i was chief bridesmaid, been at hotel for two days, and had to leave at 10ish due to medical reason, now she isn't speaking to me

[Aphrodite010]

so i know that there is etiquette and requirements for the chief Bridesmaid, and i feel i did everything i was supposed to do, i joined in the all the pre wedding meals, etc, and was at the reception, photographs etc, joined in all the reception activities, stayed at the night do till 10 ish but was feeling unwell. i stayed as long as i could, but felt that i couldn't manage any longer. when i told the bride i was leaving due to feeling unwell (this wasn't drink related) she wasn't happy, and has since been very distant and has only answered my messages with short snips. (her family already didn't think i should have been chief bridesmaid anyway, and made me know it over the last year).
my question is was i wrong to go home, should i have stayed till gone one in the morning? i was there for everything, everyone was just getting drink by this time. i feel really terrible it has come to this.

Dump the control freak and be thankful that you had a lucky escape. What an awful friend that she wasn't concerned about the health and welfare of her friend.

You should ask her directly.

I agree but I still think I might be taken aback if someone important to the wedding left at 10. It's pretty early for a wedding. However, the bride shouldn't have treated her unkindly for being ill. She'll realise when it all cools down I think.

Her and her family sound batshit. Better off finding decent people to be friends with.

My mum didn't even come to my wedding. I do hold that against her!

There was nothing wrong with leaving at 10pm, especially as you weren't feeling well OP.

I don't think you did anything wrong. 10pm is fine to leave a party, even if you are feeling well. if you're not feeling well, even more justified. you've fulfilled all of your bridesmaidly duties by that point. you're not letting anyone down.

it's unfair of her to make an issue of it where there isn't one.

It depends on what ‘feeling unwell’ means.
If it was just tired, a bit drunk, headachy from alcohol, full of food, sore feet that can be normal after a long day at a wedding, then possibly yabu and I can see how your friend may think you should have hung on.
Genuine illness yanbu

Really poor behaviour by her. I'm so sorry. Totally unacceptable. I don't understand why people become like this around weddings.

You have every right to leave a function, whenever you want. What did she want? A competition to see who could stay up the latest? She sounds like an emotional drain to me.

Actually I was at a 30th birthday last night, and one of the guests said to me "I want to leave and go home now, I've had enough" and I went with her, as I'd also had enough. Then my daughter and her partner said they'd also come with us. Nobody was offended, they are just thankful we'd gone along and had a good time while we were there!

10.00pm is a perfectly reasonable time to retire.

Anything later is usually people drinking too much and becoming sloppy.

Personally I can see your friends perspective, she gone against what everyone thinks and asks you to be maid of honour, then you bail

I left my daughter’s wedding about 9pm. I hadn’t been well all day and felt terrible when I got up in the morning. I actually said if it had been any other occasion I would have given my apologies early morning.
My daughter even said to me that I should go home as I didn’t look well. Dont feel guilty for leaving, as long as you didn’t just leave without telling anyone you were going then I don’t see a problem, you were there for the majority of the day.

But she was there for all the important bits of the wedding. 10pm is near enough at the end of the wedding so it's not as big a deal leaving then

This woman is not your friend. I’d move on with my life and concentrate on my own health if I was you.
I’m sorry that this is happening x

It is awful what weddings have become!! Over the top stag and hen do’s that no one can really afford - that last for days!

No kids at weddings!!

Bridezilla behaviour!!! you can’t possibly not stay with the bridal party all the time, even if you feel shit!! Just totally ridiculous.

I went to the most wonderful wedding last month - 2 grooms. Stag do’s one night in a central uk location. stayed in a cheap hotel - people came and went depending on what they could afford!!

A beautiful wedding with lots of kids participating and just having the best time! Grooms paid for their best men and women accommodation the night before and night after - no obligation to stay if it was inconvenient for them (and families).

I just don’t understand what this new wedding thing is all about - it’s truly awful and I am sorry the bride has done this to you.

I've no idea what time my bridesmaids left my wedding.

Weddings now seem to have become an opportunity for narcissists to exercise as much control as possible over other people. As bride , everyone else is your guest. The party is about celebrating your marriage, sure, but when you host guests you need to make sure they have a good time.

Jeez… I remember when the bride and groom shot off early, and no one gave a toss about what the guests were doing.🙄

I've no idea what time my bridesmaids left my wedding. What a silly thing to care about.

Weddings now seem to have become an opportunity for narcissists to exercise as much control as possible over other people. As bride, everyone else is your guest. The party is about celebrating your marriage, sure, but when you host guests you need to make sure they have a good time and if they don't feel well and need to leave that ought to be fine. It's basic good manners.

I imagine she’s disappointed- she imagined you there all night on her wedding day and you weren’t. Maybe the fact you left will lead to her getting grief from the family members that didn’t want you as head bridesmaid. You didn’t do anything wrong though, she’ll hopefully see sense and get over it.

Our best man became ill after the wedding breakfast
he went off to bed in the middle of the afternoon
we didnt see him until the next day

he was ill. We didn’t hold it against him

your friend is being unfair