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Miss my daughter so much

54 replies

Lauraadelesmum · 04/09/2024 21:15

My daughter is living in Dubai with her husband and children. They moved there a few years ago and now have their own family.
I love her so much and miss her so much. She is a young woman of 30 and we were so so close. My husband, her dad took his own life when she was a little girl of 11 and her brother was 7 years old, I struggled very much as did we all and made mistakes when she was 16 meeting another man who wasn’t kind. She lived with her nanny and grandad, my lovely parents for a while and I deeply regret this, prior to this I was a very good mum and always always just wanted to be a good mum. But I think I was struggling to cope with things and this person influenced me which I shouldnt have allowed.
my daughter is now with a man 19 years older, who is wealthy and I liked him very much before. But have seen him behave poorly since and now my daughter has dis connected from me, my mum ( occasional message but rarely ) and her brother who she used to be so great with and loom out for.
Less and less and less contact from her. I still message and try to reach out every week but nothing back. A year ago I challenged why I couldn’t go and see her. Me and my mum have tried to see them when they are back in the UK but she doesn’t give us any time, I have asked if I can go to Dubai.
I know I did make mistakes for a while but prior to that and we have been close since and now her husband has got her in Dubai she is unreachable, I worry and cry and feel so sad every day, Please help me

OP posts:
Frogpole · 06/09/2024 06:15

ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 05/09/2024 06:49

If I was the DD in this situation and I received a letter like this, it would just confirm to me that my mother just didn't get it and is just continuing to minimise.

Just a 'I'm sorry. I love you. Please can we talk?' Would be the most appropriate.

You're absolutely right, I couldn't agree more @ErniesGhostlyGoldTops! If you were to create an imaginary situation in which you were the "main character" as it were, the solution that would be right for you in the very specific circumstances you thought up based on your own experiences would be precisely the right thing for you to do for you, and would require no reason or explanation as to why your suggestion works for you and you only, with mine being vastly inferior to yours as it's not about you!

Either that, or some crap about how we all form opinions based on our own experiences and preferences, how both of our opinions are equally valid, and... heh, who am I kidding. You're correct, I'm talking out of my arse.

Right?

ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 06/09/2024 07:36

Frogpole · 06/09/2024 06:15

You're absolutely right, I couldn't agree more @ErniesGhostlyGoldTops! If you were to create an imaginary situation in which you were the "main character" as it were, the solution that would be right for you in the very specific circumstances you thought up based on your own experiences would be precisely the right thing for you to do for you, and would require no reason or explanation as to why your suggestion works for you and you only, with mine being vastly inferior to yours as it's not about you!

Either that, or some crap about how we all form opinions based on our own experiences and preferences, how both of our opinions are equally valid, and... heh, who am I kidding. You're correct, I'm talking out of my arse.

Right?

I haven't imagined a scenario. I have read the OP's posts and am reacting to what they have stated.

I disagree with you is all. It's a forum. People disagree.

Fastback · 06/09/2024 12:55

FatmanandKnobbin · 04/09/2024 21:46

Her dad died, and then 5 years later you chose a new man over her and she moved out to live elsewhere.

I'm sure you are sad about it now you've seen how things panned out, like she was sad when her Mum decided a new man was more important than her.

I guess we reap what we sow.

In all honesty my mother would come on here, paint a picture like you have and expect sympathy too, saying her monumental fuck ups and bad choices were just a little blip as well. It's a fairly common tactic.

You won't have a relationship with your daughter until you acknowledge exactly how shitty your actions were when she was a young bereaved teen and understand and apologise sincerely for the choices you made without making excuses.

Also if she has children this could be impacting her. Lots of people don't actually realise how fucked up their parents choices were until they become parent themselves, so there's that to consider too.

Sorry op, I know you're hurting, but, unfortunately, this one is on you. It can be fixed with a lot of work on your part though.

I think perhaps, because of your own experiences, you’re filling in gaps without any actual information from the OP.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

FatmanandKnobbin · 06/09/2024 13:01

Fastback · 06/09/2024 12:55

I think perhaps, because of your own experiences, you’re filling in gaps without any actual information from the OP.

I used the information op gave.

Her husband died.

She chose this new unkind man over her daughter and she regrets it now.

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