Nanny and Nursery

[BuenosAiresTango]

I’d be very grateful for advice please on what you think is right.

We have a fantastic nanny who I adore. She is brilliant with the children and just amazing. When I go back to work, my son will be 1 and my daughter will just have turned 2 (yes, very close together!)

My daughter goes to classes and stay and plays and play groups every day, sometimes twice a day and so sees lots of kiddos. And tonnes of messy play!

We have been receiving loads of comments that she should go to nursery when she’s older, as it’s better for her to socialise in a classroom environment etc. these comments do mainly come from people with children at nursery! I guess I’m made to feel like she’s missing out at nursery.

So if you had the chance, how many days would you put her in nursery and how many days with our nanny? Our nanny would be full time anyway as looking after our son.

We were thinking two days nursery, three days nanny?

Thank you!

If the nanny is taking them out to social groups etc then it really doesn't matter. I think it's nice for them to have a nanny as long as she's a lovely one !

I used to be a nanny, I'm now working in a nursery, and a parent. I would wait till 3 of she's happy and being stimulated by the nanny. You wouldn't even need to look at a nursery, you could look at a specific preschool, term time. It'll be a nice balance

I’d do all days with Nanny.
Children don’t need nursery to socialise.

Your posts seem quite earnest and genuine, so I feel like you’re not baiting here. But, you must see that you have a set up that others would envy? An amazing nanny, who you’ve managed to continue to employ full time whilst on maternity leave. The prospect of sending presumably both children to prep school from age 3.

You say that you “love love love” your children - which is amazing, and it’s how everyone feels about their own children! And nobody wants to be made, even unconsciously, to feel that they are not doing the best by their babies. I think the people who are telling you the “good points” about nursery are probably not doing it deliberately to make you feel bad. They are protecting themselves and possibly projecting a little in the process.

People who use nursery, especially at young ages, are generally doing it for childcare reasons, because they have to go to work. I am in this huge group of parents. I’d love to be able to afford a nanny instead, especially for my one-year-old, but I can’t make that afd up. My sister has one and I find it painful when she denigrates nursery because, honestly, I’d love my kids to have what hers have.

My children go to/have gone to a lovely nursery 3-4 days per week and I’m happy with the care they have received. I work part time and look after them on the other days. I felt that this was better than me working full time + and affording a nanny but missing every morning and bedtime. If money were no object, I would have liked to protect (or increase!) my time with them, use a nanny until the age of 2.5, and then start nursery or pre-school alongside this for mornings or perhaps three days.

It sounds like your set up is working brilliantly, so don’t feel any pressure to change it! As others have said, all parenting choices will be questioned by everyone so stay firm in your choices if they work for your family.

I am absolutely not baiting! I’d been happy with my set up and made to question my choices by others which led to this post.

Thank you for your lovely post, it really was reassuring.

Dd1 did full time nursery from being a baby. Dd2 did the school preschool for half days the year before she started school. Both worked for us as a family at the time! If she is happy with the nanny and doing lots I wouldn't rush to send her in - I would though in the year before she starts school!

Thank you everyone. I just want to add I am very aware that I am fortunate to have this set up. I just want to make sure whether it’s a full week with her nanny or part days in nursery, that I’m doing what’s right for my little one.

Yes and I suspect the "criticism" or "comments" you have received will be more about a full time nanny when on maternity leave.

As in, would nursery not be easier? Why do you need a full time nanny when you are there? Type underlying comments.

I would keep nanny and forget about nursery for now.

Alas, no. The comments are usually:

• Will she have any friends? My DD has 5 best friends in her baby room at nursery and hugs them everyday etc.
• aww she’s so shy, she probably isn’t used to other children etc!

Huh?

The nanny is not doing your job.

The nanny is a childcare professional like a childminder or nursery staff.

I know what they do i just wouldnt do it.
Let a lone send them to school id miss out on all the hugs.

• Will she have any friends? My DD has 5 best friends in her baby room at nursery and hugs them everyday etc.

• aww she’s so shy, she probably isn’t used to other children etc!

Tell them that your nanny keeps your DD locked up in your hall cupboard for the entire day.

I’d say 3. Maybe 2.5 but in your case if the school nursery starts from 3 I don’t see the point in starting in one nursery and transferring to another.

Hahah!

Agree with majority that there is no need to start until children are 3. Of course many need the childcare sooner and start for this reason but you have reliable childcare. Also, the nanny having both children together will facilitate the bond between siblings which will be wonderful given how close they are in age.

Ignore the friendship comments - I used to get them and now at 8 years old, my DC is extremely social, no trouble making friends anywhere (and far more social than the kids of two parents who used to make digs at us 6 years ago).

Thats very reassuring! I’m glad I am not the only one receiving digs! Were they along similar lines?

Also what a lovely way of looking at facilitating the bond between the two.

@BuenosAiresTango yes fairly similar
‘Awww it’s hard around other children when they’re not used to it, my dc has 2 best friends at nursery who …’
’It must be overwhelming for them to be around others the same age…’ - when my DC was unwell and just wanted cuddles with me instead of playing

Ignore it all. None of us know how they will be in a few years time and lots is down to their personality. We all do what is best for our circumstances and our children. In your shoes, I can’t see how it makes sense to put in a nursery from 2. You already have the future school marked out, their nursery starts at 3, it makes sense to go straight there. You are blessed to have the finances for a wonderful setup now and have found a brilliant nanny who you love. I would be sticking with that

Tbh if she's doing lots of social play anyway I doubt nursery is even necessary at all. I think parents like to say nursery is necessary to justify their own choices. Definitely not necessary until over 3 and even then maybe only 2 or 3 half days

I do think that nursery is really quite different to stay and play type activities.

Mine did both because they went to nursery and did playgroups and stay and plays on the days they were with DH or I.

They had genuine friendships at nursery from very young but despite attending the same playgroups for years didn't really make proper friends there. It's just the way it is when the playgroups are shorter and the parents are there as well.

But under 3, if you have the option of a fantastic nanny, that's great and I think it's what most parents would choose if they could afford it

@BuenosAiresTango

They're just trying to justify sending their DC to a nursery. You can afford to have a Nanny & they can't.🤷🏻‍♀️

Get her enrolled in the prep preschool & ignore their petty comments.

3 is plenty soon enough.

your DD might be 'shy' but she'll be far more confident feeling secure at home than being put into nursery.

'Dd will be going to xyz school preschool when she's 3, that's plenty of time to be 'school ready'. We feel 1:2 care is better for DD until then. She meets plenty of children with 'Lucy' & I love their relationship. So it's perfect for us'. Rinse & repeat until they get the message.

How young did the friendships start?

Really young for DS1, by 18 months he had a best friend

DS2 is less of a people person so more like 2

How interesting. That contradicts the research posted above re paralllel play!

I work in early years and my advice would be wait until age 3 and opt for a preschool not a nursery. The focus at preschool is more on education in my experience. I've tried working in nursery a couple times and I can't stand it it's like battery farmed children in my opinion and I've got quite a few friends in early years with similar opinions. My preference for childcare has always been a nanny. As you don't need the childcare and are just wanting the social and the education the best option is preschool. Although I would say a good nanny qualified in early years can easily do the job and find a peer group for your child that another setting wouldn't be essential just much easier if you do preschool

That’s really useful to know! Thank you.