I'm done with planning meals, shopping for and cooking food. I need to lose weight and finding it a struggle. Help!

[ApolloandDaphne]

I am 62, retired and very overweight. I am responsible for all the planning, shopping for and cooking of food and have been for almost 40 years now.

My DH is 61, still works and is very skinny. He very much pulls his weight at home but cooking is absolutely not his thing. He never has to think about food apart from to pop out and get some lunch when he works.

I need to lose weight as my weight is affecting my hips and knees but I really am over sorting all the planning etc. DH eats loads - he runs and is always ravenous. I need to eat about a third of what he eats in a day.

How do i tackle this? I have been crying all morning whilst DH is out doing a long training run in advance of doing a marathon. I prioritised getting out for a walk but now there is no food for lunch. I want to scream. I could get in the car and go get food but i am honestly so over it. How do I cope? What do i do? How do people manage this?

Hello fresh? Or other meal delivery services

I meal plan for the week, every single meal, then order everything I need online to be delivered. Then I never have to scrabble around for food, or rush to the shops for stuff to make a meal.

Why don't you try something like Gousto or Hello Fresh? You can order 2-portion recipes and they're pretty good for portion control. I know when I make recipes for 6 (2 adults, 2 teen boys) it all usually goes so it's easy to overcook and therefore overeat.

Also, I would allocate a shelf in the larder and the fridge for him so he always has his high protein or whatever he wants to get to hand, and make it clear that the other shelves are ingredients for meals.

I think you get to an age where you are just sick of it. Thinking for other people.
I'm mid 50s, eat so much food that often I don't even really want because it has to fit others needs and need to budget.

So. over. it.

I do meal plan and shop for a number of days at a time. Today is the day i need to do that. I don't want to. This is the problem. I don't want to do any of it. I don't want to think about food other than just eating at mealtimes. I want all the responsibility for food to be taken away from me. But i don't think it can be done.

@Notmynamerightnow You have hit the nail on the head. I am also over it.

Get the same breakfast, lunch and snack food delivered each week

Mix up dinners by ordering a Gousto or Hello fresh box.

Can your husband make dinner a couple of nights a week either following Gousto/Hello Fresh recipe cards or make something simple like beans cheese on toast/jacket potato or homemade pizzas or pasta bake?? You could teach a 10 year old to make those. He could also choose and order the Gousto/Hello Fresh meals each week so it’s off your to do list.

You could put together a list of easy, quick, healthy meals that can be made from storecupboard ingredients without thought. Eg an omelette.

Batch cook hearty soups with lots of pulses and veg and freeze meal sized portions.

Prioritise yourself. Just because DH works and you don't doesn't mean that you're responsible for food provision that suits him not you. He either eats what you cook or sorts himself out.

Not for everyone, but meal replacement shakes might work for you.

Can you afford good quality ready made food, eg M&S, the ones that are high protein with lots of fresh veg, or Cook? If so, that's another option.

Ask DH to cook half the week and share the load fairly. Start small with one meal and be positive about whatever he makes. Then gradually make it fairer. I love the Fadt 800 for healthy eating and weight loss but there are additions to all meals for family who need healthy food but no weightless (eg whole grain carbs).

Also why not start to join him for some exercise? He seems to be looking after his health well.

Time for a fresh phase by the sound of it OP good luck.

We dont allow our husbands t9 get away with not cooking. If he can read he can cook. I wouldn't be worrying about his food.

He couldn't cook half the week. He isn't home until about 7.30/8. To be fair he eats absolutely anything, never complains and is very grateful for all food given to him. He makes his own breakfast and buys his lunch. But he doesn't have to ever really think about food planning. I don't want to do any food planning ever again.

Oh and my DH pulls his weight.

Just don't do it. He will cope or find a way to make it to the shops himself. Just go out and enjoy your Sunday, grab yourself something if you feel like it but adults can look after themselves

Life is too short to be upset over food

If he’s out for lunch then that’s easy - prawns and salad / chicken and salad for you . WRT dinner go into M&S and just pick some ready meals , curries etc and add extra veg , salad etc . I think it’s a bit unreasonable of people to say your husband needs to start cooking when he still works and pulls his weight in other ways .

So, you are cooking for your husband’s high calorie training needs (not your needs) and you are asking us how to stop this, after all these years.

I don’t know.

Could he plan and you cook?

This isn't really about my DH, this is about me. He is great. He retires next year and I'm sure he will try and do more cooking. He can make an excellent chilli so he has some skills. He just really doesn't have time. Maybe i will get him involved in the kitchen more at weekends to build on his repertoire. He will also come to the supermarket with me at weekends.

Why not just eat separately Op? @ApolloandDaphne

so he buys food for himself, and makes his own meals. And you do the same. Then you can control exactly what you’re eating and how much etc and he can sort himself out with his big portions. Winner!

You are painting your DH as being very grateful and he eats everything with no complaints, and works long hours, which is what it is, but this sounds to me from the outside like this now means he cannot be asked to contribute in any meaningful way to the mental load of planning and cooking. Like it's a get out clause for him to not help.
If it were me, and it will be at some point, I'd go with the Hello Fresh etc option for a while, and see how that goes. You have health needs that are not being met and need to prioritise yourself - weight loss and mental health are important and you deserve to look after those.
Your DH has had 40 years of being looked after, surely he can look after himself a bit for now?

Yes my lunches and breakfast are fine. It's really the evening meal. DH asks for nothing special. We both like the food i cook. If he is hungry he fills up on toast. My problem is i don't want to go to the supermarket to buy anything and i don't wasn't to make it! I need my own chef!

You don’t need to eat together every night OP. You sort yourself out, he sorts himself out.

easy.

He is on his way back from a long run and he knows i want to discuss food related stuff. He will be receptive but not have any real answers. He is away on business this week and that works well for me as i can buy some nice M&S meals and then i don't have to think about it at all.

When I feel fed up/overwhelmed with meal planning I just strip it back to basics for breakfast + lunch + dinner and eat the same meals every 3 days plus a day each week of eating out or ready meals. It doesn’t eliminate meal planning or cooking completely but it minimises it.

Typical week meal plan for breakfast + lunch + dinner:

M-W Smoothie + Cheese bacon omelette salad + Bolognese pasta (slow cooker so minimal cooking)

T-S Granola yoghurt berries + Egg avocado toast + Chicken curry rice (slow cooker)

S Eat out/Ready made food

Online shop?