Son did terribly in GCSE’s

[Kat29]

My 16 year old got his GCSE results yesterday and they were awful. Everything was at least 2 grades below what he was predicted. He only passed 4 although that did include maths and English. All his plans have to do A-levels are in tatters, as is his confidence, and my confidence in my parenting ability. I just don’t know where to go from here. School didn’t care, they were too busy taking photos of their high achievers so no help there.

Maybe he just choked in exam situations. Go to a college with him and look at Level 3 BTECs they have them in lots of subjects and there is a lot of coursework so you do have to work hard all the time but only a couple of exams at the end of the year. They are equivalent to A levels. He could maybe do 1 A level alongside.

Today is leaving cert results here in Ireland and we’re all talking about when we got ours. This is one of your ‘dust yourself off’ moments. Yes he can wallow but he still has so many opportunities available, back doors to get into what he wanted to do, different paths and avenues. Very few of us are doing now what we were heading for then. Hugs and hope both of you do something nice today x

This!
Hey Kat29, he's got the stepping stones he needs and like all pp's have said, it's not over at 16! I know the disappointment for him is overwhelming - we always want to see their efforts rewarded - but he still has options.
We went through this with DS1 (sounds so similar to your DS), and now he's off to uni in September 😁
If you're in the SW round Bristol I'd recommend St Brendan's, they've been flipping amazing and DS thrived in a college atmosphere. Needed to be given autonomy to study in his own way as he's very practical, learns through doing and higher levels of coursework worked brilliantly for him.
Sending hugs to you both x

My DS struggled at school because he had ADHD but he loves driving and now drives a class 1 lorry. He has his own house and earns a decent income.

Also, if he's not good at exams, some sort of vocational course would be better for him.

A lot of universities have moved away from exams to assess students, so don't feel he can't get a degree if he isn't any good at exams. A friend of mine was rubbish at exams and resat his A levels - he now has a PhD and earns way more than I do!

Given that he was top sets and 100% attendance it sounds like something might have gone awry. Was he completely well when he did his exams?

All GCSEs really tell you is that people are good at exams. It doesn't mean they are good in the workplace.

DD's results have not been great but we knew this may be the case and have been prepared. I don't come from a long line of academics so I can see how this may be disappointing for you but I personally don't see that my dd has limited her future.

I look at my family and friends and see how you can turn our life around and I find that encouraging. Being academic isn't everything, there are plenty of people who have succeeded in other ways.

DH is a Highways Engineer having left school with no exams results. He loves his job, it pays well and he was able to pay our mortgage off before he was 40.

My 32 year old nephew did poorly at school, he did a building apprenticeship and now earns £80K pa.

My best friend failed her exams, she started working at a local world-renowned gardens at the age of 14 and is now one of their head gardeners. Her job takes her all over the world.

I don't see that any of these people have limited their choices in their life, they took what they had and grew from there.

As will never see my dd as having limited her life at the age of 16, her future has just started.

The exam system is stressful and always has been.

The expectation that everyone will follow an academic route and not doing so is a failure, is damaging to a significant number of people.

What has happened is that, despite the work put in, it hasn’t resulted in the outcomes everyone expected of your son OP. Thats bound to be unsettling for him and for you. As lots of posters have said, there are still options to be explored and they may well open up new avenues not previously thought of, or considered.

You can’t write off people at age 16. There are alternatives, just ones who haven’t explored yet.

Unfortunately, what you hear and see on results day publicly, is how well students have done, how proud schools and parents are, how relieved that the stress is over. Thats only half the story. Some will have worked their socks off and been disappointed. Some won’t have worked very hard at all. Some will never achieve the ‘desired’ standard.

Look towards what options there are now and not backwards to what might have been.

I also got terrible exam results. I've been successful my whole life though. I've held managerial positions at work and I now run my own business. I know it seems like the "be all and end all", but it isn't really.

That said, if he does re-sits, and you can afford it, think about getting him a private tutor. My DD needed an A in her English A-level, to get into Uni, and she was struggling to get anywhere near that, even at GCSE level. We found a private tutor for her, and she went every week for about 6 months. She absolutely nailed it, and got the A at A-level. The tutor was able to show her how to answer the questions in the right way, to get marks.

I'm so sorry that you are both upset, he must be quite bewildered by them. I'd go with PPs in getting his papers received and also contact the FE colleges to find out jobs options. You will both feel better when you have some concrete ideas as right now it's all seeming hopeless. It isn't but it will take time.
Our school asks the pupils to email their exams office from their school email address for permission to get the papers. DD got hers very quickly.
Good luck and please don't worry.

Well, no one would disagree with that but being disappointed that he didn't get the grades he wanted, hoped for and was predicted still doesn't make her a 'snob'.

And telling him his grades are 'brilliant' when they are, objectively, not won't help because he'll know she's lying to him and that won't help his confidence. Nor is it what he needs right now.

Right now, he needs pragmatism and support and reassurance that it's not the end of the world and alternatives. Not meaningless and empty platitudes.

He's got his English and Maths, that in itself opens doors and will make steps easier.

If he wants to do A-levels, local fe college for re-sits. But is this what he wants? As actually this entire thing may really make him question that - in a good way. Maybe there is something else that interests him? A pause or even a step off the pre-determined path might be a positive thing in the long run?

Two years ago my son got 9 level 5 grades which I would have been chuffed to bits with but his school chucked him out and said unless he had grade 7s he couldn't stay and do A levels. It was the hardest time of our lives and still haunts me. He had to start a new school in a new town with nobody he knew. Two years on he's a different lad and just passed his A levels and going to uni shortly. The first year was horrific, I had to pick up at each free period as he had no friends. Now has lovely friends a gorgeous girlfriend. Things change rapidly at this age and what can seem like the end of the world can be the making of them. Lots of hugs to both of you.

I saw an interesting clip the other day about kids at school. You have the studious ones, who do well in exams, enjoy structure and like to follow the rules, and you have the ones who are not interested and seem to be staring out of the window, day dreaming. Apparently, it's quite often the case, that the day dreamers become entrepreneurs, people who hate to be tied down, and have big dreams.

Boys traditionally do worse at GSCEs than girls then catch up. He absolutely has not limited himself at a young age. He has the all important maths and English. Don't make him feel bad or make it seem like the end of the world. It really isn't. I totally failed all my a levels. I am now an Executive Director of HR in London. Talk to him about why he failed oif lack of effort then finding what he does like, with no pre conceived ideas from you is important. University is not for everyone. I went and hated it. Back then there wasn't the range of apprenticeships there is now. Nor you can do a whole load. Talk to him in a few days and get a plan together not based on blame. Good luck!

Your first job (after making son a nice breakfast and seeing how he’s feeling) is to check the results are correct. The raw scores will be on the grade transcript he received and the grade boundaries are available online - make sure you look up the right board and course code. If you’re not confident doing this, ask the school. You will probably have to do this by email. Anything that is a mark or two off the next grade, ask the school if they can look at his paper and request a review (importantly this is not a remark - very few full remarks happen). The subject leader will have done this initial scan of results yesterday anyway to identify students very close to boundaries, but you need to be proactive. For most exam boards teachers can download the students’ papers for free now and take a look to see what might have happened.

Get him to talk to the college he was hoping to go to and see what they say. Colleges are businesses and he’s got English and Maths so they may still take him on what he wants to do, or suggest a plan B to get him to where he wants to be.

Please be positive with him no matter how you feel inside.

There are very very few options that are suddenly closed to him: If he wanted to study medicine or go to Oxbridge, for example, then he will need to change his plans.
Apart from that he can still do whatever he wants; he just needs to find an alternative route. This is a tough and busy few days for you both, but whatever he chooses for this year still doesn't have to be his final choice. All the reassurances in the world won't help until he's on his new path, but he will get there.

Two amazing stories.

I wish your son well OP. He will be fine.

What about looking for an apprenticeship? If he worked hard and didn't get the results he may not be academic enough for A levels & uni.

@Kat29 You’re catastrophesing because it’s a shock One set of exams really doesn’t make any difference!

I failed most of my GCSEs, but my Alevels went well as did university and my post-grad and I’m now in very “intellectual”
job.

I suspect the fact that your family has always done well at exams makes it harder for you to imagine what it’s like to fail and everything still be ok. Imagine if we all restricted ourselves to what we found easy when we were 16! Take a pause and tell him it’s ok. He can look for a collage that will allow him to do some resits possibly alongside A-levels.

Completely agree you shouldn't focus on your own panic or your sons. It's an opportunity to show what he's made of. If you really want something in my experience it only comes with hard work and this will not be the only challenge he faces in life.

There are a plethora of options for young people now, apprenticeships, employment etc and with the devaluing of many degrees he may find this has been a blessing in disguise if he tries a different option. He'll look back in 10 years and wonder why he was worried.

He has lots of options, he's tried his best and that's what counts.

He just needs to be figure out his next step is. After uni / college noone cares about them. I went to college, on my course were people resitting GCSEs alongside the course to get to uni. They all went to university. That's if he even wants to go to uni

Lovely post. Thanks.

@Kat29 I left school at 16 with no qualifications, I'm now nearly 50 with a degree, offer to do a Masters and and an a MD of a company
This was achieved through a combination of college, uni and hard work. There is no reason to panic if your Son wants this he will find his way.

He might find that he is more suited to an apprenticeship! Worth taking a look at

I got 9 straight A's for my GCSEs (million years ago)

DH failed all of them - including Maths and English. I was quite shocked when we got together and my family were appalled!!!

Guess who's earning in well in excess of £100k a year now?

DH went to college and did technical courses. He's not thick, he's just not academically minded and cannot do well in traditional style exams.

Honestly, I believe the university sometimes 'fails' you to put you on the correct path.

I'm actually encouraging our son to go down the technical route. Your child is going to earn a lot more as a plumber, builder, bricklayer, electrician etc than he ever will in a 'proper' job.

(Might just add my academically gifted brother, also huge strings of A grades etc, is now in a very worthy career and earns less than DH. My Dad has also now come round to the idea that technical is great for our son! )