I'm done with planning meals, shopping for and cooking food. I need to lose weight and finding it a struggle. Help!

[ApolloandDaphne]

I am 62, retired and very overweight. I am responsible for all the planning, shopping for and cooking of food and have been for almost 40 years now.

My DH is 61, still works and is very skinny. He very much pulls his weight at home but cooking is absolutely not his thing. He never has to think about food apart from to pop out and get some lunch when he works.

I need to lose weight as my weight is affecting my hips and knees but I really am over sorting all the planning etc. DH eats loads - he runs and is always ravenous. I need to eat about a third of what he eats in a day.

How do i tackle this? I have been crying all morning whilst DH is out doing a long training run in advance of doing a marathon. I prioritised getting out for a walk but now there is no food for lunch. I want to scream. I could get in the car and go get food but i am honestly so over it. How do I cope? What do i do? How do people manage this?

I'm in a similar position. I have gone for simplicity. In the week I eat simple stuff like eggs, soup, fish fingers, pasta etc. I have sandwich, fruit and small pack of low fat crisis for lunch. I have one dark choc biscuit per day and have a piece of fruit if hungry. Seems to be working plus its minimal effort in termsof meal planning.

In our local area there are a couple of local businesses who do homemade meals delivered for people who are too busy or unable to cook for themselves. Like a ready meal but a bit healthier as it’s homemade and you pick from a weekly menu. Maybe ask on
Facebook groups if there is something like that locally , you could get something like that a couple of times a week and then DH could help at weekends and then the other nights a mix of simple meals that take minimal effort.
I do sympathise though, I do the meal panning cooking for my family and some weeks I really can’t be bothered.

Maybe your husband doesn’t cook but he can certainly decide what he wants to eat. He can choose 3 evening meals a week that go in a slow cooker. He can write a shopping list. You can shop whilst he has gone for a run. No one has to cook - just chop it and shove it in the slow cooker.

He makes his meal plan for the week and you buy and cook it (if you're happy to do this until he retires). If its very calorific, you have something lighter.

Try eating in a window of 6 hours. Eg between 2pm and 8pm and no food, only water or calorie free drinks the rest of the time.

I think you'll find doing that will help you lose weight.

I think you have two choices.

1. you cook what you want to eat, and add a portion for your DH. Prioritise your health. By default, it’ll be healthy food so your uncomplaining DH should be fine.
2. tell your DH to give you a list of what he wants to eat Sun-Sat, then cook it. Do your own meals separately or not at all.

I cook for the family. I need to lose weight. I eat a bigger lunch than everyone else and an absolutely tiny dinner each night. It works.

I have a similar division of labour in my marriage. The shopping and cooking is a very fair trade for all he does for me. I just figure we all will need to eat and drink every day we’re alive. Just don’t give it headspace if you don’t have any. Soup and a roll. Rotisserie chicken. Frozen quiche. Cheese and crackers. Vacuum packs. These things can see you through bored patches. You’ll get the urge back.

I completely understand feeling fed up with having to think about food shopping/cooking op, especially when you have to think about healthy eating/controlling your calorie intake.

Are you within walking distance of a shop? If so, for today, go to the shop and buy eggs, cheese, mushrooms and a bag of salad along with some granary bread. Make a mushroom omelette for your evening meal. Have a glass of red wine with it. Your husband gets to eat lots of bread with his omelette. Making a basic meal that suits your calorific needs and having extra carbs in the form of bread, etc for your husband is the way to go.

Hello Fresh is probably a good way to go to relieve the tedium. Perhaps your husband could select some of the meals so it's not all on you.

My Mum always hated cooking and when my Dad retired I don't think she ever cooked for them again.

I have found Slimpod a good way to lose weight. Other people might have different ideas though.

I feel the same and I'm only 39, the thought of another 40 years of deciding who/what/where of food every week makes me want to go to bed.

From what you are saying, it sounds as if your first step might need to be about you. What diet/ food plan do you want to follow to lose weight?

You say your DH doesn’t have time but he does have time. He just chooses to do all this marathon training which must take hours out of his week, a small amount of which he could dedicate to feeding himself. Nobody needs to run marathons, it’s a choice and a hobby. You could get yourself some meal replacement shakes for a month to give yourself a break and it might help with a bit of weight loss if that’s what you want.

I need to lose weight and I get really overwhelmed by the whole process of meal planning and shopping. Plus all the contradicting information about the best ways to lose weight. I've just started using meal replacement shakes twice a day, got used to them really quickly. I love the ease of it and the fact I only have to think about one simple meal a day. I chose a shake which has whole food nutrition so I don't feel bad about what I'm putting into my body. I don't know if that's something you have considered but it has definitely helped to eliminate some of the overwhelm for me personally.

He does most of his training runs early in the morning before work. He leaves the house at 6, drives to the city he works in over an hour away, runs then goes to work. He gets home about 7.30. The Sunday morning long runs eat a bit into our weekends. I am retired and have untold hours in the day for shopping and cooking. I just want to not have to spend time thinking about food. It's not about my time it's about my mind.

Just go for Hello Fresh or Gusto.

Hi OP, why can't you buy DH 7 ready meals like Charlie bigham? Then you can just eat food you want to which will help you lose weight?

I cook for DH but I don't eat the same kind of food, or I'd be the size of a house. Just stop eating with him.

We have agreed planning and shopping at the weekend is key. Doing this together. Working out who will be responsible for what during the following week. This should be okay for now. He absolutely understands the need for me to prioritise my health. He doesn't want a miserable unhappy wife.

Hi OP@ApolloandDaphne
I think it goes deeper than meal planning. It's habits that you've formed that you have to replace. I do not say this lightly.
I appreciate you've tried for decades. I would take a break (if you can) for a few days and just think about what your life would look like and write the benefits. Also if you have routines like munchies in the evening replace that by going to a class or doing an activity ie redecorating. You need to reprogramme. You might not lose weight but you may understand more clearly why you eat this way.
I wish you all the luck in the world.

I agree with this. Surprised at all the suggestions of your husband to do more.

I’m all for men pulling their weight but he’s out working long hours and you’re retired and at home. Sounds like he does his fair share considering.

Sounds like you're making progress op. Well done!

Doing it together sounds more of an effective and sustainable plan moving forward, rather than you just opting out completely as some had suggested. It might make it more enjoyable and less of a slog too.

Good luck, OP!

Most meal services such as Hello Fresh are high calorie, not enough veg (you can supplement it) but there are good deals

I don’t think the DH has a calorie issue though? If op can get them for him, she doesn’t have to focus on his food so much.

Gousto and Hello Fresh do three person options. Order for three and rigorously give him two thirds of it.

Charlie Bighams do one person and two person meals. Order one of each and give him the two person option.

Get two salmon/chicken/beef fillets in, grill them. You eat yours with preprepped green veg or a bagged salad, he has his with green veg and a two person microwaved pot of mashed potatoes or other pre prepped carbs.

And get him to spend half an hour making a list of simple nutrition/calorie dense top-ups that he can eat after meals or for breakfast. Bananas, peanut butter toast, bags of almonds, oven ready chicken tikka starter. Add them to your supermarket and then you can eat ready meals together and he can top up as required.

OP your DH is prioritising his health and time. If he has time to run , he has time to cook and shop . He can’t have it all at the expense of your health .

Let him do some batch cooking at the weekend . Get an online shop - he can do it.

This is the time to say no thank you. I have been on mounjaro ( injections ) and lost all interest in food DH has had to step up and sort himself and the kids out. But it’s his turn anyway! Just like you I had got very fat preparing the kind of high calorie food he likes and needs as a male who exercises a lot. We have a ninja foodie health grill an air fryer. It is so quick that DH can do the cooking even with less time .

Please put your health first .

I am not posting with answers but sympathy, I'm 45 and need to lose a bit of weight, my DH works away loads and my older teen son stays at his girlfriend's sometimes so when it is just me and young teen DD I always lose weight as she is not a big eater, health conscious but easy to please, i.e she'll happily eat scrambled egg on sourdough but when the men are home as it were the teen boy is just not full up on scrambled egg and my DH is obsessed with cooking restaurant quality meals which sounds good but loads of bloody washing up!

It sounds like you might need a break from it to even start thinking about what to do next. Could your husband take himself to the supermarket and buy enough microwave meals for the week?

Could you use a meal planning app like Cherrypick to make the process easier for you? You select the meals you want and the food is added to an online shop. Choose healthy meals that suit you, and then just add high calorie snacks or puddings for him.