Shall I leave dd to sort her own food

[Dustybrain]

Dd is 14 . I'm getting really fed up with her at dinner time. And it's every dinner time. I don't have the best food at the moment but dd does eat it. Its pizza , fish gingers, chips chicken nuggets. Pies Jacket potato's, pasta . Pasta sauce cheese eggs ham , veg fruit .

I'm awear this is not the best food. But she does eat it when it suits her. I m transferring over to uc which means I do not get much money at all until uc kicks in so I had to fill up the freezer.

Everyday she's asking for money for the shop . Every day I'm telling her I do not have the money.

Shall I tell her from now on she sorts herself out because I'm really fed up with it now.

I agree . When she kept going on . I felt like I was going mad and was expecting to much for her to understand. But im really not 🤣

I don't think many 14 year olds are particularly interested in family finances - they're (generally speaking) pretty selfish and just want what they want.

I would just say "The answer hasn't changed since you last asked" and repeat until she gets bored.

Do you have any community fridges/food centres nearby? They can help you short term as either free or very low contributions.
If she wants microwave meals then tell her to download the Olio app or too good to go and she can collect stuff from supermarkets for free/small cost!

That's true to be honest

That's for people who have no food. I have plenty

Have you applied for a bridging loan?;we had to do this as it 6 weeks for UC to kick.

The loan arrived within 24 hours.

Did you mean to sound so sanctimonious?

OP, YANBU and I really hope UC kicks in soon for you and DD. The food you have is perfectly fine.

I did but I used it for a mix of things. I paid debts before the interest hit. Otherwise I would have been. Struggling long term. General bills , filled freezer up and the fridge. I do have money. But I need to be careful

Can you get more of her input into meal planning and cooking? maybe put her in charge of a couple of days worth of food and give her the budget.

It doesn't make sense for her to cook for herself, as that's extra gas and electricity when you see short of funds. Cook her and leave it for her, if necessary. Get her to cook once a week.

I would tell her a date in the next month or when you get your UC in and tell her that she can get a microwave meal or what she wants for dinner on that date and not a second sooner so will be ignoring her if she asks for money before then.

That can happen once money is better again. But not just now . For now its what is the freezer /fridge/cupboard

If I cook for her at the same time as we all eat and she does not eat it I'm wasting food .

@Dustybrain are you able to store leftovers?

There is something really sad about posters advising it is perfectly ok that a 14yo must somehow earn/find the money to buy food for herself because the only food at home is not healthy. The earning options for a 14yo (below legal working age) are v. limited and could expose her to CSE.

Does your 14yo DD have any say in what food you do buy? It sounds like you just but whatever you feed the younger DC and don’t really care what she wants to eat because she will “eat it when it suits her”. With her moaning until you are fed up enough to consider just not feeding her, I think it is more likely she is only eating it when she is so hungry she has no choice.

I would go the other way and get DD14 more involved in the food shopping and meal planning- once your UC comes in. You need to buy some things that are healthy & she likes to eat.

In meantime, contact a food bank and take DD14 with you there so there is more food and healthier choices in the house.

But your DD has no food she can stomach and you are responsible for feeding her too. It can’t hurt to ask? To at least show your DD that you are trying to source her food that she literally doesn’t have to force herself to eat.

I actually feel sorry for your daughter.
Yes she is 14 (still very much a child) and will be more than aware finances are tight, in her mind she wants a cheap microwave meal from the shop as she doesn't fancy the food at home, it isn't a big ask but is still denied.
If money is tight what else is she going without? Does she have suitable clothing, time out with friends, netflix etc or is she constantly told there is no money?
I am just wondering if the food situation is the tip of the iceberg and your daughter is fed up of going without.

For everyone narking at the OP for buying "crap food"...

a) how appallingly rude and snobby are you? OP made clear it's a tight time because she's migrating to UC - that means she gets no money coming in for at least 5 weeks and has had to load up the freezer to ensure enough food for everyone for this period. She's doing her best. No, it's not grilled fish with asparagus, but it's not going to kill anyone to eat what sounds like perfectly standard budget meals for a few weeks.

b) the DD doesn't want better or healthier food - she wants her own personal microwave meal. Crap food, you might say. The food on offer might not be The Best™️ but it's obviously adequate and it's not awful.

@Dustybrain just carry on. Make it clear there are family meals on offer that will fulfil her basic nutritional requirements and that unfortunately at the moment there's not much else you can offer. When you get UC sorted, ask her to help you with a weekly meal plan that takes her preferences (for actual meals that everyone can eat, not for personal microwave meals!) into account.

Has anyone even read what OP is offering?

Pizza
Fish fingers
Chips
Chicken nuggets
Pies
Jacket potatoes
Pasta and sauce
Cheese
Eggs
Ham
Veg
Fruit

And presumably there's stuff like bread and cereal and milk in the house.

That's absolutely fine. MNers really do live in a different world. It's better food than what the majority of the global population get FFS.

As for the food bank suggestions, you do realise they hand over bags of tinned food and packet soup and UHT milk and custard, right? That's also not gonna be grilled fish and asparagus or whatever it is you all think she should be offering a sulky 14 year old who doesn't fancy eating normal meals like the rest of the family.

In meantime, contact a food bank and take DD14 with you there so there is more food and healthier choices in the house

You tend to need a referral to access a food bank, it's based on need not on a 14 year old not fancying what's in the house.
Food banks aren't like shops, the 14 year old can't walk around selecting stuff like she's in Sainsbury's. You can advise if anyone in the family has dietary requirements but apart from that you don't get much choice.

Do you really think that a good bank is going to offer dd food that she really wants .

Tell her if she wants fancy food she can work for it like an adult does. She can do Saturday night working in a fish and chip shop and get a Sunday morning paper round.

That should horrify her enough to shut her up.

In meantime, contact a food bank and take DD14 with you there so there is more food and healthier choices in the house.

Tell me you've never had to use a food bank without telling me you've never had to use a food bank...

Thank you for getting it. This is a short term thing. Everyone seens to be over riding that.and yes she likely wants a pasta microwave meal . We have pasta, sauce, and cheese at home .

And yeah once money is sorted again she can choose some stuff in the shop

i would suggest you cook together, for all of you