Can a husband do anything to restrict his wife's spending ??

[TheThreeCheesesOfTheApocalypse44]

Asking on behalf of a family member......their wife has severe mental health issues and her spending habits are out of control. As in she's spending hundreds on good weeks, thousands on bad weeks. Mental health is very bad at the moment, any attempt to talk to her is met with verbal and physical abuse. Her husband is currently staying elsewhere due to this.

Mental health services are being useless, they won't help unless she self refers. Like a lot of people with her issues she thinks her behaviour is perfectly fine. Everyone else is the issue.

I've suggested going via the bank as we're honestly at a loss now. Her husband gave in work to care for his wife. No benefits as they have too much in savings which are being wasted fast.

Can anyone advise ?? Is there any help out there for this situation??

I’m sorry he’s going through this.

With my mum, we made sure all of the bills were paid and there was enough food etc and only transferred a certain amount of money each week.

I would get him to get separate accounts/transfer the money straight out and give her a weekly allowance.

I would actually try and take her card off her (say she’s lost it) and give her cash or open a new separate account for her.

My mum did call the police several times on my dad saying he was stealing her money etc but it wasn’t actually a joint account to begin with. They were very kind as it was obvious she had MH issues.
I’m not sure what would happen in your situation but if he explained then it should be fine.

It’s a horrible situation and unless you’re going to seriously harm someone then the MH help is awful.
The amount of people who kill themselves or other people because they can’t get help is shocking.
There is just not enough funding available to help everyone.

I hope she can get some help and he manages to leave her and focus on his own MH.

She sounds very much like my friend. MH ( probably bipolar) problems all her life stemming from sexual abuse early in life. Things took a sudden turn for the worse and she’s been sectioned and diagnosed with Alzheimer’s too. Her DH is in bits, said he’s spent years trying to keep her safe but it’s all out of his hands now.
Maybe this man should speak to a MH professional about a new assessment? And I think he needs to separate his finances asap. In the manic phases my friend could be completely wild, buying stuff from all over the world etc.

Absolutely no idea on that score.

She only has a social worker because he rang to enquire about something only to be told she'd been take off their case load. He managed to keep them engaged but due to data protection he isn't told much. He himself doesn't have one. Haven't found them much use at all tbh.......it's a vicious cycle of her being triggered and lashing out at him or sometimes members of the public (( verbally )) then being arrested.........actual services who are meant to help have been pretty useless.

I also think the fact she has a huge safety net so she isn't spiralling completely goes against her in getting support. She's housed and has finances available to her.......mind you I look at all the clearly unwell people living on the streets and it obviously isn't that simple !!

well yes, if they didn't allow transfers for some reason he can withdraw the cash just like she's been doing and put it in his own account.

He needs to get over himself and press charges, and also suck up the solicitors' fees.

If he won't help himself there's nothing anyone else can do.

Court of protection takes a million years and £££ in assessments and she will be need to participate. Won’t solve your question in the next few years.
You don’t need be deputy.

Just see my post above … many many partners have an “allowance” you are not doing anything wrong or unethical by managing family finances.

Really it’s no different from what millions do every day. They have “household expenses” and rest in savings.

Pursue charges then.courts can decide if is due to mh and order psychiatric care

What the actual fuck is your problem to write such a nasty, victim blaming post.

Yes to this, if he won't cooperate with the police inquiry or prosecution for DV.

What a fucking awful victim blaming post. Have a good look at yourself.

Just get his salary paid into his own account?

You should be ashamed.

and your qualifications are....?

In this situation where you have someone who is quite unwell and making decisions they wouldn't make if th were well then it absolutely is appropriate to look at the legal options available and in emergency situations the COP can work much more quickly than it does for normal LPOA applications.

The suggeated actions in your advice 'above' could be seen as fraud and financial abuse and is incredibly bad advice. Restricting access to their money for an adult without a legal framework around that could potentially put the OPs friend/relative at more risk than they are at currently.

OP - I've possibly missed what your role is in all of this but the single most helpful thing you could do right now is make a safeguarding adults referral for him as a carer on Monday. His eligible care and support needs are that he is a carer and he isnt able to protect himself from the harm because of his caring role. If they turn the referral down escalate to a complaint first and the to the local safeguarding board if you don't get anywhere.

Does he have Power of Attorney for financial and property & health?

I am sorry you and your friend are going through this. Could he just transfer in the account she has access to a limited amount of money and keep the rest in his own name

I have a slightly similar situation with dsis regarding my elderly dm money no violence but financial abuse and manipulation and reporting to the bank got me know where even before dsis registered poa for dm and there was a couple of grand a month being transferred out each month reported to office of public guidance 9 months ago as i was also poa and have been removed it still hasn't been assigned to an investigator yet reported to adult safeguarding who referred it to the police as they thought dm was being coerced and lacked understanding the police went round asked dm if everything was ok and she said yes so they closed the case so I completely understand your frustration I am going to report it again with adult safeguarding so the only thing I can suggest you do is just keep reporting it to her social worker and the safeguarding team

What the hell is wrong with you? Stop victim blaming

Yeah, obviously. My comment came before she explained 🙄

My qualifications are having survived multi year COP. Not as streamlined or fast a process as it should be.

I manage the finances, and benefits of a family member and am commiting no crime. SW are aware and are by no means expert in managing finances. SW duties are defined, and not expert in this area.
You may not agree with legal advice that Deputy or Power of Attorney is NOT required in many cases. It’s yet another costly legal process which often not necessary.

Managing a family members’ budget is not a crime. Partners do this every day, parents do this every day. Money managers, family offices, private bankers do this as a service.

She will have access to money, just not all of the money.
Many couples manage finances separately.

Thank you for asking. Always happy to help others understand from family member point of view.

If you make a complaint to the police about that decision and ask them to reopen it stating its financial abuse by a person in a position of trust (LPOA) of an adult lacking capacity they most likely will.

Frontline police aren't great on the mental capacity act sadly and they really don't like getting involved in the family based financial abuse stuff unless large sums are involved or the person has come to physical harm or neglect as a result of the financial abuse (I.e carers not being paid for because the money had gone on the LPOAs new sportscar). But that doesn't mean its not a crime.

Presumably the multi year COP process you say you have been through is what gives you the authority to manage the finances without it being a crime?

Just because many families do act without authority doesn't mean they should do and in this situation where the spouse is highly likely to contest any restrictions on her spending it is absolutely necessary to get any restrictions authorised by the court.

Absolutely disgusting response. You should be ashamed!!

What is she spending the money on?

To repeat, from Lawyers and Judge - no need to be deputy
no need for power of attorney.

Family member CAN organise bank accounts and allocations of money to family members.
People do this every day. It is not a crime.

If this family has any doubt. They can get advice from a lawyer.

Not every situation is “safeguarding risk” family stealing money or abusing. You maybe jaded from your job.

Transfer out everything from the joint account, to an account in his name only, transfer back in a reasonable amount each week, and have the bills come out of a different account he's paying. Start divorce proceedings