Adult telling 12 year olds to leave playground

[Wrenbird27]

This happened to my friends daughter. She was with her friends and an older man (~65ish) approached them and told them they were too old to be in the playground. He demanded that they leave before they broke equipment 'with their weight'. He was very persistent and a few of the girls were upset.

The playground was very quiet at the time - just a few other kids.

None of the parents of the 12 year olds were close by - a few of the girls phoned their Mums who arrived quickly but he was gone by then. He didn't have a child himself which the girls noted and thought was odd.

My friend says her daughter won't go there anymore. I think this is a pity as it was a safe area (I thought!) for them to hang out. If there had been more children in the playground they would have moved to the side but the girls said nobody was waiting to go on equipment. The equipment is very sturdy - I've seen adults sitting on swings in there before!

What should they have done?

What a horrible old man. A 12 year old is a child. Thats why children stop playing when they become teens - even though, developmentally, they still need to - because they get shamed out of it!

There's literally a similar thread on antisocial teens suggested below this one

"A lad (about 13/14yo) told one of my little boys to 'get out of the f'-cking way' as he was getting on a climbing frame. I asked him and his friends to watch their language around young children (there were lots of little ones about). I was promptly called a 'nonce' and subjected to an absolute tirade of swearing."

Interesting that some posters are immediately suspicious of nonces even though they're extremely rare in these situations, but not suspicious of groups of older children misbehaving at playgrounds which is fairly common.

I’m not going to lie. I was toying with the fact that lurking about in a kids park when you’ve got no kids with you is at best a tad weird and at worse paedohilac ( sp?) However a paedo would never chase kids would they, in very very very much the wrong way the adore kids.

The annoying thing is also had they said anything back to him they’d have been accused of hurling abuse an a sweet elderly gentleman

I totally agree with this. When my DC were younger, we had to avoid our local playground if there were older children in there (12 to 14yr olds). While they weren’t doing anything criminal, they upset younger children by shouting and swearing; climbing all over the swings; taking over equipment by sitting on it but not using it; kicking balls around, one of which hit a toddler in the head; smearing mud down the slide (and worse). I did tell one group off and got a mouthful of foul abuse back. What annoys me is that there’s a park/skate park/scooter area specifically for older children but they can’t be arsed to walk the short extra distance to it.

If the playground has an age limit on it (it’s often Under 11) or is clearly for little children, older children should stay out. Even ‘nice’ older children can be inadvertently annoying or put off younger children. Also, the presence of any older children just encourages others who might not be so nice.

I did tell the boys I told off that it was very sad to be hanging out in a children’s play park, and I think that’s true. I also asked them how they’d feel if a whole group of mums and toddlers came and sat all over their skate park! Older children should hang out elsewhere.

What business do you have making internet comments if you don't understand that in order to tell people to clear off you have to use your voice and speak to them?

And why are you defending some dodgy old man?

We get a lot of secondary/teenage kids hanging around at one of the local playgrounds but generally they’re polite, don’t use bad language and move off the equipment when small children want to use it so I don’t have an issue with it. If they were misbehaving then yes I probably would ask them to mind their language/let small children on but I wouldn’t tell them they shouldn’t be there.

It’s weird that a man with no kids was doing it though. Are there houses nearby, could he be a resident who gets bothered by noise?

I’d tell them to try and get a photo/video if they see him doing it again and then report to the police via 101. It might be a mental health issue or a pattern of aggressive/suspicious behaviour that needs looking into but it will only get picked up if everyone reports it.

Well yes, hardly displaying any pedophilic tendencies by telling these girls to get out of there. The suggestion to say that is purely to intimidate and humiliate the man who has done nothing to warrant this and is very cruel. As for him not having a child, how do the girls know that? He may have been with a grandchild but someone else took the child home (maybe due to too many older kids being there) or child might have been taken for an ice cream and just not there when he spoke to the girls. Or maybe he was there on his own and got irritated having experienced similar issues a different time with a child.

"You're too old to be in the playground."
So are you!

When I was 12yo, I was looking like I was 16yo and have had many weird look when I was in a swing. That’s 40 years ago ‘before everyone though that older men were nonces’…. Not every 12yo looks like a child. Actually many don’t.

We also have many issues with teenagers on the playground. Some of it is about damaging equipment. But usually the issue is around swearing, taking over the place and making the place generally unsuitable for younger children. As a result, you rarely see children there. Only under 5yo with a parent during term time.

My first thought is that this man told them off because if that. He saw what he thought were teenagers and told them the place was for children . Which it is.
That it’s unfortunate the girls basically ‘paid’ for the bad behaviour of other teens.

We get a lot of secondary/teenage kids hanging around at one of the local playgrounds but generally they’re polite, don’t use bad language and move off the equipment when small children want to use it so I don’t have an issue with it.

Well a lot of young kids would be too scared of trying to go on the equipment if a load of teens were hanging around and wouldn’t even get to the stage of asking to go on it. Also they don’t know if the group will be polite or not, many aren’t. Secondary school age kids should not be in playgrounds. They can sit on normal park benches.

So you do like I do if my 11, 13 and 15 year old want to go to the park we all go together and I supervise them! Just like I always have! They don't want me to come then we go for a walk, or take a rugby ball to the fields.
90% of parks are in the middle of a grassy area - that bigger kids can run around in/ or sit and socialise in without being a nuisance and breaking equipment!

If anyone started recording me I’d lose my cool immediately. I also think that it’s absolutely horrendous to automatically assume that the man was a pedophile. Parks are for everyone to enjoy, and playground are usually places along walking routes or near parking lots to accommodate families. I often end up walking past playgrounds despite not having a child with me and I hate to think that someone would be viewed with suspicion without any reason at all.

No, this doesn’t warrant reporting to the police and I would not recommend the practice of filming people who you have a disagreement with.

Some aren’t though. Some playgrounds have clear age or height restrictions and it’s on the signage. But fairly often these are ignored and it’s always younger kids who suffer. We have one hear us which has a limit of 8 years old but older kids are always in there and they tear around like loonies and it’s a small space and I’ve seen little ones barely walking who it is designed for trying to use it as the same time as much older kids who should be at the larger one down the road but clearly can’t be arse to walk to.

Don’t know if thats the case here though and if it isn’t then the kids should have ignored him and carried on playing.

My mid teen DS often hangs out at the playground with a couple of friends (girls) and no-one bothers them. There’s a skate section and some of those adult fitness contraptions there too. If he was annoying the little kids, fair enough, but they just hang out, buy ice-creams and chat.

I’d tell them to try and get a photo/video if they see him doing it again and then report to the police via 101.

You want to tell teenagers to film a man that is telling them off for being in a place made for under 12yo??
The OP never said the man was threatening. Only that he was ‘old’, whatever that means.
These teens are struggling with the fact they’ve been told off by a stranger. That doesn’t mean the stranger was threatening or has MH issues! More likely that they know they were in the wrong and didn’t like being pulled up on it.
And that’s not me assuming all teens behave badly. That’s me having very clear memories of being told off around that age, with very good reasons, and how ashamed I felt then. I’d have told my mum that were quiet and that there was hardly any children around too. Because I knew that’s the first thing my mum would have asked

OP I do feel sorry for your daughter and her friends - that must have been horrible for them. And well-behaved children of that age might still be OK using a playground, I agree.

This man shouldn't have been there on his own - it's not as if he had grandchildren with him.

But I don't agree with pps who say that the girls should have shouted 'nonce' and 'paedo' at him! What? There's far too much of that kind of attitude and behaviour without encouraging it. Far better to tell the girls he was just a grumpy and officious elderly man, rather than put that kind of nightmare scenario into their minds, or encourage them to be obnoxious in public.

And, just to be fair to him (although I agree he shouldn't have been there alone) maybe he's seen antisocial behaviour and vandalism from older children a few too many times, and was just trying to prevent it. It's sad when anti-social older children ruin playgrounds - either through vandalism or just being vile to little ones.

How do you know? Everything in the OP suggests that this was in fact a playground for smaller children and the man was absolutely right. The chances are that smaller children weren't around precisely because a group of 12 year olds was putting them off.

Just realised this was posted over a week ago and the OP never came back, so somewhat pointless thread.

Sorry I agree with the man potentially, the playground is for ages11 and under on our development and is privately owned jointly by the homeowners and as such we collectively are responsible for the upkeep and maintenance charges as well as the insurance and annual safety inspection and certificate for the insurance company. We are having issues with teenagers from an estate a mile away coming into our playground and intimidating the little ones who live around the playground and green so much that they are scared to play out when the teens arrive, it’s horrible behaviour!
The girls version of events will likely be very different from the old man’s version I’d bet my arm! They are getting to the upper end of playing in the playground age really I’d say as are very nearly teenagers as such can be as tall and heavy as an adult sometimes so some of the equipment may well be too small for them and not built for their size.

I’d tell them to try and get a photo/video if they see him doing it again and then report to the police via 101.

A total over-reaction and a needless escalation.

Why would you DO that? Surely you'd try to keep calm and rationalise it - rather than put horrible ideas into the children's minds so unnecessarily?? I remember getting told off by grumpy strangers when I was that age - it didn't mean they were paedophiles! They were just brought up in a different era where children were expected to do as they were told.

Most play ground here in south London, where I live in local parks go from age 5-14
or 5-12, I suspect it’s like that in most places, so they probably had a right to be there
if it was a toddler playground which I doubt because most 12 y olds wouldn’t be seen dead in a toddler play area then they shouldn’t have been in there however, he still has no right to tell them to go
He might have been a jobsworth or a strange man, just looking for any excuse to talk to young girls

I agree with this.

Young teens have few spaces they can call their own and I’d be horrified if a strange man approached a group of girls to tell them off when they’re not doing anything wrong other than hanging out.

Girls are forever getting hassled by men and the earlier they learn how to protect themselves from unwanted harassment, the better!!

I mean, I was literally preyed on as a 12 year old in a playground by a random nonce. No study about it though, hope that’s ok