Did I over react?

[Namechangedgr]

NC for this!

I recently had a newborn baby, and we are just ready for visitors. Today a friend came with her DC who is around 2, and it was so awful and I feel guilty.

Her DC was very tired as didn’t have his nap, and for a good 20-30 minutes was SCREAMING the entire house down. The neighbours also heard. My newborn was fast asleep and woke up very upset and wouldn’t calm. My friend kept trying to calm her son/talk to him/rock him but he wasn’t behaving. I kept saying that my newborn is very uncomfortable and eventually I took him to the kitchen. My friend was showing no signs of wanting to go and just kept staying.

eventually I asked her if she would leave please as my newborn is very upset from the loud noise. Was that really rude of me? She’s been ignoring me since. Her DC was screaming so loudly and surely she should’ve known that this isn’t right for a tiny baby to be around? Also the fact that in my own home I had to go to another room.

she seemed very annoyed when she left. I know I am hormonal but now she’s ignoring me and I feel like I’ve lost a friendship but I had to do what was right for my little baby, and having her child screaming wasn’t right.

no - she is saying how annoying it is that he missed his nap, but that the noise was good for my newborn so turned it all about her.

Newborns don't get 'upset' because of other babies kicking off. It really would've been no big deal to me. However, it mattered to you and was clearly doing your head in and as a result your friend will probably withdraw, which is what you'd like I think.

Yes they do. He was fast asleep and woke up
startled. The screaming was next to him. So yes they can get upset if they’re woken up from a deep sleep.

it may have come off a little rude BUT sometimes you need to be, people who are so unaware need to hear things in a more blunt way

she should have read the room and taken it upon herself to leave, even more so because you were clearly uncomfortable and having to go to another room

dont feel bad you did nothing wrong, you did what you needed to do, i would have done the same

congrats on the baby x

Depends how it was said and if you tried to help. Ie did you offer a drink for toddler or suggest watering plants in garden etc. You could have just said oh baby seems really unsettled I might take him for a drive in the car - really sorry but can we reschedule for another time vs your ds is upsetting my baby.

Yes!! I offered snacks, for them to go outside, some water, some milk, said shall I open the window incase it’s too hot!!

Why on earth should OP who has a newborn entertain a toddler?! It's entirely on the mum, I can't believe how people act as soon as they have kids!

But I did! (Read my post just before yours!)

Currently wiping crushed melty sticks form my sofa!

@Namechangedgr you're a better person than I am!

I think if my friend was struggling with a toddler I would offer to help.

Anyway the op said she did offer some distractions. Sometimes toddlers cannot be reasoned with. She probably should have left herself but I think there are tactful ways of making this happen without her feeling embarrassed.

I did!!!! And I also have a very little baby. Sorry but what more could I have done????

She isn’t embarrassed at all. She said these things happen and I have to get used to it. She didn’t see there as a a problem. She isnt embarrassed.

Other than what the OP did, what else should she have done? It really was not on for the friend to stay, if she was unable to manage the situation in this case. How many new mothers would want a screaming toddler around like that? who knows what the OP could be recovering from birth wise. The friend should have been aware of the situation, and taken her leave, without needing to be cajoled to do so.

No, you weren't rude at all. Your friend should have been more accommodating and realised the situation was not good for your child. I don't understand why you feel guilty about this?

I don't think OP does feel guilty now she's started to get people agreeing with her 😂

Yep, definitely do that!

This. It's common sense to clean up after OR better yet not let your toddler throw food and things at someone's home. You are not being precious a all.

I cannot believe the responses you’re getting! You have JUST had a baby, bloody hell - who brings a screaming toddler round to the house of someone who gave birth just weeks ago and just sits there letting them make a mess?

I would have been mortified if that was my toddler and removed them from the situation immediately. Would people really sit in someone else’s home with their overtired toddler letting them scream?

You are REALLY not being unreasonable or rude, and you definitely don’t owe her an apology.

Aww bless.

You're a FTM you're allowed to be a bit bonkers !!🤣

when you have baby number two, do you plan on boarding nursery for this one??

her DS looks huge & messy & loud to you now, but in 2 years he'll still look like your baby. You'll be doing your best and some PFB's mummy will judge you harshly. It's the way of the world.

best thing to do is apologise for being so precious, & tell her you're still getting used to having a tiny newborn.

she had one not that long ago & just needs reminding how overwhelming it can be.

hopefully she'll apologise & you can both move on

Envious of your newborn cuddles ❤️

I have a toddler!! Just in this situation if she behaved that way I would’ve tried to settle her or left!

thank you for this! I seem to have divided the members on this thread. Still feeling. A bit guilty though.

@Namechangedgr sorry my phone & MN have had a falling out. It was showing your OP was the only post when I opened the thread🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

You either want to build a bridge or you dont OP. You contacted her, she's replied. It was a bit of a messy situation, she didn't do as she should, maybe you were a bit sharp. I wouldn't hold out for a grovelling apology if you want to be friends, arrange to meet her at hers or out somewhere next time.