Should neighbour noise be affecting me so dramatically?

[UtterKaos]

I'm pretty sure I'm NT but the longer my neighbours plague me with their noise, the more I start to feel that maybe I can't deal with it as well as other people. I just can't block it out.

For context, they moved in in May. It's a terraced house. Thin walls but no so thin that I could hear the people who lived there before as much as this.

All day, all night their TV is on. They never turn it off, only when they leave but they rarely leave their house, once or twice a week if that. It's on at full volume. It vibrates through the wall and I can feel it under my feet. It can be heard in every room apart from my bathroom. It's so loud I can hear words being spoken clearly and know exactly what they are watching.
It's so loud that I now wear noise cancelling headphones all the time. I put them on as soon as I open the front door and only take them off to shower. The headphones only dull the sound though and I can still hear their TV. I'm sure they have soundbars positioned along our shared walls.

It's now got to the point where I'd rather die than have to live like this. I know it sounds extreme and that's why I wonder if I'm not NT, if their noise just affects me more than it would affect others.

I can't make a complaint to the council as I'd have to declare it when I sell. They're homeowners, no landlord to speak to. I've spoken to them to ask them to turn it down countless times. I'm usually met with a grunt, a shrug of the shoulders and their door slammed in my face. Recently, they've also started banging on the wall. I feel I'm going mad but I honestly believe they're doing it on purpose to annoy me even more. They bang in the area where I believe their main TV is.

Today I cracked. I just wanted to die. I banged my head on the floor and screamed. I think I had a breakdown. I can't stand it any more. Am I overreacting? It's so unlike me. I'm usually calm and level headed. I hate myself like this.

If you live in a terraced house and play loud music for 2 days straight then surely your neighbours on the other side will complain about you - and then you’ll find yourself on the receiving end of action from the council? (Our council are generally pretty useless but take noise complaints seriously for some reason, so yours might too).

I’d keep telling them to turn it down and then I would spend the next 2-3 months noting down every time I told them and every noise that they made, recording the noise on my phone. Then I’d report them and demand action be taken. Repeat and repeat.

If nothing changed I’d move and take the financial hit - but no-one is going to buy a house where they can hear that noise when viewing it so I’d go down the legal route. Your poor thing, no-one should have to live with that.

Yes - that is true.

So what? This is not a situation where she has to be 'the better person'

It sounds absolutely horrendous and I would be more concerned whether blasting noise back would even work as they sound like such utter idiots.

@Wisterical somehow I don't think telling them - no matter how emphatically is going to work.

If that's the attitude people take, no wonder we have so many on here moaning about shitty neighbours.

It's not being "the better person" not to be a twat to other human beings just because someone's being a twat to you 🤦‍♀️

I didn't blast my music or animal sex noises! I stayed with a friend and came back with them to get some things just now as after work I'll be staying away for a few days. Friend could not believe how loud their TV was at this hour of the morning and I feel so much better about my behaviour given that she said she'd have be driven to the point of doing much much worse. We banged on their door for what seemed like ages but they didn't answer. They were watching something on ITV player as we recognised the sound made when you open the app. So they were definitely in as there was a lull before choosing something new to watch.

I'll sell the house. I don't care about the consequences. I absolutely hate them for what they've put me through.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Neighbour noise is the worst. If you can't resolve it with them, I think getting out of there ASAP is the best option. The longer you stay, the longer it will take you to recover.
During the COVID lockdowns, I lived opposite a square where people came and blasted their music nonstop for hours in an effort to convert passers by to their religion. Some also shouted their testimonies into microphones or megaphones. I felt really trapped because we were meant to stay at home, so I couldn't even leave for the day. It took me a few months to get out, and since then I've been much more sensitive to any type of neighbour noise. I'm only just now starting to become more relaxed and tolerant again, about 4 years later.

I approached the council on behalf of a tenant about a noise nuisance from another neighbour. The person I spoke to said it wasn't something thay needed to be declared when I sold the house because it wasn't a neighbourly dispute it was antisocial behaviour.

Honestly, you couldn't sell the house like this either. Get the council o to it and maybe speak to your GP too so there is a record of how badly this has effected you.

I think the person you spoke to was wrong. This is exactly the kind of thing that's supposed to be declared.

Excessive Noise is the worst anti social behaviour and more needs to be done to curb it . It's because more and more the fabric of society is breaking down with no responsibility, consideration or care for anyone except self .

I've had similar in the past (except it was bloody whale sounds day and night!!) It is genuine torture. Not a long term solution but I really recommend getting some loop earplugs or similar they have helped me so much dealing with unwanted noise

I feel for you @UtterKaos it's horrible.

My neighbour is a really nice person and comes around for tea and biccies but bloody hell he's loud - last night he visited and talked nineteen to the dozen (loudly) and it slowly started to make me feel tired and zoned out. Then he went home and was crashing around until 4am sorting his things out. Very nearly called him as I was thinking SHUT UP.

I can speak to him today about it, he's not nasty. Just loud.

What blows my mind is the people that can make noise all day and night and not care. It astounds me how people are missing the part of their brain that has empathy for others. I’ve had noisy neighbours, teenage music, barking neglected dogs, engine noise you name it. We moved in the end (it was also a terrace!) before that we had a detached bungalow which was amazing. We are in a semi now, the walls are thin and we can hear the tv and conversations sometimes but the difference is it’s intermittent and reasonable. All day and night at that volume is absolutely unacceptable. I suppose it depends on a few things: your financial situation, how much you love your house etc, then also factor in are they likely to move soon? I would consider moving if I could- if you can find a detached property all the better. It’s an unfortunate fact of life there are often people that genuinely don’t give a shit about others and there is very little that will persuade them otherwise. I really don’t think your reaction is unusual I think if I was that stressed I would do that same. It’s a feeling of being trapped. I also hate confrontation in my own home. You are not being unreasonable this is a really unlucky unfair situation for you.

I wouldn't be selling my house, and I wouldn't be noise proofing or buying ear buds, why the fuck should you? I'd be banging on their door every time their tv was loud and refuse to move until they turned it down! No one has to live like that OP. Do you have a friend or family member that could talk to them? Sometimes in life with certain types of people you have to be tough. I live in a rough area and have been in a few situations that I've had to bang on a few doors, and over the years I've found with certain types of people who are beyond having a nice conversation and reasoning with - you have to be a bit aggressive and refuse to give in.

The fact is, sure maybe doing it back will help but it could also massively escalate. A friend tried doing this and they got a lot worse plus were very aggressive to her. Just be prepared that while some people might stop, others love a fight and you are already at breaking point. Or they will record and report you first and then it will look like retaliation when you do.

Get your report in before you do anything.

Feel for you so much. Had neighbours who loved playing music loudly, usually when they got in from the pub but also at unpredictable times of the day. Also DIY until midnight, that sort of thing. We got on well so I did go round and ask them to keep it down/stop the DIY for the night, but in the end I moved because it had me constantly on edge waiting for the noise to start. It took me several years to stop tensing up at any noise from the other side. Not ND, just quite sensitive to noise.

My current neighbours have put their house on the market and I am a bit concerned about who might buy it. Those saying sell up and buy a detached place: LOL. Like everyone can just afford to move to a detached 🙄

I completely empathise. That noise of the base vibration through the walls/floor is awful. It's worse than years ago. I don't specifically know what it is but some kind of sound bar speaker things def make it worse.

I remember shielding in lockdown with neighbours tv being horrific. I dont even think they had it particularly loud but the base noise was awful and was something to do with the tv being on the wall. The walls years ago were never meant for that and the sound travels in a bizarre way.

I remember that sort of breaking point with noise feeling and slamming a pillow on a wall. I used to have ro move rooms to sleep.

Mine responded nicely to requests to be quieter but it never lasted long and the adult children had complex issues and sometimes would put it loud and the parent couldn't stop them.

I moved in Jan and oh my God being able to sleep without noise is amazing. I sometimes hear the neighbours watch tv but it's normal quiet background noise.

I honestly reccomend moving. You'll constantly feel on edge now if any noise starts. I wish I had moved years ago. It's utter torture and drives you mad.

Do you have any big male friends who might be willing to go round and politely ask them to turn it down? Failing that any small male friends who would? Some people respond differently to men. It sucks and you shouldn't have to do this but you've nothing to lose at this point.