Shall I leave dd to sort her own food

[Dustybrain]

Dd is 14 . I'm getting really fed up with her at dinner time. And it's every dinner time. I don't have the best food at the moment but dd does eat it. Its pizza , fish gingers, chips chicken nuggets. Pies Jacket potato's, pasta . Pasta sauce cheese eggs ham , veg fruit .

I'm awear this is not the best food. But she does eat it when it suits her. I m transferring over to uc which means I do not get much money at all until uc kicks in so I had to fill up the freezer.

Everyday she's asking for money for the shop . Every day I'm telling her I do not have the money.

Shall I tell her from now on she sorts herself out because I'm really fed up with it now.

Well I'm thinking you mean chicken nuggets and simlar . You cant really reheat that type of food . It would be awful

Ask hee to help prepared your meals.
Also explain your income is not stable for extra food or to go to the shop.
Pasta with a tomato sauce and grated cheese.
Ger her into making basics, when you shop take her, they soon learn how much and what we can afford when it's with them.
She should be at the table with you all at meal times not on her phone or Sulking.
This is the way it is.
Be grateful!

Perhaps make a bolognese sauce that you can use in spag Bol or chilli con carne. Could be done at the weekend. I have a son at home who eats at different times and I just choose quick meals or casseroles etc which can be cooked to be eaten at different times. You can even freeze portions of stuff like that, made at the weekend when you have more time. Defrost in minutes in the microwave. Pesto is easy to chuck on pasta. Teach her to make an omelette-they are cheap, quick and nutritious. Personally I never favoured too many meals they make separately, as it’s a lot of extra gas and mess, and also they tend to use up a ton of extra items which I wanted to use another day.

There not really prepping for things you through in an air fryer . Pour sauce on cooked pasta grate cheese as big as it gets for now.

I get home delivery I have not Been to a supermarket in years . But I have let her look and choose . Don't really get anywhere. To be honest I'm not sure how much she does understand money wise.

My boys, 15, 19, 25 now all mainly cook for themselves. I got completely fed up of cooking for everyone and no one ate it. Or cooking for me and OH and then everyone wanting something and they get a half portion and moan. Or deciding they weren't hungry or were going out and then would decide at 9pm they wanted their tea.

If you can manage and prepare ahead (once UC is sorted) I do cook some stuff that i portion up and put in the fridge/freezer. Maybe this way she can have her microwaveable meal just its out of your fridge, cheaper and probably taste better. I make a lot of pasta bakes and pasta dishes because they are cheap, shephards pie, sausage and mash, spag bol/lasagne etc all keep for a few days in the fridge.

Think it's generally an age thing

That works fine when I'm able to shop properly again. But at the moment I only have what's listed . No mince beef, no chicken etc.

She’s old enough to know there’s no money. Tell her she needs to spend pocket money on whatever she wants

I never gave mine money for additional food because they didn’t fancy what we had, not McDonald’s not a meal deal, nothing.

i Made a dinner and plated theirs up, if they didn’t microwave it later then DH someone else did!

TBF, a homemade cottage pie is cheap to
make, healthy, filling and easier to
microwave later. Same for fajitas or curry or corned beef hash.

I would sit her down and discuss.

Just saw your update on what you have right now, well for now she’s going to have to lump it. Maybe reiterate just how hard up you are at the moment x

Yes I do this sometimes. Normally I have what's listed. Plus mince beef. Where i may do chilli , spag bol, shepherd pie, beef enchiladas. Chicken might be chicken curry, seasoned chicken, sometimes just plain . Chicken with a sauce type thing . Stir fry .

If you can't afford for her to buy a cheap ready meal one night, no, you can't leave her to sort herself out. She could waste gas/electricity, she could ruin food and have to start again with new ingredients (you're not going to force her to eat something that's completely burnt through, are you?) and make a giant mess that requires more cleaning supplies to sort out. Really, what she could do in your kitchen could be more expensive than the couple of quid that you don't have.

I get that you're frustrated, but telling her to sort herself out isn't going to make things any easier on either of you.

Many 14-year-olds are self-absorbed and don't understand money. It's not a criticism of her. It's part of what we all go through before turning into real human beings.

As far she's concerned, she has very little control over her life. She has to go to school and follow the teachers' rules there. When she comes home, she has to eat what you tell her to and sleep when you tell her to. Her classmates will brag about things she wants and doesn't have. Teens generally always feel very hard done. She's also frustrated.

You can and should attempt to explain again that while this isn't what she would like, it's not what you would like either, and you're both in this temporary situation together. However, teens and empathy are not a natural combination, and chances are, you'll just get an angry rant. But all you can do is repeat that you have a very limited budget at the moment, and there just isn't any money available to buy X.

Community fridges aren't the worst idea - the point is about reducing waste.

But I fully agree she won't find anything in a food bank that is 'better' than what you've described. I used to volunteer in one and it's the sort of food you would eat when you were genuinely hungry and had no other choices.

What do you cook for the other children?

I think you over thinking this .. yes she can maker her own basic food. The air fryer/microwave have timers she's not going to burn stuff/waste food.

What makes you think she will trash the kitchen. What makes you think spraying a bit of cleaning spray or using some soapy water is going to cause a massive issue .

I think your right about her not fully understanding money though. And that's probably normal.

She does not get told what to eat she has a choice.

The stuff I have listed. Or sometimes they just want a sandwich

Here are a couple of ideas that are a bit like a ready meal so might appeal and use the ingredients you have. Also easy to reheat individual portions in the microwave/ airfryer from the freezer so no waste.

Could she make a large pasta bake or macaroni (or other shape pasta) cheese with any frozen/ leftover veg and ham?

Quiche might be an option too if you have flour she could use to make the pastry, or a frittata without the pastry. Again, could be portioned and reheated from frozen.

She wint eat them things we don't have flour anyway.

We have pasta twists

Well, if you can afford for her to do what she wants in your kitchen... surely you can afford to give her a couple of pounds every so often to buy a ready meal?

Either things are impossibly tight, or they're not as tight as you're making them out to be.

I have not said im totally skint. I have said I have to be careful. That means I don't have money to waste on food when we already have food in the house . Food from the shop money is taken instantly. Money for electricity/gas is not . That will come on my next bill.

@KombuchaHauntsYourBurps
I would say it was quite limited as in pizza, a pie or a nugget are just that really and while they're basic they aren't what I'd call every day foods.

@DustyBrain
There's not loads of options, you are right but you can try and engage with her. The idea was more instead of getting annoyed with her at the situation which isn't her fault any more than it is yours to work with her for a more harmonious outcome. As you say she probably doesn't understand the extent of the circumstances and is used to a bit more choice.
I didn't suggest you use a Food Bank. Olio is an app open for all to use and some community kitchens are open to anyone in the community, very different to food banks.

You've picked 3 things off a much longer list. Did you miss the jacket potatoes, fish fingers, chips, vegetables, fruit, bread, cereal, baked beans, pasta and sauce, cheese, ham?

I'd say that it was perfectly possible to eat a fairly balanced diet by picking from that list every day. It's just normal food. Ok so it isn't the widest range of meals, but perhaps that is to the taste of her family? When you're on a tight budget you have to buy what you know they'll eat, it's not the time to experiment with fancy spices and new recipes.

What's in your cupboards and on your dinner menu then, if this food seems so bizarre and limited to you? Bonus points if it takes little fuel and no fancy equipment to cook, can be bought and stored to save on frequent shopping trips, and is affordable for someone living off a UC advance and DLA.

I'm sorry, I haven't read the full thread, but has no one seriously not clocked fish gingers ???! 😂

🤣 oops

Community fridges are for anyone same with Olio etc it's about reducing food waste so if she isn't wanting to eat what your cooking then she can source some without harassing you for money.

Community shops version usually requires a referral however.
I use our Community fridge quite a bit gets filled up with surplus veg from the allotments!

@KombuchaHauntsYourBurps

Well yes I didn't go down the whole list it's pretty much of a muchness.

It's obviously not to the taste of all the family or the DD wouldn't be moaning about it and OP has said she'd usually buy other items. My comment was not meant to be critical of what she has in, I was trying to be helpful and think of ways to avoid further conflict between OP and her daughter.

I'm not going to give my dinner menu as it would be of no help. I am and always have been really fussy about textures and smells of food, there's several things on OP's list I couldn't eat if I tried. When we were struggling for money we had no oven or freezer, just a counter top fridge, a hob and a slow cooker. Air fryers weren't a thing back then.

I had a quick look there's nothing on there that dd would eat . I know it changes but I should think it's the same sort of stuff on repeat. It's things like free bread rolls croissants etc . The occasional meal From a supermarket that's over 3 miles away. Which cist around 3.00