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Original poster

Would you allow 14 yr old daughter to be home alone with 15 yr old boyfriend for an hour?

71 replies

Barrenfieldoffucks · 22/08/2024 10:21

As above. DD has been seeing her first boyfriend for about a month, he seems nice. He has been coming round to hang out with her on his days off, which we are fine with with the basics rules of: downstairs, or if upstairs door open, no home alone.

His bus is likely to get to ours about 30-45 mins before I get back with my sons...would you allow this? Daughter is respectful of our boundaries but I don't know if I would be being a little pedantic to suggest a later bus.

He would be leaving at a set time anyway as they both have training for their respective sports this evening.

What do you think? Oldest child, all new to us!

OP posts:
FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 22/08/2024 10:22

No.

Petitchat · 22/08/2024 10:24

Definitely Nope.
Sorry, just my opinion and memories of being 14/15 (many moons ago)

Dutchesss · 22/08/2024 10:25

If teenagers are going to do something they will do it regardless of whether they are left home alone.

My first time was outside.

Interested in this thread?

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14 year olds 15 year olds Families
Petitchat · 22/08/2024 10:26

Dutchesss · 22/08/2024 10:25

If teenagers are going to do something they will do it regardless of whether they are left home alone.

My first time was outside.

Yes but don't make it easy for them.

thaegumathteth · 22/08/2024 10:29

Dutchesss · 22/08/2024 10:25

If teenagers are going to do something they will do it regardless of whether they are left home alone.

My first time was outside.

I always think this is such a cop out. You could say it about anything but it wouldn't be good parenting.

Ffs22 · 22/08/2024 10:29

I think this is fine. But it’s your home so your rules. Probably a good opportunity to have another chat about contraception though.

Original poster
Barrenfieldoffucks · 22/08/2024 10:31

I remember my first boyfriend at around the same age, I remember a whole lot of snogging at mixed sleepovers, but I don't remember any pressure for more. But times are very different now.

OP posts:
blackheartsgirl · 22/08/2024 10:31

Yes. And have done.

they’ll find a way whatever you do, would rather they were safe tbh. But that’s controversial I know.

I just made sure they were and are clued up about contraception

StolenChanel · 22/08/2024 10:32

I wouldn’t be. Not because I don’t trust DD or her boyfriend to be respectful of boundaries, but because it opens the door for more boundary-pushing and that’s when things can become problematic. I say this as someone who gave birth to my first child at 17 - it all started off very respectful until it wasn’t!

UrbanFan · 22/08/2024 10:34

Depends on the children. Can you trust your daughter? If not then 'no' don't make it easy for them. If you do trust her and you've had conversations on the topic then yes.

Original poster
Barrenfieldoffucks · 22/08/2024 10:34

That's the thing, do I want to give the impression that boundaries can be flexible? Or should they in fact be a little flexible/common sense?

Argh, big kid problems are way harder than little.kid ones 😂

OP posts:
Dutchesss · 22/08/2024 10:35

thaegumathteth · 22/08/2024 10:29

I always think this is such a cop out. You could say it about anything but it wouldn't be good parenting.

Show quote history

I know that my daughter will be safer in my home than some of the places I ended up as a young teen.

I would rather be open about safe sex than try to prevent it and end up pushing towards the opposite. The less trust we allow our children the less they trust telling us.

Original poster
Barrenfieldoffucks · 22/08/2024 10:36

UrbanFan · 22/08/2024 10:34

Depends on the children. Can you trust your daughter? If not then 'no' don't make it easy for them. If you do trust her and you've had conversations on the topic then yes.

I do trust her. She's not an open, happy go lucky child with us but she's a rule follower and works hard, trains hard etc. she's been open with us about him, when she's been going to meet him etc, has introduced us, always asked if it's ok for him to come round etc. Even though she is home alone at times so could easily have snuck him round if she were so inclined etc

OP posts:
MagnoliatheMagnificent · 22/08/2024 10:36

It's about trust. My dd is 14, has a 15 year old boyfriend. I have very open discussions with her about sex etc. she has been home alone several times with him but ultimately both sets of parents have said don't betray our trust.
They want to have a sleepover albeit in separate bedrooms but none of us feel comfortable with that.
You have to make your own rules based on the maturity of those involved and how you feel.
And ultimately a little 🤞

StolenChanel · 22/08/2024 10:37

Dutchesss · 22/08/2024 10:35

I know that my daughter will be safer in my home than some of the places I ended up as a young teen.

I would rather be open about safe sex than try to prevent it and end up pushing towards the opposite. The less trust we allow our children the less they trust telling us.

Show quote history

This is a very valid point actually.

Are you open in communication about sex with your DD, OP? My parents weren’t so I try to be the complete opposite with mine.

UnbeatenMum · 22/08/2024 10:42

No I didn't when DD was that age. I'm not giving an under 16 year old privacy in our home with her boyfriend, partly for her own safety because I don't want her pressured in to anything she doesn't want, as well as to set expectations. Of course I know they could have sex in a field if they wanted to but I'm not making it easy or comfortable for them.

blackheartsgirl · 22/08/2024 10:46

Dutchesss · 22/08/2024 10:35

I know that my daughter will be safer in my home than some of the places I ended up as a young teen.

I would rather be open about safe sex than try to prevent it and end up pushing towards the opposite. The less trust we allow our children the less they trust telling us.

Show quote history

This is the point I’m trying to make, good parenting isn’t always laying down the law and being super strict and inflexible.

Being open and honest and listening to your kids pov and allowing them some freedom to make their own decisions makes teens more likely to trust you in return.

my teens/young adults are open and honest with me as a result and we are all quite close now, may not see the older two as much (left home) but we talk all the time.

letting 2 teens that are in a relationship spend an hour or two alone in the house isn’t a hill that I’m willing to die on tbh, there are far worse things

Begaydocrime94 · 22/08/2024 10:49

Reading this thread is eye opening…. So would you not just have a full and open conversation about sex, contraception etc and leave them to it? My own daughter is only 8 but I’ve been thinking she’s growing up so quickly, not really thought about her having boyfriends but I guess my initial thoughts would be that we would have an open and honest conversation about it, consent etc and then it’s up to her… I just feel with stuff like this they do it regardless but otherwise they will keep it secret! Like if something does go wrong and it feels dodgy etc I’d hate to think my daughter couldn’t speak to me about it because she was embarrassed and scared to speak to her mum. Just my thoughts, but I don’t have teenage children yet! I know my partner would feel differently but I always just think all the stuff I did that I was too scared to tell my own mum about.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/08/2024 10:51

UnbeatenMum · 22/08/2024 10:42

No I didn't when DD was that age. I'm not giving an under 16 year old privacy in our home with her boyfriend, partly for her own safety because I don't want her pressured in to anything she doesn't want, as well as to set expectations. Of course I know they could have sex in a field if they wanted to but I'm not making it easy or comfortable for them.

Yes I kind of agree if there are no parents around it's easier for her to be pressured

Nowordsformethanks · 22/08/2024 10:56

Seeing each other for a month? Is a month enough to know someone and call them a boyfriend in the adult world let alone a teen one?

I'm sure some would say they're going to do it anyway so just let them do it and while I sort of agree with they're going to do it anyway, I'd rather kindly teach them making good judgements and being responsible than allow it to make life easier.

Enko · 22/08/2024 10:59

I would and I did. However I had open conversations with my children about sex and relationships. So I did so knowing sex would not occur (they are all in their 20s and from conversations I know they did not take advantage of this but watched movies.)

Applesandpears23 · 22/08/2024 10:59

Phone home in the middle of that gap and ask her to do something or check something eg put the bin out or bring it in. That will disrupt anything.

GoingWithTheWasp · 22/08/2024 11:00

Does she know what time you will be back?
I'd probably imply I would be back very shortly after the boyfriend arrived so they would be expecting you any minute.

But I would also reiterate the house rules and separately have an open and matter of fact discussion about sex, boundaries, age of consent and contraception.

Mischance · 22/08/2024 11:02

I have 3 adult DDs. I would have had no problem with this.

blackheartsgirl · 22/08/2024 11:02

I’ve just had a conversation with my dd17 regarding this thread and i asked her about the feeling pressured into sex in the house point. She said she’d rather be in the house knowing someone would be home soon if that were to happen than to do it in a field/someone else’s house/ wood etc where it’s remote and feel feel more peer pressured into doing it.

it’s a difficult one really.