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Just a massive MIL rant

89 replies

Salutee · 28/08/2024 12:24

Just wanted to have a massive whinge about MIL who had just left after staying with us for four days

context?
we don’t see her very often as she lives in a different country.
we go to her usually once a year, she comes to us every few years.
I work in heath care and work shifts
my partner works around my shifts
we have one kid who does a lot of extra curricular.
life for us is very busy but we have a schedule that works pretty good but being a stepford wife is not something I can fit into my schedule.
once per week the house gets scrubbed top to bottom and we do a big food shop, we keep on top of the kitchen and bathroom during the week and maybe run a vac if we need to but by no means is the house dirty or untidy by most people’s standards.

when she comes she drives me fucking nuts.
she asks me where all the cleaning products are and basically throws them away and says they are not good and replaces them all with cleaning products she likes, I use generic brand disinfectant for everything and she wants particular branded products.

she throws food away in the fridge that I like, yoghurt, tofu, etc and buys more food that we could ever possibly eat, I’ve had to remove a shelf in my freezer to jigsaw stack all of the meat she has bought. I’m a vegetarian.

she buys a loaf of bread and throws it away three days later because it’s hard now because it’s too cold (I keep bread in the fridge)

she has bought a massive tub of laundry powder that I hate because it’s a really strong smell and now I feel obliged to use it because I hate waste.

she insists on going grocery shopping EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. And she buys the same shit. I have three tubs of butter in my fridge. Not the butter I usually buy of course. Because, of course this is not good butter. My partner picked me up from a horrific night shift in the emergency dept and I could hav cried I was so tired and she insisted that we go shopping on the way back even though I smelt like vomit and death and looked like I’d been smacked with a bag of spanners. I’m walking round the supermarket like a zombie and she is buying CARTONS of eggs

she won’t let me cook, if I open the fridge she literally takes things out of my hands and says she will do it- what do I want. Sit down. I will do it better. If I actually tell her what I want to eat or cook she will just ignore and make something she thinks is best. I like the food that she makes but it’s incredibly fatty/carb heavy and always has meat in it and I feel obliged to eat it.

she brought me a gift of a teapot which is beautiful and lovely and thoughtful but she is saying I have to get rid of my current teapot which (sounds silly) but has enormous sentimental value having travelled round the world with me unscathed. Last time she came she was commenting that one of the matching cups was missing and a saucer was chipped and couldn’t accept that I don’t care about that.

her trip was planned last minute and so we hadn’t a chance to finish decorating the spare room so she had our bedroom while we slept on sofa/pull out. Whilst in our bedroom she has completely reorganised my wardrobes so that it ‘makes sense’ including reorganising and FOLDING MY UNDERWEAR.

it’s like she thinks I’m inadequate or dirty or lazy because the house isn’t pristine all the time or laundry is in a basket at the bottom of the wardrobe waiting to be folded.

I know she means well and wants to be ‘helpful’ but it’s so incredibly invasive and the underwear thing has totally tipped me over the edge I mean what the fuck. Who folds PANTS???? Who folds SOMEONE ELSES PANTS??? Who folds someone else’s pants WITHOUT ASKING

I’ll never say anything because she’s old and we hardly ever see her and she’s already sad because her son is not at home with her - just with some lazy British woman 😂 living in the squalor of home brand disinfectant and budget bog roll.

Rant over thanks for your attention.

OP posts:
DontBiteTheCat · 28/08/2024 12:27

Oh OP.

You sound like an absolute saint because I would have lost my shit by now. Does your husband not say anything? Most things I could let slide for an easy life, but I wouldn’t tolerate her folding my pants or making you go shopping after a horror shift.

Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun · 28/08/2024 12:31

Move and don't give her your new address..
Make plans for that spare room. Dcat /sewing machine /books /dc /reptile collection/lodger..
Pretend you won a free stay at local Airbnb and send her there...
Please tell me you didn't eat meat to appease her?

Salutee · 28/08/2024 12:31

DontBiteTheCat · 28/08/2024 12:27

Oh OP.

You sound like an absolute saint because I would have lost my shit by now. Does your husband not say anything? Most things I could let slide for an easy life, but I wouldn’t tolerate her folding my pants or making you go shopping after a horror shift.

Yes he does and they end up arguing in their language which I can’t speak so I just feel awkward and she gets upset that she’s not wanted or appreciated- I hate conflict and my partner is usually just super chill but it’s honestly infuriating. I have to tell him to just go with it as much as possible because I think she is just trying to show us she cares in her own batshit way

OP posts:
Salutee · 28/08/2024 12:34

Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun · 28/08/2024 12:31

Move and don't give her your new address..
Make plans for that spare room. Dcat /sewing machine /books /dc /reptile collection/lodger..
Pretend you won a free stay at local Airbnb and send her there...
Please tell me you didn't eat meat to appease her?

😂😂yes I do eat meat to appease her because she just cannot accept that a person cannot eat meat. I am not strict with vegetarianism so i don’t stress too much but after eating meat and potatoes so much for the last few days my belly is like a balloon and I feel like I’ve put on 5kg

OP posts:
NameChangedToDisguiseEmbarrassment · 28/08/2024 12:35

Oh good lord this was bad enough but then THE PANTS has finished me off. You’re a saint, OP.

My MiL brings her own towels and bedding (yes, the full sheet and pillowcase and duvet cover shebang) when she comes to stay and I thought that was judgey enough!

Prawncow · 28/08/2024 12:35

You deserve a medal 🥇

Salutee · 28/08/2024 12:36

NameChangedToDisguiseEmbarrassment · 28/08/2024 12:35

Oh good lord this was bad enough but then THE PANTS has finished me off. You’re a saint, OP.

My MiL brings her own towels and bedding (yes, the full sheet and pillowcase and duvet cover shebang) when she comes to stay and I thought that was judgey enough!

Her own bedding 😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
Cheesecakecookie · 28/08/2024 12:37

The problem is that you don’t say anything.

You have no boundaries.

I would have declined to go shopping and explained that I am too tired after a long shift, if she wanted to go that much she could go on her own.

Ditto the teapot and cooking.

“No I won’t be doing that” and “no thank you I want to cook” work just fine.

Mitsky · 28/08/2024 12:37

Are you saying that as a vegetarian you’re eating her meat meals because you don’t want to say no? That’s crazy! I mean she also sounds bonkers but surely it’s important to state your boundaries when she’s there.

wheretoyougonow · 28/08/2024 12:38

It's a no from me. Tell your husband if he ever agrees for her to stay with you again, you will be on holiday on your own.

Cheesecakecookie · 28/08/2024 12:38

I’d also be having a word and telling her not to touch my underwear. I wouldn’t even allow my own mother to do that.

Far too passive. Theres a saying about behaving like a doormat means people will treat you like one.

Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun · 28/08/2024 12:39

You behave like a dc doing as you are told around her and is feeding her bullying...
Practice saying no. Learn it in her language so she knows you bloody mean it... And say a few Hail Mary's or do some charity work to repent for eating animals. No force would make me do that. Not even a mil...
*end bit is lighthearted for the lacking in humour out there..

Salutee · 28/08/2024 12:40

Cheesecakecookie · 28/08/2024 12:37

The problem is that you don’t say anything.

You have no boundaries.

I would have declined to go shopping and explained that I am too tired after a long shift, if she wanted to go that much she could go on her own.

Ditto the teapot and cooking.

“No I won’t be doing that” and “no thank you I want to cook” work just fine.

Hahahahahah no these things do not work just fine.

and I’d feel like a dick making an old lady go shopping in a foreign country by herself when she doesn’t speak the language, or know how to drive

OP posts:
missjeanbrodie123 · 28/08/2024 12:42

Irritating yes but it's only four days once a year!!

FuckThePoPo · 28/08/2024 12:43

I mean binning the tofu fair enough 😉

Salutee · 28/08/2024 12:44

missjeanbrodie123 · 28/08/2024 12:42

Irritating yes but it's only four days once a year!!

Exactly. It’s not like she’s being abusive or racist or drunk.
just a few days a year when I want to poke my eyes out in frustration 😅

OP posts:
Salutee · 28/08/2024 12:45

Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun · 28/08/2024 12:39

You behave like a dc doing as you are told around her and is feeding her bullying...
Practice saying no. Learn it in her language so she knows you bloody mean it... And say a few Hail Mary's or do some charity work to repent for eating animals. No force would make me do that. Not even a mil...
*end bit is lighthearted for the lacking in humour out there..

Having her back here to stay is my charity work 😂. Get a place in heaven for making an old lady happy plus it is quite nice to have dust free skirting boards every now and again

OP posts:
fernsandlilies · 28/08/2024 12:46

You could put the laundry soap etc on Olio to get rid of it and avoid waste

Salutee · 28/08/2024 12:47

fernsandlilies · 28/08/2024 12:46

You could put the laundry soap etc on Olio to get rid of it and avoid waste

Yes il probably just take it into work and give it away.
where might I offload 5kg of cured sausage? And a few bumper sized tins of ogorkie?

OP posts:
OllyBJolly · 28/08/2024 12:47

@Salutee. You have a huge heart. I don't think you're being submissive - you're being kind to your husband's mother. She's probably acting with the best of intentions and sometimes (often) getting it wrong.

Your husband is lucky to have you and not some of the other posters who would not treat his mum with such kindness

Caterina99 · 28/08/2024 12:48

How much longer is her visit?

I get on well with my in-laws and they are by no means as bad as this, but I just kind of accepted that they mean well, genuinely want to help and aren’t trying to insult my cooking/cleaning/dressing babies in appropriate clothing abilities, they’re just used to what they’re used to. And it’s not that frequent so it’s easier to put up with it than start a fight over it to be honest. Now they entertain the DC a lot and have less time for reorganising my kitchen so I feel like their visits are more of a break for me!

I suggest lots of wine. And if possible try to steer the cleaning etc to things you actually want done!

Andwegoroundagain · 28/08/2024 12:48

You are a saint indeed! And as you said I think she is trying to be helpful but just ends up being supremely irritating

Good luck for the rest of the stay!

Cheesecakecookie · 28/08/2024 12:49

Salutee · 28/08/2024 12:40

Hahahahahah no these things do not work just fine.

and I’d feel like a dick making an old lady go shopping in a foreign country by herself when she doesn’t speak the language, or know how to drive

Saying no thank you doesn’t work for you ?!?

Also you said yourself she didnt “need” to go shopping. I’m sure alternative arrangements could have been made the following day without any detriment to her.

Heartofglass12345 · 28/08/2024 12:49

God I found it too much when my MIL went in my wardrobe when I was in labour with my 2nd and they looked after my eldest. I have no idea why as she knew my husband would be back the next day.

I didn't say anything as they did us a favour looking after my eldest while I went to give birth. I couldn't cope with this at all though, you must have the patience of a saint!!

HoHoHoliday · 28/08/2024 12:50

It's once every few years! You can tough it out.
Let her crack on with the cleaning and cooking.
Hide your sentimental teapot while she's there so it can't be chucked out.
When she's gone, clear out the products and food you don't want - plenty of apps and local websites available to give away so they won't go to waste.
Next time put her in the spare room away from your pants, regardless of decorating.
Remember you have a common interest - you both love her son/your partner.

Regardless of the stress of hosting your MIL, remember who you are and what you do for a living - you make a big difference to people when they need it most, you are a wonderful person.

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