Oh what financial fools we’ve been

[Platform8]

Good evening,

So today DH and I finally sat down, pulled our credit reports and faced up to years of spending fuckery. We are early 40’s with 2 teens. In ‘good’ jobs with a reasonable mortgage. I earn 65k and DH earns 50k. I also earn an additional 5-10k on freelance work .

for years we have been financial dickheads taking fancy holidays, spending on the house, cars, supporting other family members and generally buying whatever we want. We’ve consolidated many times and run up debt again and again. We tried to remortgage recently but we were declined due to our level of borrowing.

I owe 47k and dh 44k. Please be gentle…. I know how atrocious this is. We also owe my mum 18k but she has said that there’s no rush to repay.

so…. This is where things change. Thankfully we can afford the payments if we get our spending under control. we’ve been through everything and we think that we can throw £3500 at the debt. It will still take a while but we WILL do it

what fucking idiots we have been

It’s all credit cards and loans- high street banks etc. I think we can sell some stuff

DAVE RAMSEY

Stat!

Can your OH earn more money with something? Freelancing, side hustles etc. As your debt is very similar but he earns a lot less.

She’s making a plan. Give her a minute.

Check out the debt free wannabe boards on money saving expert- lots of really good advice on there including about freezing j terest, unenforceable debts etc. Good luck!

As soon as you make a proper budget and stick to it, you will feel immense relief. Good luck.

Please say you don’t have children..

This sounds very smart and sensible to me

Totally - how could anyone be so reckless with money? 🤷🏻‍♀️ it’s OP and their partners fault they got into this situation. We are all entitled to our opinions.

Line 3 of the opening post. Read again

I said that I have two teens in my initial post- why?

Ok. Contact the credit card companies and throw yourself in their mercy. You will be paying a very high apr on a card.

Cancel anything you don’t need. Netflix, cleaner, window cleaner, subscription services,

She’s said she has teens.

Is this some kind of eugenics for debtors?! Why shouldn’t she have kids (they’ve had some good holidays, apart from anything else)

OP ignore anyone who is judgemental - it is so so easy to do and if you have someone in the partnership who is impulsive / easy going it is even easier!

We have finally started tackling ours these past 2 months - our combined debts are c.45k and our combined income is not much more than half of one of your incomes!!! It is terrifying, I totally get you. Our position has meant we have had to go down the route of defaulting but I think our biggest mistake getting here has been consolidating. Defaulting removed all our access to credit and it wasn't until our credit access was removed that I realised that even though we were apparently 'facing up to it', we were still leaning on credit as a crutch.

Please join the Money Saving Expert 'Debt Free Wannabe' forums - the posters there are AMAZING, factual help and no judgement. They will review your statement of affairs for you and help identify anything that doesn't seem correct. They will also help you prioritise your sinking funds, eg, car repairs, clothes, etc. to reduce the chance of unexpected spends popping up.

I still find myself crying when I'm doing bank reconciliations when I realise how far from the end we are but I honestly feel so much more hopeful now than I have for years. Good luck - there are tons of people who have been there and got out or who are also going through it atm.

This was a brave post. You’ve taken the first massive step and it sounds like you are both on the same page. It will be a massive change in lifestyle but you can do this.

I wish you both well.

Well done for facing up to it and making a plan.

You will feel amazing when it’s cleared off.

Stay strong and ignore the weirdos who came on to slate you.

I agree - l hope op and her dh do well with this, takes courage to face such a situation

Could you use something like Stepchange Debt Charity? My husband and I are just recently out of debt with their help. I was really embarrassed contacting them but they are so helpful and supportive.

Bless you, I wish you both well. Let’s keep in touch

I'd second the debt free wannabe forum on money saving expert. They also have a link to a statement of affairs template which you can use to work out where your money's going. You may want to look at saving for a holiday each year as part of your budgeting and for some nice stuff for the family - allowing kids to keep a hobby for example. If you are too extreme you'll set yourself up for failure. Also, as others have said, save for an emergency fund. Good luck!

Of course it’s their fault - the OP knows that. Most of your fuck ups are your fault too.

What’s bizarre is you being unpleasant to her - just because she has a better income than you?? While the OP is clearing the debt, perhaps you could spend some time working on some generosity of spirit, it must be an unpleasant way to live.

Haven't read the full thread but I cannot recommend Martin Lewis money saving expert debt free forum and Dave Ramsay. Good luck it's stressful but it's doable!

Well done for facing up to it, OP - good that you and DH on the same page.

I think the approach proposed by @FinallyYouSaid is a really good one - not least because you will have an emergency fund to hand which will prevent you going into debt if there is a car/boiler/dog surgery type crisis. I love the idea of throwing an extra chunk of money every quarter at the debt as well. And there's also a world of motivation in being able to think of yourselves not wholly and solely as 'people in debt', but also as 'people tackling our debt, while at the same time building savings, pensions and planning for a financially-secure future.'

There are threads on Mumsnet about tackling debt, and as others have said, forums like DebtFreeWannabe on MoneySavingExpert.

Are your children aware of what you're doing?

I’ve never suggested that it’s anyone else’s fault!!

I don't think the OP has claimed otherwise at any point has she? And they're paying it all back, so what does your contribution add?