I'm done with planning meals, shopping for and cooking food. I need to lose weight and finding it a struggle. Help!

[ApolloandDaphne]

I am 62, retired and very overweight. I am responsible for all the planning, shopping for and cooking of food and have been for almost 40 years now.

My DH is 61, still works and is very skinny. He very much pulls his weight at home but cooking is absolutely not his thing. He never has to think about food apart from to pop out and get some lunch when he works.

I need to lose weight as my weight is affecting my hips and knees but I really am over sorting all the planning etc. DH eats loads - he runs and is always ravenous. I need to eat about a third of what he eats in a day.

How do i tackle this? I have been crying all morning whilst DH is out doing a long training run in advance of doing a marathon. I prioritised getting out for a walk but now there is no food for lunch. I want to scream. I could get in the car and go get food but i am honestly so over it. How do I cope? What do i do? How do people manage this?

I felt like this in lockdown.

I would have food that he likes that you're indifferent about at home and things he can prepare for himself. Don't get any snacks you can't resist.

I would have online groceries delivered once or twice a week instead of going to the shops.

You must have a list of meals you always like, just have them in rotation. Occado saves favourites and shopping with them is so easy and convenient. They also send me things with long expiration dates so I can actually go a whole week without needing the shops.

As for weight, you could try fasting with only 1 or 2 meals a day. Less food noise this way than every meal and snack have to be considered, prepped and maybe logged or tracked. When he is out force yourself to also work out at home or go for a walk where he is running.

"Receptive but no real answers" is precisely what he hoping will keep the status quo - I bet he'd have a lot more to say if the dinners suddenly stopped appearing.

He is away on business this week and that works well for me as i can buy some nice M&S meals and then i don't have to think about it at all

So there's your solution when he's at home too. If not, he shops and cooks for himself.

I can't imagine having a long discussion after a long run but then I don't run!!! 😅
I wouldn't bother having a discussion he is away soon and see how you feel after a week of M&S ready meals you might be grateful for some fresh vegetables then and I say this as someone who shops at M&S.

It’s easy to add fresh vegetables to the side of a ready meal.

He wont have answers because he is aware that during the week he has no spare capacity for food shopping and cooking. I know this too. He has an extremely stressful job which he detests. After this marathon he plans to not do another as he knows i find his training schedule stressful. He would never ask me to take on more gardening chores (we have a massive garden and a lot of his weekend is taken up with taming it) as i hate gardening. I honestly think i am looking for the moon on a stick but thank you all for bearing with me and allowing me to articulate how i am feeling. It has been helpful even if i don't seem to be very receptive to all your suggestions.

I agree with LuckySantangelo35
Eat separately

At home there is me and teenage DS. We like to eat different things, different amounts and at very different times of the day (or night in his case 🙄) So we eat separately

I do shop as I don’t mind that but you could easily do an online order. DS tells me what he wants or I pick up things I know he likes. Your DH could buy things when he does his lunchtime shop. He needs to learn to cook. If he can already make chili he can do more. If he’s home late from work he could batch cook on days off like many working people do. Maybe he’d even like it!

Tell him you need to prioritise your health and this would really help. I’m sure if he’s the lovely husband you say he is he will want the best for you.

OH and I were both sick of meal planning when kids left home and ended up rotating Hello Fresh, Gusto and Green Chef meal boxes for the best part of a year. I'd recommend it as it got us out of a rut with food/ shopping.

I think this might be the way to go so I will have a look at these companies. Which one is best do you think?

Your health is vital and you have some issues and risk factors for other problems, so that should be a much higher priority than facilitating your H’s work and hobbies.

I think you should completely stop catering for your H. He has had 30 years of your services! Enough. Stop all those services, immediately.

I hear you that you’d like someone to do it for you. sadly you will remain responsible for what you buy, cook and eat for yourself, but ceasing facilitating your H will free up time for that and there are ways to simplify the work involved.

I won't stop all services in relation to my DH. That is just nuts. He earns the money which has allowed me to take early retirement when my job caused me severe burnout. He is, in fact, an entirely selfless person. Shopping/cooking is the only thing that has become an issue for me, and by default, DH. I do need to prioritise my health that is a fact. DH knows this. He will help me make a plan. I will report back once i have talked to him.

I think I'd start with Hello Fresh and there are always big discount offers for new customers. Green Chef is good if you're following a specific diet plan like veggie, low carb, keto etc. We were trying to eat less meat and the veggie options helped.

Tell him he's now in charge of food shopping.

It's his turn.

Seriously.

Tell him cooking wasn't really 'your thing' either, but someone obviously had to do it. And now it's his turn.

As for you, book an appointment with a dietician and/or pt at a gym and get some advice/plans to start a healthier lifestyle at a manageable pace. Online meal planning, perhaps have groceries delivered so you're not tempted to buy other things at the shop and save yourself trips.

Good luck

You could try the New You Plan, meal replacements for 12 weeks.

Order m&S via Ocado , then it’s literally just a case of microwave or in the oven . Order some of the portioned frozen veg bags , Birds Eye ones are quite varied . You can literally have a decent quality meal done with very little effort . Cook ready meals , pies etc are also very good .

This will only be possible once he retires. Things will definitely change then.

Is this about more than food? If you don't work, planning healthy meals and the necessary shopping and cooking, plus exercising and even cleaning, laundry, life admin etc shouldn't be too much to fit in every week.

You just need to think ahead, as well as simplify meals, so you don't find yourself in a situation where you need lunch now but still need to be shop for and prepare the food.

If I wanted to spend Sunday morning out walking but I knew I'd need lunch when I got back, I'd either have something like an omelette, or have something from the freezer or fridge that only needs heating up, eg leftovers or batch cooking.

Or something like a piece of meat or fish with a steam fresh bag or similar.

When I can’t face shopping, I order a Tesco whoosh delivery which arrives in less than an hour. I can order a bag of stuff to make a shepherds pie, drinks and dessert. Sorted! Make it easier for yourself.

I also do Gousto for two or three meals a week sometimes and that is brilliant. Takes a lot of the shopping out of it, especially if your husband sorts out his own breakfast and lunch.

I totally understand and have the same attitude towards food. Also I’ve done a marathon and the amount of eating you’re meant to do was harder than the training.

I would just buy slim fast type meal replacements for myself for a bit. Do a day of batch cooking and fill the freezer with stuff for the husband. In one day you could make e.g. beef and ale stew, sweet and sour chicken, chilli, bolognaise. It’s easier to do a load at once and then not have to think about it.

@ApolloandDaphne your DH sounds very accommodating as well as grateful for his meals. He must be aware of how really fed up you've become.
I would think that his food or choice of food might have suffered some for the resentment you've likely been preparing it with lately.
BTW I do hear you believe me, I do, I feel the same way more often than I did.
You need a break, a reset.

If DH will not prepare his own meal once in a while, then like others I would suggest making thick soups and hearty, meaty chiie and bean, lentil- based casseroles etc... and stacking them in the freezer for him.
Eggs can be your friend, both yours and your DH's; lots of nourishing ( Quick and EZ) meals there.
Fish too, light and quick with salad, rice or bread for him. Fill him with carbs.

Time, planning and prep now, can buy you time later to allow you to prioritize yourself, which you badly need.
Once you get into a routine of planning and preparing for 1-2 days, the mental and daily physical grind should ease up. You deserve a break, good luck!

What about Wiltshire farm foods. You might just need to cook extra veg then

I think it would be better to order meal service rather than dump her DH with a problem. It found sad tjough he is grateful and their relationship is harmonious so why replace pnd oroblem ( food) with another ( acrimony). If he’s skinny op and no health issues could you just buy him individual ready meals that are not too unhealthy then use your energy to craft your meals a little?

Sorry pressed too soon. You order online and it gets delivered. Mist just go in the microwave

… Ive often used Cook frozen meals after a busy day. You literally bung them in the oven and just steam some veg. They come in individual portions so you could choose a lower calorie option for you. It’s expensive for a family but two individuals might not be too bad - at least for some days.

There is no time pressure for me. It's about getting the food noise out of my head so I can concentrate on my health and losing weight.