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Original poster

26yo son

64 replies

marmaladian · 12/09/2024 01:35

I am at a loss.
My son has had a harder life than most , absolutely no doubt , but he is one of 4 and is the only one struggling.
This son now has has no direction in life, Is currently dating a 38yo though he's 26yo. Before that dated a girl with BPD. Almost ruined our family. And did him no favours.
What would you suggest for him to do next?
He is very smart and very fit ( been doing landscaping). Very charming but shy. I am at a loss.
I am trying to upskill him ( paid for a forklift driving course for him - which he found super easy and loved) . No idea what to do now. All the forklift jobs are about an hour and a half from where he lives. He could live with me but he doesn't want to though turns up regularly!
I'm thinking of the Army but you get sent to any base and it could be miles away.

No idea. Lost
If you met my 4 children he would be the one you would say "omg how gorgeous and lovely is he".
He is seriously sick of people telling he is good looking ( weird I know). He was in some legal trouble and the first thing the barrister said was " you can't go to prison you are far too good looking and it won't end well". thankfully he got a suspended sentence, and that was 5 years ago. But it's done him no favours being very good looking.
I suppose I could look at modelling agencies but he's 5 foot 8. So that's a problem there.

No idea. I really think he's too obstreporous for the army, He has no educational qualications.
I think I will suggest starting at somewhere like maccas and working his way up? Though I doubt he will agree
Any other suggestions gratefully accepted.

OP posts:
DryBiscuit · 12/09/2024 01:39

He was in some legal trouble and the first thing the barrister said was " you can't go to prison you are far too good looking and it won't end well".

REALLY? 😂😂😂

suburberphobe · 12/09/2024 01:46

He was in some legal trouble and the first thing the barrister said was " you can't go to prison you are far too good looking and it won't end well".

True. He will be raped.

Prisons are brutal.

Just lay it on the line to him OP. Might make him think twice.

So sorry you're going through this OP. I'm a solo mum of an adult child now. Yes, it's been hard.

suburberphobe · 12/09/2024 01:50

Not at all funny @DryBiscuit

You must have led a different kind of life..

Have some compassion for those who do not.

FrogsAreMean · 12/09/2024 02:03

Please try not to be offended OP, but my opinion is you should cut the apron strings and let him find his own way in the world. He is an adult.

I don’t mean you should cut him out of your life, but how nice will it be for you to just enjoy his visits in future.

Good luck.

ItsTheGAGGGGGGGG · 12/09/2024 02:03

He’s 26. Maybe loosen the reins a bit?

Thevelvelletes · 12/09/2024 02:07

Of course Army base's are miles away, they're spread all over the world.

LardoBurrows · 12/09/2024 02:07

Why can't he move to where the forklift jobs are? Most people have to move to where the work is. If he likes landscaping work I doubt he would want to work at a fast food joint.

What about him getting some qualifications in gardening/horticulture and landscaping? Or going to college to become a plasterer, electrician or plumber.

Peaky18 · 12/09/2024 02:32

@marmaladian I feel your pain. My ds is coming up 29 still living at home. He flunked school. He's an estate agent now and doing OK.
Depending on your ds' will to make money there's other more creative paths. Hairdressing or something creative.

Original poster
marmaladian · 12/09/2024 02:54

DryBiscuit · 12/09/2024 01:39

He was in some legal trouble and the first thing the barrister said was " you can't go to prison you are far too good looking and it won't end well".

REALLY? 😂😂😂

YES

OP posts:
Original poster
marmaladian · 12/09/2024 02:56

Thank you for the suggestions those who have replied. He is arriving shortly and I'm trying to make a list. He;d be a great REA, ta pp,

OP posts:
Original poster
marmaladian · 12/09/2024 03:01

ItsTheGAGGGGGGGG · 12/09/2024 02:03

He’s 26. Maybe loosen the reins a bit?

No . I may not have been clear but he has lived out of home since he was 20 ( solely because we could not have his gf in the house anymore) He then came home for a while after they broke up, since then has met up with the 38yo who has told me she wants to ge pregnant this year. He is 26yo as I said and wants kids, but in 10 years. So they split up and she texts me goodbye, or rings in tears, and a week later they are back together! This has happened many times He sure attracts the unusual ones.

OP posts:
GreenPeer · 12/09/2024 03:05

If he's got forklift qualification he should be able to get work easily new building sites and much more look on local council sites include schools/out door education cams but you've got to want to do it 😔 this can be the battle good luck

GreenPeer · 12/09/2024 03:05

I meant camps 🤣

Original poster
marmaladian · 12/09/2024 03:10

And that was word for word what the barrister said. I'm not trying to show off or anything. He just is very good looking but shorter thn most men at 5'8 and slim but muscly. Recipe for disaster according to the barrister and I believed him.
My new plan is to half fund a tour of our country ( he owns a car and a dog) which is the only thing he has expressed any interest in doing. Working his way around the country ( Australia). So many jobs for a fit young guy who loves the heat and knows plants and fishing.
He was going to do the course to be a deckhand ( Below deck type thing) and then that yacht sank and freaked me out, He can still do it of course, but geez.

OP posts:
GreenPeer · 12/09/2024 03:22

I hope he finds his way then I'm sure he'll shine 🌟

GreenPeer · 12/09/2024 03:35

He won't be able to get in to Australia without a trade or 30k plus in the bank unless it's just a holiday travel visa x

McSpoot · 12/09/2024 03:37

GreenPeer · 12/09/2024 03:35

He won't be able to get in to Australia without a trade or 30k plus in the bank unless it's just a holiday travel visa x

The OP said "our country", so I assume that she and her son are Australian (or, at least, already living there).

GreenPeer · 12/09/2024 03:44

Oh ok my mistake 😬 dumb twat should take more notice of what I'm reading 😂 but hope he finds his whatever and smashes it 🔨😄

Original poster
marmaladian · 12/09/2024 04:13

Yes we are Australian. Thank you for your reply. I just feel for him being one the non-academic child out of 4. Very hard. So searching for alternatives for him.

OP posts:
Airtentmamma23 · 12/09/2024 04:13

Ahhh what a lovely mum you are. He's very lucky. I hope he finds his path and I'm sure he will. Keep him trying different things. That's what your 20s are for. And fingers crossed he sees sense on gf as he sounds not ready for kids frankly. Good luck.

Original poster
marmaladian · 12/09/2024 04:14

the one

OP posts:
Original poster
marmaladian · 12/09/2024 04:20

I think its hard with his siblings being so academic. I'm sure there is a path for him but he just can't find it. Siblings are getting a bit peeved with lending him money and I am too. Sigh. Surely something will come up. Any other ideas besides warehouse/ forklift for someone with no academic quals? Ta

OP posts:
Original poster
marmaladian · 12/09/2024 04:21

GreenPeer · 12/09/2024 03:44

Oh ok my mistake 😬 dumb twat should take more notice of what I'm reading 😂 but hope he finds his whatever and smashes it 🔨😄

You are not a dumb twat!!!! and thanks for replying. Here's hoping for the boyo

OP posts:
Airtentmamma23 · 12/09/2024 04:24

Also I would encourage him to move closer to a forklift job. You can arrange to meet/ visit regularly. Pr if absolutely not, he could try something similar where there are local jobs like hgv, digger, train, bus driving etc. If he likes being outside maybe road repair/ construction or something.

McSpoot · 12/09/2024 04:28

GreenPeer · 12/09/2024 03:44

Oh ok my mistake 😬 dumb twat should take more notice of what I'm reading 😂 but hope he finds his whatever and smashes it 🔨😄

Sorry, if I made it sound like that. I went back to read a couple of times myself (and, even then, wasn't sure if "our country" meant family background). I think most posters here are from the UK, so it is the default assumption.