i was chief bridesmaid, been at hotel for two days, and had to leave at 10ish due to medical reason, now she isn't speaking to me

[Aphrodite010]

so i know that there is etiquette and requirements for the chief Bridesmaid, and i feel i did everything i was supposed to do, i joined in the all the pre wedding meals, etc, and was at the reception, photographs etc, joined in all the reception activities, stayed at the night do till 10 ish but was feeling unwell. i stayed as long as i could, but felt that i couldn't manage any longer. when i told the bride i was leaving due to feeling unwell (this wasn't drink related) she wasn't happy, and has since been very distant and has only answered my messages with short snips. (her family already didn't think i should have been chief bridesmaid anyway, and made me know it over the last year).
my question is was i wrong to go home, should i have stayed till gone one in the morning? i was there for everything, everyone was just getting drink by this time. i feel really terrible it has come to this.

They were staying over at the venue. As were a lot of family and friends but I had to get home so didn’t stay over

10pm is a perfectly reasonable time to call it a night, even without a medical issue.

I would be worried about my friend not annoyed.
Ignore her.
She’ll get over it.

I’d be disappointed if you missed the reception after you did so much of the hard work but I wouldn’t take it out on you. It doesn’t seem very nice behaviour - perhaps she’s been unduly influenced by her family and friends who said you shouldn’t be chief bridesmaid.

How selfish of you to be unwell, OP. You should have stayed at your post until you dropped dead, and you should have done that quietly and out of the way somewhere, without drawing attention to yourself on The World's Most Important Person's Special Day 😆

Honestly, is there anything that makes people lose their minds more comprehensively than Being A Bride?

Does it? If a friend said I'd like to go home as I'm not feeling well, at 10pm, I wouldn't interrogate them on their medical condition. I'd thank them for all their help and let them go.

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Absolutely this! It sounds like OP threw herself into the role. Surely if bride really is a good friend she would not want her mate to feel obligated to hang around if she wasn't well?

You were very inconsiderate to time your feeling unwell to coincide with the day you were chief bridesmaid. There were another 364 days in the year to choose from, why did you choose that day? Is the question a totally unreasonable bridezilla would ask.

I think you did well to soldier on until 10pm, the bride has a problem, not you.

Hope your op goes to plan, OP X

She's a batshit ingrate.

Weddings were a lot better when the bride and groom couldn't wait to be off alone together and left the receptions early.

Now they want to wring every last moment out of what they have paid for, and stay to the bitter end, making everyone else feel guilty if they don't stay, too. It's so obnoxious and inconsiderate. There is no reason that wedding days need to be so extended and exhausting.

Don't let her intimidate you or make you feel guilty. She's the weirdo.

Goodness, you did well waiting until 10pm. I’m assuming the bride knew you are awaiting an operation and instead of feeling hurt you should feel angry about her attitude to your physical health.

My (only) bridesmaid was so kind. She wore a dress for me (when she never wore dresses). She stayed until 8pm. Her Partner couldn't attend (a genuine reason for loathing all weddings). I was very thankful for her care & help for all of 'my day'. Your friend is being selfish.

I ahve no idea what time any of my BM's left my wedding.
They were definitely there for most of the evening bit other than that I neithe rknow nor care what time they went to bed.
How did you leaving at 10 impact her exactly? Must have been a shit wedding if thats what she is still focussed on

@Aphrodite010 , from what you've said, I imagine the bride is probably getting it in the neck from the "I told you so" types in her family and friendship group and it's somewhat skewed her judgement. Unfortunately.

Friendship doesn't need to be this complicated or hard, maybe it's a good thing to rid yourself of this bunch. I've never heard of family members being unhappy about a bride's choice of MOH, and she is not a good friend based on her reaction.

You've explained to her that you weren't feeling week and are confident that you did your duties so leave it to her to reach out when she is ready or not.

Its a bit bizarre that you were that important to the bride that you leaving at 10pm was an issue.

Most brides would be in full swing of the wedding and with guests, and their groom - they'd really not have an issue with anyone in the bridal party ducking out a half hour early.

Make me think her marriage is off to a bad start...

It's a bit harsh to say there's something wrong with her. She's probably just a bit taken aback that her closest friend left her wedding. She'll hopefully reflect and realise that people can't help being ill once the wedding fever is over.

She sounds unreasonable & hopefully when she snaps out of the all important wedding bubble she'll realise.
10pm is absolutely fine to leave. My chief bridesmaid sneakily got her boyfriend to pick her up at 6pm from my wedding...so she could go to somebody else's evening do!

But it's not as if she left during the ceremony or the photographs or wedding meal. It was at 10pm at night. When I got married when it got to that time I just wanted to go up to our room and chill as i had been on the go for 14hrs at that point and was done in

Jeez, when did weddings get to be such fucking hard work?

Did she expect you to scatter rose petals on her bedsheets and serenade her as she was deflowered by her handsome new husband.

I would focus on your own health and not waste worry on her. If she's a real friend she will get in touch again.

"Chief" bridesmaid is just so silly anyway. What pretentious nonsense. You were ill, you did your best, you went home. If a good friend can't cope with that, she's no type of friend at all.

She sounds awful and I wouldn’t be speaking to her after this.

You did absolutely nothing wrong.
You went home in the evening and didn’t stay out until the early hours because you were unwell!

Being chief bridesmaid is a fate worse than death and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy let alone my best friend. Extreme but true 😂

From what you have posted I can't see you have done anything wrong.

I didn't have a specific cheif bridesmaid when I got married a few weeks go but probably thw person everyone assumed to be it left at a similar time to you. She was getting a ridiculously early ferry to go on holiday the next day and had already told her family they were delaying the holiday as she wanted to be at my wedding. I had absolutely no issue with her or anyone leaving.

My FIL is not in the greatest health and left about 8pm

If your friend truly cared about you she would be more concerned for your health than what is essentially just a piss up and disco after 10pm!

My mum left at 10 as she wasn’t feeling well. Didn’t hold that against her. She was ill.

Ignore the daft cow, OP. I get terrible, crippling migraines that usually result in temporary sight loss - a wedding reception with all the noise and body heat would 100% set one off, and once it starts, I'm useless.

If the bride kicked off at me leaving "early" because of a migraine, I'd be seriously pissed off. Her "special day" doesn't trump your health, it's not as if you were going home and making all the guests go with you!