Did I over react?

[Namechangedgr]

NC for this!

I recently had a newborn baby, and we are just ready for visitors. Today a friend came with her DC who is around 2, and it was so awful and I feel guilty.

Her DC was very tired as didn’t have his nap, and for a good 20-30 minutes was SCREAMING the entire house down. The neighbours also heard. My newborn was fast asleep and woke up very upset and wouldn’t calm. My friend kept trying to calm her son/talk to him/rock him but he wasn’t behaving. I kept saying that my newborn is very uncomfortable and eventually I took him to the kitchen. My friend was showing no signs of wanting to go and just kept staying.

eventually I asked her if she would leave please as my newborn is very upset from the loud noise. Was that really rude of me? She’s been ignoring me since. Her DC was screaming so loudly and surely she should’ve known that this isn’t right for a tiny baby to be around? Also the fact that in my own home I had to go to another room.

she seemed very annoyed when she left. I know I am hormonal but now she’s ignoring me and I feel like I’ve lost a friendship but I had to do what was right for my little baby, and having her child screaming wasn’t right.

And to add the house is now a mess from him! Food everywhere and toys thrown everywhere. I’m so annoyed.

I will just say come back when your baby is a toddler. Also how do you think babies with toddler siblings manage?

We have older children too! I knew I was being unreasonable.

PFB

not my first born! but surely if you can see a newborn is so uncomfortable you go? I am also still recovering.

It depends on how you worded it. 'Friend don't mind if we do this another day, really want to see you and dc but it's not working out today' - Reasonable
'Friend you need to leave you're making my baby uncomfortable' - unreasonable

She should have had the sense to take her child out of the situation and take him home,if he wasn't calming down.

That’s exactly what I thought :-(

I was very kind about it, but at the end of the day it was still sending her and her DC out whilst he was unhappy

YANBU at all.

Yes, if it was your older child it's a bit different. But when the child skipped the nap the best thing to do would be to message and arrange a different time. You didn't need her there with her screaming child and you didn't need your baby to be upset by it.

Presumably she wouldn't offer to come back and clean up the mess she's left?

no she is reading my msgs and ignoring them…she’s annoyed I asked her to leave. God what a mess!

@Namechangedgr perhaps she's embarrassed? It's very poor form to take your child into a house with a newborn knowing they're upset because they skipped a nap!!

To me, it sounds like you were rude

I think so too. I will try to apologise but she’s ignoring me

Of course she wasn't!! The friend was horrifically rude

She kept saying how it’s fine, baby will get used to noise etc! She couldn’t see the issue!

@NeedSomeAnswersPlease Well it's just what I think.

@Namechangedgr is this her only child? Sounds like she doesn't understand that you've just given birth, and don't need her kid there screaming and wrecking the joint!

Thank you for understanding - some of these comments have made me feel even worse and I’m awfully upset by everything.

YANBU. She should have left when it became clear that her toddler was overtired and disturbing the baby.

Yes she only has the one!

We had friends with older DC call the day I came out of hospital with DC3.
They came after dinner, thank goodness, but stayed and stayed and stayed, their teenagers got my two older DC, age 7 and 4, wound up. I took DC3 upstairs to feed her - and the woman and her children followed me upstairs!!
I don't think she realised I was breastfeeding and she did have the sense to send her teenage son back downstairs.

In the end DH said that we were all really tired and would they mind going.
They never spoke to us again.

It was a relief.

@Namechangedgr well there you go then. It's HER PFB!! In her eyes it doesn't matter because she probably didn't have anyone come and do that to her when she had a newborn, and now it's her baby pissing everyone else off she doesn't care!!

Let the dust settle, drop a message and I'm sure you'll both hash it out, but I'd be remembering this

Don't presume she is ignoring you on purpose. She is probably really stressed after a shit day and has enough things to be worried about without giving thoughts to your feelings right now. Of your house is a mess imagine the state of hers!

YANBU for asking her to leave if you phrased it kindly, she should have offered to leave anyway but if this only just happened today YABU for making an issue of it now. That child might still be screaming in her ear.

She’s forgetting that your hormones will be putting you on edge.
I would apologise and then leave it.
She should have taken the screaming dc out sooner.
When my dd was a baby she hated loud noises, this would definitely have unsettled her. If it’s you own toddler you have no choice but you shouldn’t have to put up with someone else’s child screaming.