Friend's inappropriate comment re; kids

[ChitterChatter1987]

We have a friend who we visited recently.
He has form for being abit of a dick in not thinking about what he says or does.
Can be quite misogynistic, anti-homosexuals etc, has rather a crude sense of humour, but this was another level of weird.
I was not in the room at the time but DH told me after we got home that he said a very strange inappropriate comment.

DH said; Are they (our kid 7yo girl his kid 4yo boy) okay playing upstairs? (implying was it allowed for them to go upstairs)
Friend said; Yeah, he isn't going to slip inside her or anything (meaning sexual penetration)

I mean, theyre 7 & 4?!?!

DH isn't the best at responding on the spot, I think he was quite shell-shocked tbh, but isn't very happy about the comment and is now wondering whether to challenge the friend about it.

I personally think it's pointless now, but definitely think DH should have said something at the time to challenge it and show his annoyance and disagreement at such a distasteful comment.

This awful man feels comfortable saying homophobic etc things in front of you and this was another level. Even before that comment I don't see how you could have him around your children
In your shoes I would be telling my H that he was not welcome in my house and if your H wants to see him he will be doing it alone and your DC won't be there

@ChitterChatter1987 either say something or stop being friends with him.

What normal person makes such a disgusting comment? Who would even think that or even say that…he’s obviously has a few screws missing or a paedo. Keep your children away…I’d be reporting him to social services too for the protection of his own children

He sounds like a paedophile. That is not a normal thought to pop into a person's head, let alone say it out loud. Disgusting.

Why the hell would you socialise with this specimen?
He's disgusting and possibly dangerous.

What a disgusting comment. I wouldn’t normally say something this direct but I think you need to grow a backbone and tell him the comment was revolting or not have him in your house

To clarify- he wasn't at our home.
I get the comment was horrible and completely inappropriate, but I think it's a stretch assuming from that particular comment that he is a paedophile and should be reported to social services.

As I said in my PP, his comment was more a sarcastic dumb joke response meaning he was implying they weren't going to be doing anything dodgy upstairs together at their ages, so it was fine for them to be up there together (although obviously that's not what DH was getting at anyway!)
Not condoning it though, it was a disgusting and stupid thing to be saying, and he overstepped a line majorly.

DH spoke to him last night about how inappropriate it was, as we decided he definitely did still need putting in his place about it....better late than never.
He apologised profusely and said he knew it was a stupid thing to say and regrets it, so hopefully he has learnt his lesson and will think more carefully about what should be classed as a 'joke' in future!

Well it's your child you have around someone who makes " jokes" about child abuse so it's your call. Personally I wouldn't take the risk around my own children.

He wouldn't be coming into my house, regardless of him being DHs friend. I'd also be very disappointed with my DH for the standard of friend he choses.

Gross. Feel sorry for his son

If he "has form",why are you still friends with him? 🤦‍♂️

He’s vile and so are you for having a friend like this in yours and your kids lives!

Don't let him spend any time around your family

To even think or say something like that does suggest a level of risk, I'm afraid

Please don't call me 'vile', or say I am like him, I am a loving and incredibly protective parent, and many people would say I am overly protective or even abit paranoid about things,including SA risks.I work in a field where I've seen and heard some nasty things.I don't leave or let my kids be with any males alone, other than their dad.

And if he had said a sexualised comment in relation to him and a child (his or ours) or said the comment in a way that implied he was getting some sort of gratification from thinking about kids performing sexual acts on each other then 100% I would be reporting him straight away and never seeing him again.

I didn't come on here to be victimised, and i'm not the one who said the comment or even his actual friend, so i don't know why people have turned on me so much!

Narcissism ? Does he have a drinking problem. I knew someone that would say inappropriate things if he had a drink. I don't think you should be friends with this man

That is an absolutely revolting comment to make about two very young children. I would not be going anywhere near him again. He has a very dirty mind.

I agree

So you're saying i'm misogynistic and homophonic?! Not at all.And nor is DH.You couldn't be further from the truth.

I totally agree it is.Even after him apologising I still see him differently now for saying it in the first place.
Luckily we don't see him often anyway but next time I will be suggesting him and DH meet up alone.

Hmm think I’ll just report the thread. I think the OP might be getting a little kick out of the things they are writing on a parenting forum about kids and sexualised behaviour.

He used to drink alot,but as far as I know he doesn't drink now other than on the odd night out etc.
Most of his mates are the larger lout football lads type though I think who would openly talk and behave in a crude and disrespectful way, and he seems to be heavily influenced by them so that's sadly become his default setting i think.
DH is nothing like that, they are very different.They met at school as kids, i don't think they would ever have been friends if they met in adulthood.DH is polite, respectful, caring and sensitive type, doesn't drink and isn't a 'lad'

What the actual fuck?! Are you trying to say i LIKE the thought of child sexual abuse?! If so you are the vile one here.....

Most genuine posters wouldn’t post the actual graphic wording that you have.

interesting that you are so outraged by the posts on here but less so about this “friend”

1. Why are you busting h him with your children when he makes awful statements that the children could overhear? Why could t your husband have visited his chum on his own?

1. Why are you letting your children go upstairs to play in someone's house?

This guy is an idiot that thought he was being funny. I don't think it's anymore more than that. And no need to lay into OP for his behaviour!!

Well I am certainly a genuine poster....I didn't realise there was rules around how things should be worded, but I'm not sure how I could have been said differently to relay what happened accurately....

I have said over and over that what he said was disgusting, inappropriate etc etc and i'm still not okay with him for it.
Yes it's horrible to imagine such a thing happening between two kids, so I've actually tried not to do so to be honest.