Why have you got anxiety?

[ssd]

I'm trying to understand why I have anxiety. I know it does me no favours and sometimes its worse than others. I thought it was menopause but dh said ive been anxiety since he met me 30 years ago. In a school report i got 50 years ago it says "ssd is an anxious pupil especially in new situations "...so i just feel I've always been anxious.

Im not sure why, so im asking for anyone else that knows why they have it.

Propensity for anxiety is a personality trait which some people have a lot of and others less so; women are much more likely to have higher anxiety. And then life circumstances can exacerbate it.
You can get better at managing it but your baseline might always be above average.
I’m with you on having the tendency. Changed my career to have less daily stress/80h working weeks as it was sending me to the ground. Daily habits like walking, excercise, good food, meditation, nature. Much better now than I was before.

The result of growing up with very anxious parents and a dad with bipolar disorder whose mood swings created a tension in the house like you wouldn't believe. Add a couple of very unpleasant deaths into the mix and bingo!

The way I was brought up (pushy parent) and some bullying.

But some people, they would have long ago worked past that. I think the genetic input into propensity to anxiety is huge.

I found out recently that I have a genetic variant (which is common) which mean your body does not 'clear' anxiety hormones as quickly as it should, so they build up, and the anxiety lasts longer and is more easily provoked. I'm taking various supplements that are supposed to help with the 'clearing'. They are magnesium glycinate, vitamin D, B complex and creatine. There was something about folic acid as well which I couldn't quite follow so have skipped that one. It does seem to be helping a little but I've only been doing it a few weeks.

I think mine was from (accidentally) finding out my dad wasn't my biological dad as a child. Before that I was very happy-go-lucky and chilled out. Ever since then I started worrying about almost everything. What people think of me, whether people are lying to me / hiding things from me, whether those close to me are going to leave me...

My anxiety was caused by an abusive husband, I just didn't realise it. Since the divorce, nothing at all. It's lovely.

Mine is from watching an ambulance taking my DD after being told she wouldn't live so not to expect her back. Twice now that's happened. She did live but I cannot get that image out of my head

You'd be lost without anxiety - it's an emotion, not a disorder. It's the emotion that is triggered when there is something too important to ignore, such as getting out of bed to get to work in time so you don't get fired, or turning off the hob when you've finished cooking so that your house doesn't burn down.

Yes, it feels horrible but if it didn't it would be easy to ignore - that's the whole point. It becomes an issue when it's prodding you to do something about a situation you can't change or when what it's telling you is no longer relevant to your current life. Anxiety should whisper softly - on a scale of 0 (no anxiety) to 10 (unbearable) - if should bumble along at between 1-3 with an occasional 5 when you really, really need to pay attention. Over a 6 on a regular basis needs helps.

It’s a disorder when it becomes debilitating - which is what I imagine the OP was describing and certainly what I meant.

On that basis @Eyesopenwideawake I need help. Not sure where from/what. That's a great explanation.

I think I've always been a 'bit of a worrier' but in my 50s I've started to be floored by it. I think it's literally mental overload, combined with menopause, which means I can't stop. It's like a habit and if I'm not busy and immersed in something, I am worrying. Single parenting where I shoulder 99% of the responsibility. A desire for high standards. Being a high achiever academically. Being too precise and wanting to sort everything out if it's 'not right'. Worrying about my DC's future, particularly education. And, post-pandemic, a discomfort that so much is just 'not working properly' in terms of social systems that used to support well eg GPs. It's exhausting and is becoming debilitating.

@GreenPoppy how did you find out about genetics on this?

What I would really like to learn how to do is compartmentalise, so my worries in one area of life don't colour my whole life. But I can't seem to master that technique, try as I might.
I am not at the debilitating stage though. I am functional, just stressed and grumpy.

I have social anxiety from growing up with undiagnosed dyspraxia. I struggled more than most of the other children with pretty much everything and nobody knew why so I assumed it was my fault. I was relentlessly bullied by both the children who knew I was different and teachers who thought I was lazy. By the end of primary school my anxiety was so bad I wouldn't speak except for at home. It's not as bad now and can talk to people if I need to but the anxiety has never gone away.

Because I was "brought up" by two screwed up emotionally abusive cretins. (In another country).
Only understood fully when reached mid forties.

I probably wouldn’t be diagnosed actually, I have very mild anxiety - more than the average person probably, but I wouldn’t meet the threshold for a diagnosis as I live a normal life and most of it is lived out in my head. I think it’s because my parents were ‘panickers’ who were constantly stressed, in a rush or shouting at us not to do things. They also had horrible arguments which filled me with panic/dread. Plus a few other destabilising factors. So I basically grew up walking on eggshells, and some of it has lingered as an adult.

Just to follow up my previous comment I’m actually naturally quite a confident, outgoing person - I don’t have social anxiety and really enjoy socialising and being around people. It’s more health anxiety over my children, and a general sense of dread/unease that makes it hard to sleep or ever fully relax.

@familyissues12345 I feel the same. Most of the time it's physical symptoms and I often don't even know what is causing my anxiety. But it did all start with a massive panic attack that came out of nowhere

I could have posted this OP! My DM used to tell me I was "highly strung" as a child but now I just think I was anxious. I hate that it can be so debilitating. I don't think there is any reason for it, it's just how I am.

Undiagnosed ASD left me vulnerable to bullying and abuse as a child. I wasn’t safe anywhere and was on high alert for my safety all the time.

I now worry about my kids, my house and the death of loved ones. I spent three years on such high alert that I was seriously asking doctors if I could die from anxiety. I can see how easy it would be to use alcohol etc to dull the worry, and understand how some people become addicts.

I haev zero social anxiety
zero health anxiety
zero travel anxiety
but I have a lot of anxiety over the future of my kids, probably because that is not in my control, unlike other things.

Autism? Were you sleep trained as a baby?

I've always been a bit anxious- a bit of health anxiety particularly. My mum was anxious and it transferred I think. Losing my mum made things worse.

One thing for me though is if I'm really spiraling with it I know my iron is low and get a blood test. When my iron is ok it's manageable and doesn't impact my life.

@lilyathena That's quite a list. Try breaking it down and making decisions from your rational mind rather than your subconscious.

Single parenting where I shoulder 99% of the responsibility.

Is this through necessity or preference? What would happen if someone else offered to share the burden?

A desire for high standards.

Do high standards bring happiness? What are 'low' or 'acceptable' standards mean to you?

Being a high achiever academically.

Again, does this achieve happiness? Who in your life has/is dictating academic success as being desirable?

Being too precise and wanting to sort everything out if it's 'not right'.

Ever seen a happy perfectionist? Ever seen a candy stripped unicorn? Both are equally rare.

Worrying about my DC's future, particularly education.

On the surface that seems reasonable; education = options. But worrying gets you absolutely nowhere without actual action. Teaching them to cook, to do DIY, to travel, etc also adds to their options.

And, post-pandemic, a discomfort that so much is just 'not working properly' in terms of social systems that used to support well eg GPs

Again, worrying about stuff that is outside of your control is a waste of time and energy. Unless you have the time and drive to be part of the system (local council or political party) what value does worrying bring to your life?

Some from childhood trauma.
Some from domestic abuse.
I am trying to work through it but it takes a lot of time and effort to reduce any of the anxiety.
The NHS assessment said I have moderate to high GAD.
I have been on the waiting list for some counselling for 6 months. They told me initially it was a three month wait. Now I will believe it happen when I get offered a start date.

I believe I have it from my mum. My brother doesn’t though but he is ND.

Sorry to hear. These kind of events really knock your confidence - I think it’s maybe realising the lack of control we actually have over own lives?
I hope you’re finding ways to cope - CBT helped me a lot after something similar.

Because our human brains can’t cope with the way the world is now.