Nanny and Nursery

[BuenosAiresTango]

I’d be very grateful for advice please on what you think is right.

We have a fantastic nanny who I adore. She is brilliant with the children and just amazing. When I go back to work, my son will be 1 and my daughter will just have turned 2 (yes, very close together!)

My daughter goes to classes and stay and plays and play groups every day, sometimes twice a day and so sees lots of kiddos. And tonnes of messy play!

We have been receiving loads of comments that she should go to nursery when she’s older, as it’s better for her to socialise in a classroom environment etc. these comments do mainly come from people with children at nursery! I guess I’m made to feel like she’s missing out at nursery.

So if you had the chance, how many days would you put her in nursery and how many days with our nanny? Our nanny would be full time anyway as looking after our son.

We were thinking two days nursery, three days nanny?

Thank you!

We found that once ours turned 3, a lot of the groups and things no longer worked as well for our kids. Not because it had to be that way but because the vast majority of 3-4 year olds seemed to be in school nursery and so all the activities were aimed at 1-2 year olds and they didn't have as many peers.

It was ok for us as ours were only with us a day a week, rest of the time in nursery so we did other things like swimming lessons.

But if I was in your position, I would keep things as they are until your older one is 3 and then get her to do a few mornings at a school preschool

I would wait until she is at least 3 and then send her for mornings.
That is what I did with mine and it worked very well.

Thsnk you! You don’t think waiting until 3 is too long?

Not at all. Mine went younger because we needed the childcare but I think 3 is where they start to really love it

We are with a CM I have no intention of putting my kids in nursery until they are 3 going on 4.

do what you want.

simple question to ask yourself: of the adults you know can you tell who didn’t go to nursery and who did???
exactly…

your set up sounds amazing imo and most people would be jealous / want a similar set up if they had to work / were choosing to work… I certainly would

3 is definitely not too late to send her! My daughter is very neatly 3 and has only just started this week. Even that I feel she is young!

My DD has started school this year, she went to a nursery for 3 days a week since turning 1, she has gone to school without issue (it was not the nursery at the school she went to). There are maybe 4 or 5 kids at the school gates each morning crying and screaming not to be left there and as far as I know all kids who haven't been to nursery before. They're so upset it is hard to see in the morning, I do firmly believe that a relaxed nursery setting really does help prepare for that move to school which really could be a shock. Stay and play sessions etc are not the same. If my child was only going for the last year or so before school id aim for 2 days a week I think.

I used to be a nanny and once the child was three, I had had him from 5 months, he tried a nursery once a week for the morning. Mum soon removed him as they were shit and she sent him to a more playgroup based setting two mornings a week. I think if your nanny is good then it doesn't need to be both but if you want to do both I'd do more nanny than nursery, nursery should be Monday and Thursday so there's enough time for them to get used to it. Monday and Tuesday leaves too long and it is like restarting every week. It feels new the child.

Thank you so much everyone. I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure in my parenting groups where they all discuss how great nursery is etc! So I guess I felt like she was missing out.

Of course you can't tell what adults went to nursery, what a weird way to think about it. But if you can prepare your child for a classroom setting, being left without parents, by starting them at nursery then it is important to do so. many children who haven't attended nurseries will be fine, of course, but it's prudent to prepare them as best you can. School can be a real shock to the system.

Sadly I’ve been made to feel bad about it. Or lazy, as I’m on mat leave and we have a nanny. But it helps so so much for my DD.

I completely see your point. Which is why a few mornings may be ideal as she gets closer to school age. Perhaps not at ages 2.

That is so helpful!

I don’t. I think it’s better.

It's really common for people to keep their older one in childcare during mat leave, I wouldn't feel bad about this at all.

Also assume you were keen to retain your nanny

Yes I absolutely adore her. She is fantastic with my daughter and so helpful with my newborn son! They have a 12 month age gap!!

Thank you - you really made me feel better.

May I ask why? Just to counter balance all of the comments I’ve been getting in real life about needing to go nursery!!

My eldest went to a montessori nursery at 2 and a half for 3 mornings a week. My others went to the school nursery every morning at age 3. I don't think your DD is missing out at just 2, especially if she is doing lots of activities and classes with your nanny.

As someone that used both a nanny and nursery, I'd say their social skills were better-developed at nursery but the care at nursery was unsurprisingly worse. One overlooked downside of not being in full-time nursery is they miss out on being part of core friendships. Depending on the child, that could make it harder for them to settle in when they do eventually go during that crucial period before starting school. Even going in 2/3 days a week means the other kids will develop stronger bonds with each other. Your child may or may not be rattled by that but anything you can do to build their sense of self-confidence is helpful.

Do you mean because they’ll only be there a few days it’ll be hard for them to make friends?

Nanny and then a pre-school type nursery from 3, my kids pre-school did four mornings and then one full day, ie 9-3. This worked really well for both my kids.

To add, the prep school we want her to go to has a nursery available from age 3.

I kept my Dd in 4 days because we love the vibe and she is positively thriving there. Our CM is insanely good and so fond of her….
she goes to the zoo every 2weeks and does music, gymnastics, animal farm etc weekly
I get more time with baby / myself.
my friends who can afford it did similar…

I have some friends like yours.
the normal ones are… normal about nursery. But i found all my friends who wax lyrical about nursery if you keep them talking long enough / listen closely are often having issues and aren’t happy.
“Oscar doesn’t like the room he’s been moved up into and is clingy at drop offs”
”the primary contact keeps changing”
”Esme has a rash and I don’t think they change her often enough”

I realised early doors you have to tune out the noise and follow your own research and gut instincts. Your peers don’t always have your best interests at heart and everyone thinks “their way” is the “best way”

Ah, OP.

You'll find that lots of people in your circle have an opinion, and usually, whatever you do will be wrong in someone's book!

Sounds like you have a happy child and a great nanny. You are making a happy home for them and worrying about what's best for them. That's a brilliant thing to do.

My first went to nursery 3 days a week. For my second, my work pattern changed so she stayed home with me and went to play groups then play school. When they were both jn school, we had an after school nanny (rare as hens teeth 🙈)

Both are now at uni and well rounded, sociable young people.

Do what's right for you and your family. A great nanny is an amazing support when you're working, and she sounds like she loves your family.

I don’t think children generally need to go to nursery before they are fully potty trained. It is a developmental stage that signifies greater independence. It also means they are typically old enough to tell you at least a bit about what happens during their time away from you.

now there are children who won’t be potty trained or who won’t have the language skills, but the average is 3, so 3 is a good target age.

a year of nursery at age 3 will give children plenty of practice being in a classroom environment. That is real purpose of nursery, to practice separating from parents and being in a group environment before moving to real school.

You don’t need to start practicing that at age 2. your child will benefit from individualized care if you have the budget.