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Just a massive MIL rant

89 replies

Salutee · 28/08/2024 12:24

Just wanted to have a massive whinge about MIL who had just left after staying with us for four days

context?
we don’t see her very often as she lives in a different country.
we go to her usually once a year, she comes to us every few years.
I work in heath care and work shifts
my partner works around my shifts
we have one kid who does a lot of extra curricular.
life for us is very busy but we have a schedule that works pretty good but being a stepford wife is not something I can fit into my schedule.
once per week the house gets scrubbed top to bottom and we do a big food shop, we keep on top of the kitchen and bathroom during the week and maybe run a vac if we need to but by no means is the house dirty or untidy by most people’s standards.

when she comes she drives me fucking nuts.
she asks me where all the cleaning products are and basically throws them away and says they are not good and replaces them all with cleaning products she likes, I use generic brand disinfectant for everything and she wants particular branded products.

she throws food away in the fridge that I like, yoghurt, tofu, etc and buys more food that we could ever possibly eat, I’ve had to remove a shelf in my freezer to jigsaw stack all of the meat she has bought. I’m a vegetarian.

she buys a loaf of bread and throws it away three days later because it’s hard now because it’s too cold (I keep bread in the fridge)

she has bought a massive tub of laundry powder that I hate because it’s a really strong smell and now I feel obliged to use it because I hate waste.

she insists on going grocery shopping EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. And she buys the same shit. I have three tubs of butter in my fridge. Not the butter I usually buy of course. Because, of course this is not good butter. My partner picked me up from a horrific night shift in the emergency dept and I could hav cried I was so tired and she insisted that we go shopping on the way back even though I smelt like vomit and death and looked like I’d been smacked with a bag of spanners. I’m walking round the supermarket like a zombie and she is buying CARTONS of eggs

she won’t let me cook, if I open the fridge she literally takes things out of my hands and says she will do it- what do I want. Sit down. I will do it better. If I actually tell her what I want to eat or cook she will just ignore and make something she thinks is best. I like the food that she makes but it’s incredibly fatty/carb heavy and always has meat in it and I feel obliged to eat it.

she brought me a gift of a teapot which is beautiful and lovely and thoughtful but she is saying I have to get rid of my current teapot which (sounds silly) but has enormous sentimental value having travelled round the world with me unscathed. Last time she came she was commenting that one of the matching cups was missing and a saucer was chipped and couldn’t accept that I don’t care about that.

her trip was planned last minute and so we hadn’t a chance to finish decorating the spare room so she had our bedroom while we slept on sofa/pull out. Whilst in our bedroom she has completely reorganised my wardrobes so that it ‘makes sense’ including reorganising and FOLDING MY UNDERWEAR.

it’s like she thinks I’m inadequate or dirty or lazy because the house isn’t pristine all the time or laundry is in a basket at the bottom of the wardrobe waiting to be folded.

I know she means well and wants to be ‘helpful’ but it’s so incredibly invasive and the underwear thing has totally tipped me over the edge I mean what the fuck. Who folds PANTS???? Who folds SOMEONE ELSES PANTS??? Who folds someone else’s pants WITHOUT ASKING

I’ll never say anything because she’s old and we hardly ever see her and she’s already sad because her son is not at home with her - just with some lazy British woman 😂 living in the squalor of home brand disinfectant and budget bog roll.

Rant over thanks for your attention.

OP posts:
Yougetmoreofwhatyoufocuson · 03/09/2024 15:31

Salutee · 28/08/2024 12:47

Yes il probably just take it into work and give it away.
where might I offload 5kg of cured sausage? And a few bumper sized tins of ogorkie?

Olio for everything you want to get rid of even if it’s been opened. Even non edible stuff like teapots and anything else she has left behind/gifted.
I got rid of bags and bags of pantry food that I’d not got round to using when I moved house. It was amazing.

BarbedButterfly · 03/09/2024 15:40

I just couldn't tolerate this. Any of it. You really are a saint.

Luckylu123 · 03/09/2024 23:50

NameChangedToDisguiseEmbarrassment · 28/08/2024 12:35

Oh good lord this was bad enough but then THE PANTS has finished me off. You’re a saint, OP.

My MiL brings her own towels and bedding (yes, the full sheet and pillowcase and duvet cover shebang) when she comes to stay and I thought that was judgey enough!

Ohh your MIL is not being judgy, just trying to be helpful so that you don’t have to wash all the sheets. I’ve got people in my family who do this. Does feel a bit counterintuitive, like they’re not letting you host, but honestly in my experience they’re coming from a place of kindness

boredborednot · 04/09/2024 00:00

I never thought that folding pants was a thing until a few weeks ago ! My friend has been staying from overseas and folds my pants,she is up about 6am ,about 3hrs before me ! It’s amazing how much more room in my underwear drawer I have now!

Hyperfix8d · 04/09/2024 14:32

can I send you my address and you can drop her off here for a week or two? I could do with someone cleaning and organising my house and filling my freezer please 😂

but in all seriousness las time my parents were down I had them stay in an airbnb because I cannot deal with them in my personal so much 🙃

NameChangedToDisguiseEmbarrassment · 04/09/2024 18:59

Luckylu123 · 03/09/2024 23:50

Ohh your MIL is not being judgy, just trying to be helpful so that you don’t have to wash all the sheets. I’ve got people in my family who do this. Does feel a bit counterintuitive, like they’re not letting you host, but honestly in my experience they’re coming from a place of kindness

Oh no believe me, she’s judging. She has plenty of form that shows there’s no place of kindness!

RedStarMilleniumFalcon · 04/09/2024 19:14

Just wanted to say she’s trying her best! My mum-in-law helped out at home often, drove me mad as she had her own way, but she was brilliant and loved my kids (almost) as much as I do! Now mine are older and I might be a MIL one day I want to be helpful and my helpful will look different to my DIL helpful!! She probs isn’t trying to be judgy, she’s probs just doing her best! X

Roto15 · 04/09/2024 20:02

Thanks OP this cracked me up and made realise that whilst my MIL drives me nuts she’s not the worst 😂

cockadoodledandy · 04/09/2024 21:36

Sounds like a cultural thing to me. I think she’s trying to help, to ‘mother’ you in the best way she knows how. It may not translate into our world/culture but as others have said, it’s a few days every few years. Wait it out and she’ll go home again, feeling like she’s done something good.

I think I’d have better things to stress over. All these posters suggesting making a fuss over it. Do you really need that sort of unnecessary stress in your life? There are bigger hills to die on.

Seas164 · 04/09/2024 21:45

I'd be booking an Airbnb for her next visit, and inventing a long run of 24 hour emergency shifts.

Nobody would run at me with a any amount of cured sausage and make me eat it, nor fiddle with my pants unrequested. No matter how old or well meaning.

NoThanksymm · 05/09/2024 22:42

Hahaha. Loved this. Thank you.

id just pass along the laundry detergent. And extra food.

if it’s a week, maybe, but more and hubby needs to step up!!

she should not be going through all your stuff, underpants and all!!

hubby can straight up tell her __is inappropriate in your culture. If she needs something to do, here is the list. (Wash walls, shampoo carpets, scrub grouting etc) the big once a year things.

The food thing is hard when you have no idea how to cook vegetarian. But she could easily take that opportunity to bond.

And as for after shift shopping, again hubby should’ve stepped up. A simple ‘no mom, it’s been a long shift, there is food at home’.

LimeTiger · 06/09/2024 17:37

Salutee · 28/08/2024 12:24

Just wanted to have a massive whinge about MIL who had just left after staying with us for four days

context?
we don’t see her very often as she lives in a different country.
we go to her usually once a year, she comes to us every few years.
I work in heath care and work shifts
my partner works around my shifts
we have one kid who does a lot of extra curricular.
life for us is very busy but we have a schedule that works pretty good but being a stepford wife is not something I can fit into my schedule.
once per week the house gets scrubbed top to bottom and we do a big food shop, we keep on top of the kitchen and bathroom during the week and maybe run a vac if we need to but by no means is the house dirty or untidy by most people’s standards.

when she comes she drives me fucking nuts.
she asks me where all the cleaning products are and basically throws them away and says they are not good and replaces them all with cleaning products she likes, I use generic brand disinfectant for everything and she wants particular branded products.

she throws food away in the fridge that I like, yoghurt, tofu, etc and buys more food that we could ever possibly eat, I’ve had to remove a shelf in my freezer to jigsaw stack all of the meat she has bought. I’m a vegetarian.

she buys a loaf of bread and throws it away three days later because it’s hard now because it’s too cold (I keep bread in the fridge)

she has bought a massive tub of laundry powder that I hate because it’s a really strong smell and now I feel obliged to use it because I hate waste.

she insists on going grocery shopping EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. And she buys the same shit. I have three tubs of butter in my fridge. Not the butter I usually buy of course. Because, of course this is not good butter. My partner picked me up from a horrific night shift in the emergency dept and I could hav cried I was so tired and she insisted that we go shopping on the way back even though I smelt like vomit and death and looked like I’d been smacked with a bag of spanners. I’m walking round the supermarket like a zombie and she is buying CARTONS of eggs

she won’t let me cook, if I open the fridge she literally takes things out of my hands and says she will do it- what do I want. Sit down. I will do it better. If I actually tell her what I want to eat or cook she will just ignore and make something she thinks is best. I like the food that she makes but it’s incredibly fatty/carb heavy and always has meat in it and I feel obliged to eat it.

she brought me a gift of a teapot which is beautiful and lovely and thoughtful but she is saying I have to get rid of my current teapot which (sounds silly) but has enormous sentimental value having travelled round the world with me unscathed. Last time she came she was commenting that one of the matching cups was missing and a saucer was chipped and couldn’t accept that I don’t care about that.

her trip was planned last minute and so we hadn’t a chance to finish decorating the spare room so she had our bedroom while we slept on sofa/pull out. Whilst in our bedroom she has completely reorganised my wardrobes so that it ‘makes sense’ including reorganising and FOLDING MY UNDERWEAR.

it’s like she thinks I’m inadequate or dirty or lazy because the house isn’t pristine all the time or laundry is in a basket at the bottom of the wardrobe waiting to be folded.

I know she means well and wants to be ‘helpful’ but it’s so incredibly invasive and the underwear thing has totally tipped me over the edge I mean what the fuck. Who folds PANTS???? Who folds SOMEONE ELSES PANTS??? Who folds someone else’s pants WITHOUT ASKING

I’ll never say anything because she’s old and we hardly ever see her and she’s already sad because her son is not at home with her - just with some lazy British woman 😂 living in the squalor of home brand disinfectant and budget bog roll.

Rant over thanks for your attention.

You are describing my MIL! I once came home from work to find her scrubbing my pants. As if they were too filthy for the washing machine!!
Twenty plus years in and I avoid seeing her as much as I can. I realised that my politeness and wish to be respectful of my husbands mother was taken by her as licence to walk all over me. I’m sure there is an element of wishing to ‘help’ but it’s very invasive and belittling. It extended to overriding me with the children too.
Can you ask your husband to speak to her gently? Or direct her to do something that would actually be helpful? I’ve found that as time has gone on and my MIL has got older she comes to us less and my husband visits her more instead. I often choose not to accompany him. Sorry not much help but I do empathise.

Toooldtopretend · 09/09/2024 14:13

NameChangedToDisguiseEmbarrassment · 28/08/2024 12:35

Oh good lord this was bad enough but then THE PANTS has finished me off. You’re a saint, OP.

My MiL brings her own towels and bedding (yes, the full sheet and pillowcase and duvet cover shebang) when she comes to stay and I thought that was judgey enough!

My mum brings bedding and towels but only to be nice and save me more washing as she knows we are so busy. Everyone is so quick to see a negative - I really appreciate my mum not wanting to create more work for me.

NameChangedToDisguiseEmbarrassment · 09/09/2024 14:28

Toooldtopretend · 09/09/2024 14:13

My mum brings bedding and towels but only to be nice and save me more washing as she knows we are so busy. Everyone is so quick to see a negative - I really appreciate my mum not wanting to create more work for me.

Absolutely, as I said to a PP, if that was the vibe I would recognise it. It is not the vibe. The intention is clear and part of a pattern. I’m not being quick to see a negative; I wish I were!

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