26yo son

[marmaladian]

I am at a loss.
My son has had a harder life than most , absolutely no doubt , but he is one of 4 and is the only one struggling.
This son now has has no direction in life, Is currently dating a 38yo though he's 26yo. Before that dated a girl with BPD. Almost ruined our family. And did him no favours.
What would you suggest for him to do next?
He is very smart and very fit ( been doing landscaping). Very charming but shy. I am at a loss.
I am trying to upskill him ( paid for a forklift driving course for him - which he found super easy and loved) . No idea what to do now. All the forklift jobs are about an hour and a half from where he lives. He could live with me but he doesn't want to though turns up regularly!
I'm thinking of the Army but you get sent to any base and it could be miles away.

No idea. Lost
If you met my 4 children he would be the one you would say "omg how gorgeous and lovely is he".
He is seriously sick of people telling he is good looking ( weird I know). He was in some legal trouble and the first thing the barrister said was " you can't go to prison you are far too good looking and it won't end well". thankfully he got a suspended sentence, and that was 5 years ago. But it's done him no favours being very good looking.
I suppose I could look at modelling agencies but he's 5 foot 8. So that's a problem there.

No idea. I really think he's too obstreporous for the army, He has no educational qualications.
I think I will suggest starting at somewhere like maccas and working his way up? Though I doubt he will agree
Any other suggestions gratefully accepted.

This.
And this thread has been here probably half a year ago.
He is an adult. Full stop.

I know you are all right but when he rings and asks fir $50 for petrol can you honestly say you'd say no.I think the vast majority of mums would be like me and transfer the money,
PP were right that this is an old thread but nothing has changed. Thanks for all the advice all

Become a firefighter? Policeman? Special needs assistant? IT?

Oh God, I can tell you feel my pain. It really sucks. I'm glad your son is stilll with you though, I think our worst day was it was the youngests birthday and he vomited then we all started . So 4 of us in my bedroom alternating running to the loo! Happy birthday Rory!
I hope your son is doing well now, As I say 2 out of the oldest 3 are going brilliantly, It's the other that really worres me. The 4th was an oopsy baby wth my second husband,
It's so hard to know what to do. I've jst muddled along,. Crackpot gfs don't help or do most drugs,We've had too much of them. Best of luck

I actually thought about a firefighter, He's super fit , Thia is an excellent reminder thankk you,

He just needs something steady that he will enjoy, with a pension when he retires.

My brother was the same as your son. Really aimless, low confidence, and had dyslexia and adhd.

He worked in factories initially, then worked as a forklift driver. He did an online course to train to be a SNA. It was cheap enough to do. He really loves working with children in primary schools as he is working with the ones who are mad and hyper like he once was (No offence meant). He is open with the teachers about his dyslexia incase they want him to do anything he is not comfortable with.

He wasnt picky and thought about being a bin man at one point.

As you described your son, ADHD popped into my head. The best thing he can do is a job that interests him! If he's not interested then his motivations will soon fade & he will be onto the next job. Many neuro divergent people have high IQ's but I think it's more the motivation/focus/interest that's hard. My partner has ADHD & retrained in his early 30's to become a barber - best thing he ever did!

I would back off completely. Hes working his stuff out.

He will find his way. But having mummy arranging courses or making "suggestions " for careers is not going to be constructive unless its something he has decided for himself

I think he needs to work all this out for himself. It sounds like you care for him but you need to take a step back and let him be self sufficient.
Also he is making an active choice to potentially be a dad by being with his older girlfriend. Would that be terrible though? Maybe it would make him grow up slightly. But if he definitely doesn’t want to be a dad then either don’t have unprotected sex or split with her.
The criminal record sounds a bit problematic. And a bit like you’re glossing over it by focusing on his good looks. Most guys in their early twenties don’t have a criminal record.

I realise that , he was caught with marijuana parked on a street. The 3 friends bolted. He took all responsibilty, yes I know he was an idiot, But not a bad person. And if he was in a different state would not have even been illegal!

State as in a different part of the country!

Thanks for all msgs ( minus the rude ones). He is currently doing a quote for a friend of mine who I mentioned to that he was a landscaper, for him and his mate to do a large landscaping job for them. FX ( She told me how lovely he and his friend were after they went to visit) I knew he was doing the quote because he rang and asked for her last name. I was very strong and stopped myself from doing it for him and emailing it to him. I mentioned a few things and he said"yep got that sorted" so here's hoping all goes well.

Is he looking forward to father hood?

He's 26. Let him work it out on his own. If he asks for your help and support, you can be there for him but it's not your job to direct him any more.