alone to secure it and then divorce her. This is so sad to read :(

Divorce ?

If he doesn’t want to press charges he needs to leave it’s the only way and then she will feel forced to get help for her spending habits when she needs to fund her own life style some need tough love

Can he move the money out of the joint account?

Is he allowed to do that ?? We haven't been through anything like this before so honestly have no idea.

She does get some pip, that's her only income I'm not sure how much. When he tried her having an account just for her it was that plus he'd top it up so she had a couple of hundred a week just for her and he'd manage all bills etc. She kicked off massively.

No dc involved thank God. Theyre older, mid 60s.

Can he leave and separate the finances? She's being abusive and refusing to get help for her illness. In sickness and in health doesn't mean in battering and bankruptcy.

For those saying divorce I completely agree. But they've been married a long time, I honestly feel so sorry for him. He just wants his wife back, she goes through good phases she can't keep up then crashes again. It's like she's died and this is what we have now.

She's always had issues but the last 6 years or so has spiralled out of control. Its honestly heart breaking to see the effect on him, how he's happy when she's having a good few days then it all starts again.

Yes, legally he can empty joint accounts.

Well the OP says she verbally and physically abuses him - that's DV.

His wife is old enough to be assessed for dementia and any other issue. Let him stop moaning and sleeping on the job, but to speak to adult social services and take the measures he has to take and do what is needed to be done. If he wants to live with her and all problems, this is his problem and tough titties if all he is going to do just moans and moans the death of the version of who she was. If he wants to help her and himself, he has to put the relevant measures in place and be a man. Period

Yes dementia sprung to my mind too.

I know he wants his wife back and if they've been together since young I imagine thinking about a life without her is really hard.

He has a lot of grieving for that relationship to do.

But he needs to protect himself whilst doing it too. And his financial assets.

But it's always easy to type to walk away and much harder in RL.

She has Bpd and complex ptsd as a result of being raped as a child.

He is constantly chasing support, chasing social services, trying to engage support from our useless mental health services, support from her GP, from the police. From various mental health services such as mind, he's paid for private therapy, encouraged her in a sport she enjoys etc etc. Now he's trying to go through the MP as we all feel she has other, undiagnosed issues at play.

He's currently staying elsewhere as her only option was a bail hostel which would have meant her being around people who could take advantage of her as has happened in the past.

He really cannot do anymore. And your victim blaming attitude is fucking disgusting.

If she does not seek treatment or consider herself to be unwell it’s best that they split up. Perhaps she will be motivated to see treatment then.

To get her the help she needs, she needs to be sectioned. This can be done if she is a danger to herself or to others.
So the domestic violence incident can be used to get her sectioned by a mental health crisis team.
Please ask the husband to ask their GP who to call.
(I’m speaking from experience with a relative, who was spending also, and was subsequently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. It is now managed with medication and they became more rational).