i was chief bridesmaid, been at hotel for two days, and had to leave at 10ish due to medical reason, now she isn't speaking to me

[Aphrodite010]

so i know that there is etiquette and requirements for the chief Bridesmaid, and i feel i did everything i was supposed to do, i joined in the all the pre wedding meals, etc, and was at the reception, photographs etc, joined in all the reception activities, stayed at the night do till 10 ish but was feeling unwell. i stayed as long as i could, but felt that i couldn't manage any longer. when i told the bride i was leaving due to feeling unwell (this wasn't drink related) she wasn't happy, and has since been very distant and has only answered my messages with short snips. (her family already didn't think i should have been chief bridesmaid anyway, and made me know it over the last year).
my question is was i wrong to go home, should i have stayed till gone one in the morning? i was there for everything, everyone was just getting drink by this time. i feel really terrible it has come to this.

You did nothing wrong - if she has a problem, then she has a problem. Not you

honestly some brides go full on bridezilla batshit crazy mode. Let her get in touch it she wants to and don't send her any more messages. Let her sulk!

There's something wrong with her she's obviously being unreasonable. You're obviously a good friend or she wouldn't have chosen you so to think her wedding is more important than your health, is nuts.

it may depend on the nature of the illness, or if you have form for doing things like this?

Based on what you’ve said, 10pm sounds reasonable… the rest of the night is just a party and not everyone is a night owl.

it depends on what was wrong? if you were just feeling under the weather, for the sake of a few more hours you could have sucked it up! if you were having a full on heart attack, then i could understand.

I think it depends on the 'medical reason'.

Does it? If a friend said I'd like to go home as I'm not feeling well, at 10pm, I wouldn't interrogate them on their medical condition. I'd thank them for all their help and let them go.

Even if it was the shits, I wouldn’t want to be at a party after 10pm with the shits.

If my chief bridesmaid had told me she was feeling unwell I'd be ordering and paying for a taxi for her/or organising someone to take her home.

Besides, 10pm is a perfectly reasonable time to leave.

Bridezilla alert.

She seems to be confusing you with a servant. You did all the bridesmaid stuff. Why would your presence have been so vital for the rest of the evening after 10pm anyway?

I wouldn't expect someone to stay up until the early hours if they were feeling properly ill. I can't really see what the bride's problem is.

Unless there's a big back story here where you regularly get judgey about other people drinking and flounce off in a huff, or have been acting like a feeble wet lettuce throughout the two days at the hotel or something.

I think leaving the evening reception at 10pm is fine, for any reason.

What is left for a chief bridesmaid to do at the point anyway, guide the groom into the bride?

Your friend and her family seem extremely high maintenance.

She’s a shit friend!

(my chief bridesmaid neglected her “duties” to the point where she forgot to invite my sister from abroad to the hen party, etc etc, and on the day of the wedding got so pissed (while we were getting ready) that she passed out quite soon after the first dance 😄 she was swaying during the wedding breakfast!)

“Guide the groom into the bride” 🤣🤣🤣

I probably wouldn’t either, but if I had a friend who always dipped out of things or left due to an achey toe or sore throat, yes I’d probably not hide my feelings about it on my wedding night. In general, yes I think 10pm sounds fine to head off, but there might be a reason the bride feels put out.

This!

10pm sounds fine to me. Did you say you'd be there for something after that time?

She is aware of my illness and no I don’t have form doing this

In that case 10pm seems reasonable.

Do you think her attitude could have something to do with her family? There must be a ‘reason’ (justified or not) that they didn’t think you should be bridesmaid - maybe she now feels like they’ve been proved right?

Lol my chief bridesmaid had to go home at 9:30pm because she's a huge introvert and after hours of being sociable, chatty and doing her bit she was reaching the point of social exhaustion where she was either going to hide under a table and cry or murder one of my aunties with a cake slice. I gave her a cuddle and off she went. No hard feelings at all.

Some people are so weirdly militant about their weddings, they seem to forget the other attendees are human beings, not androids send from space to provide them The Perfect Day™

No I had done all my duties. And for the record my medical health wasn’t bowel related I am waiting for an operation. I have not dipped out of anything before for this medical reason I am usually the party animal

I was a bridesmaid to my best friend recently. I left the reception at 11pm (the party hadn’t wound down yet and would continue for a couple of hours after that). I didn’t feel ill but was simply tired after a long and wonderful day. My friend had no issue at all with me leaving- just gave me a huge hug and thanked me for helping to make her day special!

So you were there the day & night before(?), there the morning of, for the ceremony, reception & evening do until 10pm?

That sounds plenty!

Were they leaving for their honeymoon at midnight or something & you missed that?

I had been there over 24 hours. Her family do have very different outlook on things to me. And a couple of people were not happy with her decision to ask me as they had known her longer.