Why have you got anxiety?

[ssd]

I'm trying to understand why I have anxiety. I know it does me no favours and sometimes its worse than others. I thought it was menopause but dh said ive been anxiety since he met me 30 years ago. In a school report i got 50 years ago it says "ssd is an anxious pupil especially in new situations "...so i just feel I've always been anxious.

Im not sure why, so im asking for anyone else that knows why they have it.

At this point in history I think it makes more sense to ask why anyone doesn't have anxiety.

I originally thought it was from a traumatic incident that caused ptsd about 10 years ago.
However after going through therapy realised it was from childhood. I think a combination of an abusive father and undiagnosed autism.
I think yhe trauma was what tipped me fromm OK/just managing to this is now an issue.

It’s an interesting question. For me I think it is because I am autistic and for many years I didn’t know. The pressures of masking are anxiety inducing.

I don’t think it matters, only that you recognise it’s not too late to deal with it. I suspect that in my case, it was learned behaviour from two timid, withdrawn parents who defaulted to not coping with the world. Unfortunately, that meant that not only did I learn to be anxious, because the world scared my adults, but I then had to cope with that world myself, and parent them from a very young age, because they weren’t able. As a result, I’m both an anxious adult, but I absolutely never allow myself to let myself off a single hook because of that.

Parents split at a young age, emotionally abusive mum, sexually abusive dad, hot headed stepdad and of arguments generally at home.

Lots of men leering at me as a teen as I was slim with a very large chest, including a taxi driver basically kerb crawling me when I was 14 even though I was wearing jeans and a (albeit tightish) t shirt.

Bullying all throughout high school, my mum's solution was for me to move schools every year 🙄

Never fitted in, felt alien . Have since realised I'm probably autistic and am awaiting assessment.

Gut health?

https://www.utsouthwestern.edu/newsroom/articles/year-2023/nov-gut-bacteria-anxiety.html

We do have gut issue - mine worse in peri menopause - but DS improved in late childhood with lots of fermented food.

Undiagnosed neural diversity of some sort - suspect that was an issue with one if not more of my DP - it's rife in wider family. I was diagnosed with dyslexia and dyspraxia in early 20s so had entre school career of being told there were issue then not - and blamed for struggling.

Learned behavior - suspect I was brought up anxious - as that how my DP operated always expecting the worst. I spent a lot of time in 20 read self help books and developing techniques to deal with inner voice that mimics my DP going over all time things went wrong and having to counter with all time they went right.

I try very hard not to let my anxiety stop my DC from doing things - while at same time having a realistic risk outlook which is not easy. However DD1 went off to uni and her new GP put her on mild low dose antianxiety meds which she says make life much easier so genetics or learned behavior must be affecting her as well.

Until a year ago I felt that anxiety was ridiculous, something young people used as an excuse.
I still wouldn't say I'm anxious, I say that I'm highly strung or worry a lot. I don't like the label.

However DH said I'm the most anxious person he's ever met.

I'm a high achiever, have done presentations to 100 's people no problem. Can and have travel abroad on my own, wouldn't even blink.

But I feel guilty about absolutely everything. If someone loses their passport, then it's my fault and I should have been more on top of things.

If I was supposed to do some admin and DH asks me if it was done when it wasn't yet, I fly off the handle in self defense.

I feel everything is my responsibility, I micro manage everything at home and I have massive control issues.

I have had some therapy but although I can recognise it now when it happens, I can't stop it.

Mine is definitely from DH dying in a RTA.
Although I had a shit childhood I was never an anxious child, was always described as confident in school ( probably because it was a safe space for me)
Had a good career, started my own business, all was well with the world until it wasn’t.
My world crashed down in a minute and I’ve never been the same person since.

Lots of men leering at me as a teen as I was slim with a very large chest,

I developed early - primary school - and large and the amount of unwanted male attention and the blame attached to me attracting it - didn't help me feel confident.

Do wonder if parental worry over money didn't help and not fitting in due to lack of money - not right clothes and worry over trip and being left out due to not going. Though MIL really had that as a child - didn't have any new clothes till she started work herself at 15- and is the complete other way refuses to worry about anything leaves it all to FIL - insists everything will work out very Pollyanna outlook - only saw cracks in that when FIL was seriously ill.

I'm so sorry

Also Pill made me hugely worse every time and every GP insisted it wasn't related - even when in main stream press about huge study finding a link and it starting when I started pill last time and stopped within week of stopping.

So not hugely surprised that peri menopause is throwing up problems as well - though have found INNOPURE Perimenopause & Menopause Supplements helping though that could be placebo affect.

Childhood abuse, if you’re not safe at home and you’re constantly scanning the environment for signs of danger you’ll take that into adulthood and it will wreak havoc on your health and ability to cope

I'm autistic and intelligent. A difficult combination.

For me it was losing a parent when I was 11. Never felt 100% relaxed since. Finally caved and went on a low dose of sertraline in May… wish I’d done it sooner.

For me it was stuff in my childhood(anxious, neurotic mother, moved around a lot, lived in a very rough area that was unsafe and was bullied a lot etc etc) but I've recently found out I have something genetic that could be a factor too.

Name changed for this. Alcoholic dad, financial stress in childhood, extreme academic standards from family, bullying and fat shaming at school. I feel like it's a miracle I'm not severely depressed anymore and became a functioning adult. Manageable anxiety is almost something that makes me grateful that I came this far.

Everyone gets anxious, it's normal to get anxious.

Anxiety in new situations or situations that push us outside our comfort zone is normal.

Anxiety that is problematic in my case arises from the vulnerability that love gives us. My anxiety is focused on fear for those I love, especially their health.

I think if I had stayed single and never had kids I would be much less of an anxious person, but I would have missed out on so much too.

For me it's a new thing and not something medicated. Since I him my 40s I have started to fret about things that haven't happened yet, whereas before I was just stressed about actual issues. It's always something related to something that happened previously, fairly easy to connect the dots. Silly things like I'm anxious about getting parking in an unfamiliar city next weekend, about my car breaking down on the late night drive home, about DS2 getting lost whenever we go somewhere new. I'm anxious about my two youngest hitting teens and being as awful as their brother, about my Dad having another heart attack, a friend dumping me without reason. I'm learning to manage it but it's like I'm a different person these days.

ASD and anxiety are good friends.

plus I grew up in an abusive home. I spent my childhood in a state of fight or flight.

Mine started after a massive panic attack several years ago. Prior to that I never ever had anxiety.
Now, I just live with anxiety, not particularly thoughts but I have a lot of physical symptoms, to the point that I'm now scared I will one day say something is anxiety when actually it's something more sinister.

I actually suspect I have ASD, it's been brought to the front of my mind as DS2 is also suspected and he's very like me. I really understand him

Because there are no jobs.

No answer - it's one of those things. Often without logic. I have Generalised Anxiety - I've stopped questioning it years ago.

I actually don't know where mine stemmed from. I used to be very outgoing and social. Now I can't even get the bus on my own. I won't go in a shop if it's too crowded and I have panic attacks. Very odd.

My husbands advanced cancer diagnosis - twice 😫

I think its because I'm autistic. I used to think it was because I had an isolated and abusive childhood, but now I think its just the way my brain is. I find some things that don't worry most people, really terrifying.

Its actually a bit easier now I am retired from work and just don't have to do a lot of the things that used to worry me, and I'm not constantly masking for work.