Do you worry your children will not have the same lifestyle or job opportunities as you?

[mids2019]

I was reflecting that over the course of their childhood my children have had a reasonably affluent lifestyle, 4 nd detached house, 1 or 2 foreign holidays per year, (including Disney Florida), fair amount of after school activities etc. They have had this lifestyle partially because we are late(ish) parents therefore professionally advanced and rsecure fiancially. Over the years we have Chad frees higher educattion, parental assurance with house deposits, low interest rates etc.

I look at the costs of modern living for the young with expensive housing, high interest rates, paid for higher education and an increasingly cut throat graduate job market and I wonder if ever my children will experience the same as us? Will out children notice the contrast in lifestyle especially with housing and holidays when they join the workforce?

It's the contrast I worry aboit. I grew up relatively poor in a lot of respects so I getting a semi detached house felt a real leg up in life as well as visiting foreign capitals in my twenties. It just seemed I had somehow scanned a little in terms of lifestyle and it could be the reverse for my children

Does anyone feel the same?

Yes - living costs are demonstrably increasing, and modal salaries are decreasing every year relative to them. Housing of any kind is completely unaffordable now on a normal salary, especially where we live, in London. To get even the most basic flat in a dodgy area they'd need to be on 50K unless they're buying with someone else.

We just about managed to scrape together enough to buy a flat by the time we were in our 40s (no family help, top 10% household income). We're now in our 50s having to subsidise 2 kids through uni (as they don't get full student loan because of our income) and still paying an expensive mortgage, but then we'll be retiring, with no extra money to help them with house buying etc, so they'll have to find the money for a deposit while paying back student loans.

We're very much expecting them to live with us for years, no independence for them!

I know what you mean, also I don't have the lifestyle my parents did, when will the cycle end?!

I already feel sad that DC are not having the same long haul holidays I did.
At 16, I had 3 weeks in Australia, DD1 went to Scotland this year. However, they are far happier than I was, the holidays are such a small part of life.

I don't worry about it perse, but I have made it very clear to them that if it's a lifestyle they'll want to maintain they'll need to plan their careers accordingly (and thus work hard in school). We live a good lifestyle similar to you, but they won't be getting huge sums of money from us, so like us, they will have to build it for themselves. So when DS talks about careers and future, I make sure wages are centred in that conversation (alongside enjoying your job etc). When I was growing up I wasn't really advised to think about money, "followed my heart" into a poorly paid classic female career in my 20s before switching tracks in my 30s into a much better paying career, so I want my kids to be realistic from the start.

When thinking about what career you want, you have to consider what lifestyle you want too.

I don't worry about their lifestyles or job opportunities.
In the second, they will probably have more opportunities than DH and I did.

They have the skills to know how to budget and how to make the best of things, and we will be here to support them emotionally having been through tough times ourselves.

Expectations are realistic. Foreign holidays are wonderful but a definite optional extra. Meals out are a treat. But you can cut your cloth as they say and still have fun.

Personally I feel in this extremely global jobs market education is absolutely everything now.. Our dc will likely be competing for jobs with applicants from New York, Tokyo, Beijing, Istanbul, Cape Town etc.. Education is key & unfortunately costs money especially in a state school if one wants to replicate all the extras a private offers. That's just my view.

Yes, my dc definitely will be worse off. My DC are in their 20s. I am in my 50s. I am worse off than my parents too.

The one thing I will say is that they can stay at home as long as necessary.
We might not be able to give them a financial windfall, but having a roof over their heads until they have the funds to fully fledge is absolutely something we will do. They will pay keep though.

Neither my nor DH's parents had any money to help us out (not was it expected), but we both had a roof over our heads until we could leave.

No I don’t. I had a childhood of poverty and alcoholism and neglect. My DC haven’t faced any of that. They attend a private school, have holidays, decent food, new clothes and a loving home - basically everything I didn’t.

The secure home life has set DC to succeed in ways that I could only have dreamt of. What they do with this once they are older is down to them.

The country is different to when I was growing up but then so is the world. I don’t worry about DC’s future - my job is to ensure they make the best of their opportunities as a child so when as adults, they can make the best decisions for themselves.

I have a worse lifestyle than my parents housing wise as they have a 5000 sq feet detached house but the flipside is my father bought the first house with his parents which meant my grandparents followed them to every house we subsequently lived in and my father also was successful in business- investing in commercial property with a rich guy so he was a millionaire by 32 in addition to having the equity from his parents (but also living with them until they passed on).

They sent me abroad to London to study and I chose to marry my uni classmate who was from a poor background (though he did have a family home in London where we were able to live rent free in our early 20s)..We bought our own flat in our 20s and I think we would always live in a flat. But it is 100% ours.

However I have had many more foreign holidays than my parents who were always working and work fewer hours as my home country has an intense work background. So horses for courses.

We are facing infertility but I think if I do have a kid, my kid would be better off than me simply because of my parents.

My grandparents no longer owned a home as they sacrificed their equity to help their children who did very well in later life and also repaid the favour by funding all their expenses and caring for them. However my grandparents weren't able to pass on anything..my sister and I are self sufficient, aka bought/will buy our own homes and move out in their 20s, we don't want to pool our resources with our parents to live in a bigger home nor is there any motivation for our parents who can fund their old age (suspect my grandparents did so as they felt insecure despite having a civil service pension).

So we are planning our lives as if we have no inheritance so that when we do get it, it would be 100% my child's money (and we will probably only have one).

But it depends on if people want to raise children like sheep, why is it assumed having more bedrooms, and going to Florida or having the latest gadgets or what other 'affluent' things are something to aspire too

Why is it assumed if you don't do the same as everyone it is somehow lacking in something?

Why is it is assumed if you earn a lot of money you have to spend it the same as everyone else?

Yes that may be another thread but it's relevant. If I want my dc to have the same sort of lifestyle they need to choose their partner for life wisely, that comes down to common sense unfortunately but in the context of this thread it's relevant but may be an unpopular opinion.

Early on it became obvious that DD was not academic, or destined to be a business executive, so we are planning how to maximise her ability to pursue her artistic talents (which are really good) and live a comfortable lifestyle that is self funding. Unfortunately art is not known for its high returns on effort so we need to plan accordingly.

Yep, there are reports of people 'struggling' on £120k meaning they can't support wife and children in a middle class lifestyle. Tax thresholds likely to be frozen in foreseeable future so this is even more likely to be the case .

It's better to be 2 people on 65k each than a high earner on 120k so while you don't need to marry for money you should marry someone with some earning potential and can continue earning even with children if you want a comfortable lifestyle.

It's also not about money, being a single parent is financially punishing so choosing someone who isnt a douche bag is also important . Divorce isn't good for either party financially.

I've given my children a much better lifestyle than I ever had.

Social mobility is decreasing but it still exists.

I didn't go abroad until I was 18 and barely left the county I lived in. We had holidays at the local coast.

As long as she has a roof over her head and can afford to pay her bills, I'm not worried. We're in an ordinary family home, but she grew up in a two bed, so that was normal. Obviously nice to feel she has experiences in life (currently on one in Sri Lanka so getting a luxury one in while she's young), but you can still have a nice holiday in the UK, and enjoy the simple things in life like a countryside walk, coffee with a friend etc.

She's very driven though, actively having fun, but saving over half her income for the future.

They might not end up together, but she has a BF who scrapped through his GSCEs and A levels (B,D,E). He's incredibly ambitious though, actually his way up and is now working where DH worked before DH retired. Her BF is already earning the same amount, about to be promoted and has other options in sight. He's renting, has a car and not far off a deposit for a house. His parents must be so proud of him and hopefully they're not worrying about his future.

Quality of life for your children in this country is going to be absolutely appalling. Regardless of level of education etc.

One of the perks of growing up in poverty to a family blighted by heroin addiction is that my life now seems beyond my wildest dreams even though it's not anything overly impressive.

We own our own home which is just something I never thought I'd be in a position to do, DS has a stable non chaotic home life with zero addiction, always food on the table and sufficient clothes in the wardrobe, he can do out of school activities, we go on holiday once a year and have been to theme parks/museums etc (something I only ever did through school), have savings for him for when he's 18. My standard of living is way beyond what i grew up in, and it's an absolutely privilege that his standard of living is also way beyond what I had to endure.

I grew up in very poor circumstances, a lot of my relatives still live like this. I ended up doing quite well career wise and marrying well. DS has enjoyed lots of holidays and DH family had his great great grandparents home in the countryside with a few acres so we used to go there a few times a year, as well as overseas, it was kept as a holiday home.

DS is doing a degree apprenticeship and has a long term GF. They both live at home still. They are very personable as are DH and I. Good communicators, it’s just natural. I would say that helped me more than doing well educationally. He will graduate with zero student debt and a guaranteed job, his wage is about to rise to 31k PA in year 2.

DH and I are going travelling next year and are buying a campervan, as both retired by end of this month. His GF who stays over weekends already will move in, they will chip in for bills but live rent free and look after the cat while we are away. We intend to travel extensively. So they get to try living together without having to spend huge amounts of rent. We have already taught DS about investing and he has had a LISA for a few years. He is well on his way for a deposit on a house. We also live don’t live in the overheated SE.

I am far better off than my parents, DH isn’t but they were very wealthy. I expect DS to have a standard of living similar to us. The one difference will be can he retire at 55 like us. I will need to live to 90 to find out.

I do worry about it but we are expecting to help our kids with house deposits at some point. They grew up in a big house, were privately educated and didn't want for much. We paid or are paying to put them through university without working.

They are now out in the world and ds is earning money but not enough to buy a flat especially in London and the other 2 are studying. They are unlikely to have the same lifestyle they grew up with but they are likely to be own property because we'll help them. Without that, no way.

I do worry a bit about my NT son. I think access to housing is going to be worse than mine has been, I think that he will have to save more into a pension and I think that he will have to start paying for heathcare in a different way, possibly to see the GP or the first x amount of treatments, but I dont think tax will reduce to offset that..

He hasn't been used to holidays abroad, meals out, theatre etc or lived in a big house so he wont miss that, but we have had a good enough house, with good food, heating, clothing and some entertainment and I feel that might be hard to equal.

Very good point. In Britain there is no other way than a brick built house and a job to fund it. Some other countries allow a more flexible lifestyle - maybe not with the latest bathroom tiles, or newish car etc, and smart meter etc, but you are actually allowed to live differently.

So we are forgetting to look at the wider picture.

Yeah, I'm well aware that my kids aren't going to have the same lifestyle as us. We're in our mid-30s at the moment with kids aged 5 to 13. I keep the faith that, as we had them young, they'll at least be free of any caring responsibilities (unless they choose to have children) while they built their careers. They have lots of love, plenty of attention and good "cultural capital" that they can take where they wish. Eldest DC is autistic with some MH challenges which I hope she can grow around as she matures. I am proud of the support we are offering her.

We have a large home (each DC has a double bedroom and a hypothetical space on the drive for a Corsa) and they can stay as long as they wish. We have 8 unis (including 3 Russells) within an hour on the train. I hope it will be enough.

My parents retired in their late 50s (2021) which I know we will never, ever achieve. They have said a lot of this is due to having stayed together since their mid 20s. I think there's a lot of truth in that.

My life now is quite different from my own childhood (so much better, alcoholic parent here, tight for money but not reliant on welfare). It’s just better, my home is a happy loving one, financially quite comfortable (not wealthy) DD does plenty of extracurriculars (the limit being time not cost) at a private school, well cared for, well loved, gets plenty of quality time.

She’s quite smart (not me her teachers, but she’s little so theres still tIme for that to change). She doesn’t have to worry about university costs or deposit for a first home so much (I will sell a property if required to help her along, her dad is a bit more keen on her making her own way on that front but he’s a giant softie so when he time comes he’ll be a lot more generous than he thinks). She should be set up for a reasonably successful and happy life.

But I’m worried she’s going to face an extremely competitive environment. My DH got started on his well paid career by dealing with invoices as a teen. That job just doesn’t exist anymore, it’s now automated. There are a lot of entry level positions that have disappeared over my own lifetime let alone what the next 20 years will bring. The competition is global and I think there will be fewer opportunities chased by a smaller number of people. I actually expect psychometric testing to become much more common in the job market at some point. I think getting an actual graduate job will become much more difficult. It worries me.