Do you worry your children will not have the same lifestyle or job opportunities as you?

[mids2019]

I was reflecting that over the course of their childhood my children have had a reasonably affluent lifestyle, 4 nd detached house, 1 or 2 foreign holidays per year, (including Disney Florida), fair amount of after school activities etc. They have had this lifestyle partially because we are late(ish) parents therefore professionally advanced and rsecure fiancially. Over the years we have Chad frees higher educattion, parental assurance with house deposits, low interest rates etc.

I look at the costs of modern living for the young with expensive housing, high interest rates, paid for higher education and an increasingly cut throat graduate job market and I wonder if ever my children will experience the same as us? Will out children notice the contrast in lifestyle especially with housing and holidays when they join the workforce?

It's the contrast I worry aboit. I grew up relatively poor in a lot of respects so I getting a semi detached house felt a real leg up in life as well as visiting foreign capitals in my twenties. It just seemed I had somehow scanned a little in terms of lifestyle and it could be the reverse for my children

Does anyone feel the same?

I am curious what you mean by this. Most places I have been people live in houses and flats and fund them with a job. Either rent or mortgage.

There are shanty towns and trailer parks in other places is that what you mean or like nomadic communities?

Professional jobs are not paid so well compared to other jobs so will be worse off plus student loan repayment. Also these jobs threatened by AI. If you live in or close to a city with jobs means they can live at home but previously young people kept working on contracts or got promotions by being mobile so wanting to live with parents could be a problem - working from home could help that as could get a job based further away. I think there will be fewer grandchildren.

No point worrying. What will be, will be.

Both my and DH's family are from very different backgrounds and wealth, but members of our respective families have either done well or not. A variety of reasons, how they did academically, what they chose to do for work, their general characters. We have high fliers, and absolute shit shows. Don't all families?

My DD's are doing very well so far. They both went to Uni, with loans, we didn't pay for them, although we did pay for private school. DD1 has just bought her first home in London, on her own, and no help from us, having rented for 5 years. She has done so well, saved hard, we are very proud of her. DD2 is heading for academia, so probably not so independent, but we don't have any concerns.

No I don't worry
We are encouraging them to look outside the UK for their adult lives.

We concentrate on building resilience in them.

No one even knows what the planet is going to look like in 20 years, where and what the skills needed will be.

One step at a time, school exams, further education (most likely), build a good and interesting basis for a career, take opportunities early adulthood, take chances, some might fail but may still be a learning curve. Last thing they need is to be stuck with bricks and mortar in the UK.

We, and they, don't judge people by the house they live in or the holidays they take. Or whatever other markers lifestyle is judged by.
Their ambitions are very different to what ours were, but they are entering a very different world.

My biggest concern is raising a snobby brat or one who has had everything ironed out for them they burst into tears in a job interview or with rejection. Lifestyle doesn't concern me.

My DCs have had a privileged childhood, light years ahead of how I grew up, so they’re already having a better life than I did. They’ve bought houses in their 20s (with a gifted deposit), and have good jobs. Apart from the prospect of state pensions being phased out, I can’t see their adult lives being much different to ours, though I appreciate they’re lucky and things are very different for a lot of people.

We are both from council estates, but live in a nice village in a home noone in either of our families could afford. We do not have flash holidays, ir a lot of materthongs outwith that, as we channel our money into private education. We will be able to set our children up in a way we were never provided for, which I am grateful for. I just hope they can use that to generate enough money to give them choices in life.

What's the point of worrying about the future? About things that none of us have control over? We need to learn to live in the now with the exception of savings which are always a good thing.

I grew up in total poverty and abuse, mostly didn't have even food on the table let alone a tv, house or other 'luxury goods'. Certainly no money for handouts or inheritances. In comparison to that we are millionaires. Not in actuality of course, but with a fully paid for 4 bed detached home in a leafy suburb and more than enough food on the table. But we were well over 40 when we bought.

My boys are in their 20's. I don't worry about them beyond the usual stuff like when they are driving, travelling alone etc. they are both well aware of the political and economic state of the world right now and don't need reminding of the bleakness that surrounds us. I don't want them buying properties in their home town. I want them to travel the world, have adventures, try new things. They can buy a home later in life when they've worked out where they want to settle and who they want to be.

The world never stays the same, anything can happen in the next 10/20 yrs there is just no point basing the here and now on what the climate might be in the future. My boys are well rounded, funny, interesting, interested and informed. Whatever the world looks like when they are 'middle aged' they will cope and get on with it just like everyone before them has had to do. It might be better, it might be worse but spending your younger years worrying about it won't change anything except your own life.

Do you think we’ve reached peak lifestyle as a race?
In terms of human history, the idea that someone could live in a dwelling larger than they actually need, go on “holiday”, invest and save money for the future etc was the preserve of a tiny number of the elite ruling class. Up until about 100-150 years or so ago, most (the vast vast majority) of people were living in subsistent conditions, and had been for 40,000 years.
Still we loved, had sex for pleasure, created art, told stories and made music, decorated our homes, cultivated flowers, domesticated animals, embellished our clothing, laughed, did our hair.
This idea that all our kids must be able to get a mortgage to buy their own dreary new build property and get a car on finance so they can get to their computer on time every day. Does anyone else just feel it’s a bit weird?

I grew up, one of 5 in a FSM family. Never went abroad, never had a room of my own, 1 bathroom between 7, no access to school trips, clothes from jumble sales etc. Left home at 18 and never went back. No parental help at all.

I have one DS and my focus all the way through has been to give him the childhood I did not have. He has friends and holidays and bikes and school trips. Skiing and private school. He is happy & confident. He is also kind 🙂

I'm doing my best to ensure he gets great A'levels, a good degree, and has all the opportunities he wants. He will be much better placed than I ever was to get a great job. At some point I will help him with university fees or a house deposit.

However he does in life, will be down to him. It will not be because he has been disadvantaged in any way.

I think my job as a mum is to ensure he has opportunities. He still needs to put in the work himself.

I have one child, just turned 21. I was never particularly maternal so never wanted more than one. It enables me to give him as much of a head start as I can. He’s just about to buy his first house with a deposit he saved for by working weekends since 15 then straight into work after A levels. Small house, not the best area (not the worst either) but he’ll be on the ladder. I’ve never taken rent from him and bought him his first car and helped with insurance until it became more affordable, so that has helped him but he’s made good choices. His career path isn’t one that would be helped by a degree and he was always clear he never wanted to go to university. He’s probably sacrificed some experiences that others his age have in order to save but he’s very ambitious and knows his end goal. I have no doubt he’ll have and do far more than me.

No I don’t think it’s weird. Our kids with mortgages who sit behind computers will all still have sex for pleasure, keep pets, make music, do their hair, just not in subsistent conditions.

My kids seem to value experiences more than material things. I made sacrifices to build a career to give them a certain lifestyle but I think they've seen the pressure and (atm at least) seem to crave travel over buying a house or other possessions. They openly talk about moving to places with better value housing or work/life balance - they just seem.to want different things from.life than settling down with a house and family...but they are still young.

If you can afford holidays to Florida and the like, can you not afford to help them significantly with uni and house deposits? I know it's only a leg up but it very much moves them in the right direction.

No, I don't think it's weird.

My parents couldn't afford holidays, didn't save money or invest.

Life was cold, miserable, lonely, embarrassing, insecure, unsupported, generally grim. I don't remember much laughing. Parents certainly had sex - producing children far beyond their ability to support them. I'd never want my child to have to live like that.

No, ds has a much better chance than I did! I came out of uni clueless how to find a job, internet in it's infancy, parents wanted me out, nowhere to live, had to take whatever I could get. Just a mess really.

Made me a super supportive parent and that's what kids need most I think. DS now has a degree apprenticeship, lives in a shared house in the SE, likely to be offered a job at the same place when he finishes, no student debt and getting paid very well for an 18 year old working 4 days a week.

Yes I do, but because my older boys are dyslexic and have struggled since primary school. They are unlikely to pass all their GCSEs and frankly will probably not get better than a C in most. I'm hoping that they will pick a vocation and do well in it; not sure what they're into at this stage though.

@EasyComfortDishes I find your perspective a bit weird. We shouldn't all be striving for money, we should all be striving for the kind of life where we can do what we want and have lots of leisure time to do it. As robots start taking over, that should be a good thing as it means we as humans can cut back and start enjoying life a bit more.
I know that won't happen as we live in a capitalist society, but I can dream!

Why will they not be able to afford it? Surely you’re planning investment vehicles to help them?

As someone in my 30s, only 3 out of the 8 kids of my husband's generation are living outside the family home, we are the only ones who own. 2 did the travel but have now boomeranged back to the in laws home (outside the UK), one withh child in tow, they have probably spent 100k in total in rent for each of them ..housing affordability has worsened since then and it's a lot more difficult to cut back and save intensively when you have a child in nursery and can't live bare bones.

It's great to travel and experience new countries, I an an immigrant but I came here to study at uni with my parents money and then only stayed behind cos my DH is a Londoner (complete with the London family home that we could live in). It only really worked out cos of luck. Some will make it cos of ability. But for most young people I would advocate having a clear plan if you are moving abroad.

The housing crisis is worldwide, and immigrants tend to get the worse deal, currently the flat I bought in 2019 would rent for 2k which means that for a well paid expat they would need to earn a lot in order to be able to live the same life as I do and save the amounts I do. As I grow up I actually realise there is a narrow window to buy really (best when you have no dependents and can live bare bones while your salary increases) and if you miss it your future self has to earn much more to compensate. Real earnings are falling so every year it becomes harder. The gifts given to people who buy also become correspondingly larger.

When I bought in 2019 we could buy my flat with household income of 75k, very modest. Now you would need £130k due to mortgage interest rate rises. I could buy my flat today but only because of salary increases far above inflation.

Your kids not being able to get a mortgage could mean they live with you in their 30s probably with a kid cos you wouldn't want them in homeless accommodation or moving every year..Since 2019, dh and his siblings have had 12 homes between them, 34 year old DH in the flat we bought 5 years ago (1 home), sister who lives at home (1 home).

second sister rented flat , then moved to a flat her DH's grandma owned but moved out cos the extended family charged a lot of rent, then moved to an awful area they could afford where pimps would solicit my BIL when he went out to work (saying I have young girls too) and men would chase my SIL around, then they moved to a huge flat by the seaside where they could have a baby, then moved to his mother's house. Total 5 homes

Third sister rented room in flatshare, then moved abroad for a work experience program (shared apartment), then moved in with boyfriend (but they had another flatmate who left so couldnt stay in apartment) , moved to a studio where bed was accessible by ladder, now moving country to stay with her boyfriend's parents (just got engaged). Total 5 homes. May have missed out a few other moves here.

The siblings range from age 26 to 34. At the age of the youngest (26) in 1955, their grandpa had bought a semi in London. In 1989 (age 27), their mother had bought a 1 bed flat in London with her new husband and then moved to a house (admittedly with family help) by age 34. This is the life of the young today, currently 25% home ownership rate (only DH) and almost everyone is in their 30s (plus all the BIL are 34/35).

I am not sure anyone here would be particularly excited/happy if your kids had the same experience as my DH's family. And given its across the whole generation it's not the fault of individuals
.

I think the kids will be okay for housing, because we plan to downsize and sub them. I worry that AI will basically take most of the professional jobs and graduate opportunities so they won’t have anything like the career options that my and DH did.

Yes, I mean nomadic communities, or small-holding communities/large families living in non-standard accomodation or even (in Britain terms) sub-standard accommodation.

In America, you can live in an RV for example. Very difficult do that here.

I think it’s really likely they won’t be as materially rich as we are or as I was as a child- partly because of housing costs and partly because I had a very privileged upbringing and now we have a very high household income. They’re both (at present) looking at careers which will be rewarding but not particularly highly paid- I think this is a good choice and also plan to give them all the help I can financially (first home or at least the best part of it, paying for uni etc) and they will inherit everything from us (assuming it hasn’t all gone on care homes). But I would be surprised if they were able to afford all the things we can afford now. But they will hopefully have a more reasonable work/life balance and a good standard of living, and that would be a very good outcome.

Yes, I feel the same... Not that we have a massively affluent lifestyle now... we can do some things, but not everything...

But we are also prioritising staying in our current house and saving so that at the end of our low-rate 10-year fixed mortgage in 8 years time, we can pay off the remainder (and still have a good amount of savings)... By which time the DC will be mid-teens so we will then have a few years of being able to save even more for them. So that no matter what job they end up in, they will hopefully have a helping hand with starting out in life.

That is the plan. Obviously things can change.

Though tbh, I'm just generally feeling quite bleak about the state of life and their futures and how currently their lives are so joyous and carefree and they have no idea about the responsibilities of adult life.

I went off to uni at 17 with no concept of this. No concept of money whatsoever.

And when people did talk about well paying jobs vs non well paying jobs, it all seemed hypothetical to me for some reason.

I had a part time job all through uni and it paid for beers and make-up. If I was offered extra hours I would laugh and say no. I didn't "need" the money. I had friends who went on a lot of holidays, which I didn't. Mostly because I didn't have the money. But I didn't want to do the extra hours work to get the money so I just didn't go and I didn't think anything of it.

In some ways it was a nice way to be at the time - ie the things I wanted to do didn't really cost money (hangibg out with friends and boyfriends) so i didbt feel the need to earn more money than i needed.

but in another way, i was very niave and shortsighted.

my parents never really spoke to me about money and career choices. A frank discussion may have helped me, so maybe you should try it with your kids.

To add my current situation to my post above about my adolescent attitude to money.

My dad was the main earner growing up, with my mum working very part-time. My husband and my earnings are more evenly split between us but I'd say we bring in quite a lot less, in relative terms, than my dad did back then.

For example he was probably a higher rate tax payer most of his career, whereas husband and myself are not.

We are providing our kids with a comparable lifestyle to my lifestyle growing up.

However, this is due very much to the help that my parents gave me with uni and housing costs.

If it wasn't for that help, we would have a lower standard of living.

So I feel the pressure to be able to pay that help forward and help my kids.

I am hoping we will be able to, but possibly not to the same extent.

I do worry about the future for my kids, but in a way broader way than just the housing market etc. The world is changing and there are so many unknowns. You just need to do your best.

I also think it's difficult to draw comparisons. I think my dad earned more than we do, but I also think they spent way less back in the 80s/90s because life was just different. We didn't ever really have takeaways or eat out in restaurants. Clothes and toys were very infrequent. Days out were much less common. No frivolous internet spending. No tech. We did have holidays. But I think it was easier for them to save.