just got back from japan. omg wow.

[TheBlueHoney]

What a country! I saw much right there compared to Britain. 100x better infrastructure, friendlier people, safer street, luxury amazing looking roads, most well behaved children I've ever seen, modesty, people dress well, public transport etiquette, quality of food and healthy population, fantastic healthcare, longest life expectancy, lowest infant mortality, prices/affordability about same as London but get way more for your money everything better quality and no tipping culture, public bathrooms accessible everywhere and so clean and modern with built in tech. I could go on and on.

Apparently this is a 'heritage' thing and racism isn't recognised according to another poster

I think people in the West tend to idolise Japan and make it into some sort of Utopia.

I have also just come back from holidays there and loved it but can see many negatives too.

fair enough didn't feel unsafe and yes I would go back, but not sure id want to live there.

racism is a real problem - xenophobia too - and misgynism
but hopefully the younger generations will start changing that...

animal rights and welfare is horrific - Ueno Zoo had cramped enclosures, like what i saw in the 70s - the capybara and whatever cafes are an abomination, we refused to visit any

so yeah, Japan is great, but open your eyes

@BlackShuck3

Tbf, when you have to turn down a job in London because even the trains getting you to the interview keep getting cancelled, you can sympathize why us Brits get excited over an on time train 🤣

Unfortunately this was also my experience. I had a man actually grab my crotch in a lift. I was followed twice by men/pairs of men who tried to talk me into letting them into my hotel room “for fun time”

I was terrified. When I tried to explain to hotel reception the woman just laughed in my face.

I shouldn’t have to, but will add that I was dressed in jeans, t shirt and hoodie.

The child sex exploitation is awful. Yes, this may be their culture, but I don’t have to like it.

My SiL married a Japanese man and moved to Japan while pregnant. She quickly realised that as ‘Gaijin’ she was regarded with some hostility. Her MiL made it very clear that as an elder, my SiL was expected to bow to her superior knowledge and not question her decisions - and that MiL would have major input into how her child was raised.

Her DH was submissive to his mother - in Japanese culture it’s frowned on for children to argue with their parents. She was made aware that if her child was to be born in Japan, she would not be allowed to take it out of the country without her DH’s permission (which basically meant her MiL’s permission) and if she did, the Japanese embassy would go to the ends of the earth to track the child down, have it returned to Japan and have her charged with abduction. In that event she would not be allowed to enter Japan again and would have to wait until the child reached the age of 20 - old enough to decide whether they wanted contact re-established.

In the event she returned to the UK with her DH and her child, as he was relocated back here with his job, but she was visibly shaken by her experience within a culture totally alien to her and her advice to any woman thinking of relocating to that country was to do the research and learn about the culture so that you know what you’re getting into before you commit.

That’s how I feel about Cambridge 🤣

suburberphobe · Yesterday 23:49

Children are well behaved because they've been smacked into submission.

Well. Wonderful then. NOT.

FFS.

Sounds like the 1950's Ireland”

Not in our experience. Our youngest’s best friend at school was Japanese. He and his siblings had an innate respect for their parents and wanted to please them (as did the parents for theirs). They certainly were not smacked.
Lovely family.
Travelled in Japan a couple of times when we were younger. Fabulous country/people,

MrsSkylerWhite · Today 12:00

suburberphobe · Yesterday 23:49
**
Children are well behaved because they've been smacked into submission.
**
Well. Wonderful then. NOT.
**
FFS.
**
Sounds like the 1950's Ireland”

Not in our experience. Our youngest’s best friend at school was Japanese. He and his siblings had an innate respect for their parents and wanted to please them (as did the parents for theirs). They certainly were not smacked.
Lovely family.
Travelled in Japan a couple of times when we were younger. Fabulous country/people,

But you can watch men masturbate on the subway in Japan. Watched a video all about it. It was rather disturbing

Think I'd rather see dog shit and spit

Purplebunnie
I am so sorry this happened to you .

I couldn't believe my eyes on the video it's on Youtube somewhere.

That was me, and in my defence at no point did I say I supported that view. I don’t. I know a bit about the culture through my SiL’s experience of marrying a Japanese man and spending time in the country - posted upthread a bit about her experience.

Racism and misogyny are baked into Japanese culture. And racism isn’t directed at any one race or colour, it’s directed at anyone who isn’t Japanese. My SiL tried to stand up for herself when confronted with discrimination but could only do so from the point of view of values instilled in her by Western culture. That doesn’t mean a thing in Japan, so she was stonewalled, viewed as ‘Gaijin’ - foreigner, or alien. You and I would recognise the racism and misogyny and would rail against it, as did my SiL. But the plain fact is that in Japan it’s accepted as part of a culture thousands of years old which doesn’t share the values of Western society. I struggled with it, and my SiL admits that it’s a difficult concept to get across to anyone who hasn’t experienced it for themselves.

Im pretty sure I read an update and she had her epidural and that her husband had made sure it happened for her.

Interesting thread. Have never been but it was always rumbling away as somewhere I'd like to go. I thought it was quite disappointing when on Race Across the World (I know that's a snapshot). I expected to be wowed by it but I wasn't and thought South Korea looked more interesting. The Crying Babies Festival was in one episode which was rather odd.

japanupclose.web-japan.org/techculture/c20240510_1.html#:~:text=Every%20year%2C%20parents%20with%20six,first%20baby%20who%20cries%20wins.

I know several Japanese people who've said that westerners are idolised in Japan. The greatest prize for a Japanese woman is seen to be a western man. It's kind of a status symbol to bag yourself a westerner. Japanese women have told me this and my English friend who's a man. When he lived in Japan, women were swooning over him despite his average appearance! I'm sure they're racist in other ways though.
As I posted upthread, I've definitely heard of a lot of racism against black and brown skinned people in Japan. They were frequently called monkeys.

@AnnieMcFanny

Um, no I ended up at a hospital that doesn't offer epidurals anyway, but it was that I didn't want one but my husband was pressuring me.

It's a bit complicated as the first hospital only did epidurals until 5pm anyway..... ended with a c-section and a daughter happily scampering all over the place

My husband was a useless twit at the hospital 🙄

Um, thank you for the update. I’m not even sure your thread is the one I’m recalling as there was no mention of a c section in it. It was concerning an epidural. It may not even have been here that I read it. Perhaps another forum I visit.

Im glad everything worked out for you.

I had an epidural in Japan but actually I didn’t need it ,long story . So when I was in the states I didn’t bother. But yeah it is a complex place. I do think non Japanese can idolize Japan but also vilify too ….

You skipped the story 🤣. I'm interested 🤣

Yes it does, and it's also not got a stunning record for rape or paedophilia either.

Takashii on YouTube is really interesting.

No Japanese parent I know smacks their children. I'd describe the parenting style as firm and gentle, with communication but also clear boundaries and expectations of good behaviour.

There's an oft-told story about the Japanese men's World Cup football team cleaning and tidying their dressing room before they left at the end of the tournament.

On the flip side, yes, this kind of culture can be oppressive, and there is something of a 'tall poppy' syndrome for those who don't or can't conform, or who are seen as too big for their boots.

As a visitor though I find Japanese people on the whole hugely courteous and pleasant.

Which country doesn’t? I’m genuinely interested to know which countries are safe for women so they can avoid sexual assault. I’ve travelled all over the world and while some countries appear safer, nowhere is free from misogyny. I would argue that the only thing that protected me from too much hassle in some countries was because I was a white foreigner. I was always treated very well all across Asia. With the exception of Indian, which is hands down one of the worst places for any women to be. I’d take my chances in Japan over the Indian subcontinent any day.

Gentle parenting is all about discipline and boundaries, just not punishment, because that doesn’t work. Sounds like you’ve got it mixed up with permissive parenting, which is a form of neglect. This is such a common error that I prefer to use the term respectful parenting.

Glad to hear you never experienced any hitting.

Most of what you have written is how I feel when I visit the U.K.