Did I over react?

[Namechangedgr]

NC for this!

I recently had a newborn baby, and we are just ready for visitors. Today a friend came with her DC who is around 2, and it was so awful and I feel guilty.

Her DC was very tired as didn’t have his nap, and for a good 20-30 minutes was SCREAMING the entire house down. The neighbours also heard. My newborn was fast asleep and woke up very upset and wouldn’t calm. My friend kept trying to calm her son/talk to him/rock him but he wasn’t behaving. I kept saying that my newborn is very uncomfortable and eventually I took him to the kitchen. My friend was showing no signs of wanting to go and just kept staying.

eventually I asked her if she would leave please as my newborn is very upset from the loud noise. Was that really rude of me? She’s been ignoring me since. Her DC was screaming so loudly and surely she should’ve known that this isn’t right for a tiny baby to be around? Also the fact that in my own home I had to go to another room.

she seemed very annoyed when she left. I know I am hormonal but now she’s ignoring me and I feel like I’ve lost a friendship but I had to do what was right for my little baby, and having her child screaming wasn’t right.

You could have just said - I need to get him down, so will give you a bell / thanks for coming.

You didn’t need to send her away cos she had a shouty kid. It might be annoying but she had bothered to come to see you.

👍

@theduchessofspork the friend without a newborn should have recognised that her child would be touchy and not have gone. It's the last thing OP needs to deal with and now OP is left with a baby and a messy house!!

Well you booted her out, so she couldn’t really clean up..

You weren’t being unreasonable.

there is nothing worse than a parent who is blind to their child’s loud over powering tantrums or crying.

she should have shut it down quickly by telling her child that they were there to visit the new baby who he would he scaring by making such noise. If he wasn’t listening she should have apologised and left and said she’d come back another time.

Sure she should - but given she didn’t (and the parents of young kids are often somewhat immune to noise), the OP could have wound up the afternoon with more tact that she did.

@theduchessofspork OP is under no obligation to be tactful to the ignorant person who has brought a screaming toddler into her home. The friend should be embarrassed, she's now left the house a state for OP to clean up and is making a new mum feel awful.

Completely different scenario when the screaming toddler is an older sibling. For one, OP would have been in a position to parent that toddler!

You don't prolong a visit to a newborn when your toddler is having a meltdown for 30minutes! At the very least you cut it short and leave, with the promise you'll be back soon if you can get the toddler to nap/calm down

the issue is with your friend in my opinion. If my toddler was screaming the place down for over half an hour and making a mess with food I would have been mortified.. and this is coming from someone that had a demon for a toddler. She should have taken the toddler outside, tried some calming tactics or left your house rather than saying it's fine when you were clearly uncomfortable with the situation. Also given that you have a newborn, visitors should cause as less stress on you as they possibly can, not turn your house upside down.

And just to add I also have a toddler and a newborn!

That’s what I would’ve done!

she has msged saying nice to see me etc. but no acknowledgement of the situation.

I wouldn’t have put a mother with a brand new baby through all that noise and stress. For me it’s more an out the mother than the newborn. I think your friend should have taken the child away before you had to ask.

She’s now messaging me how stressful it is with the missing a nap etc, no acknowledgement of the situation she put me in. I shall distance myself.

Absolute the right thing to do!

I'd not be able to help myself and would say "I understand that and I'm sorry that happened, but please do not bring Child around when you know they are upset, Baby was very uncomfortable and so was I. Perhaps next time we can meet outside of the nap window" or something along those lines

What? She's embarrassed and this is her way of letting you know she feels bad that her child was disruptive. Just let it go, no need to 'distance yourself' 🙄

By making it all about her and not apologising?

literally this! she is not embarrassed at all. She is saying how he needs to get used to noise etc! I have an older DC who also does throw tantrums, but that is my issue!

@Namechangedgr she's a CF and you're probably better off without her!

I don’t get why she didn’t leave. Surely when I said I need to take my DC to the kitchen she should’ve realised it was time to go…

The friend was being thick and rude to impose a screeching kid like that and not decide to come back another time. As for the mess! They would not be welcome again.

Indeed. And then not getting any hints to leave. I do understand toddlers can be difficult, my older DC is, but I’d have tried things to calm her down eg a snack or fresh air. And if that didn’t work then just going because it’s unfair on a new mum!

No, you didn't over-react OP, and I would have been very pissed off too.

I would absolutely NOT allow any visiting child behave like that in my house, no matter whose it was, and newborn baby present or not.

My tolerance threshold for listening to screeching brats is not high, and as for people allowing their kids to annoy the shit out of other people - my tolerance threshold for that is not high either.

Either get the kid to STFU, or take it away please.

She should've read the signals and listened to her child who clearly wasn't happy. I did a very similar thing when I had a little baby and the visitor wasn't leaving. Not my best moment but I was tired and didn't have the where with all to deal with it better. Perhaps she was struggling too though if its always tough with her child. Hopefully it'll blow over , she really should give you a bit of understanding.

You've lost me now OP, YABVU. She is acknowledging the difficult situation and is evidently embarrassed and not angry with you for asking her to leave. But you can't let it go? Are you looking for a formal apology for her toddler's tantrum? It's one awkward moment, good luck maintaining friends if that's how easy it is to create distance.

@Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong nope, if the friend was embarrassed that's their problem. It's not OP's problem their kid was difficult.