Would you allow 14 yr old daughter to be home alone with 15 yr old boyfriend for an hour?

[Barrenfieldoffucks]

As above. DD has been seeing her first boyfriend for about a month, he seems nice. He has been coming round to hang out with her on his days off, which we are fine with with the basics rules of: downstairs, or if upstairs door open, no home alone.

His bus is likely to get to ours about 30-45 mins before I get back with my sons...would you allow this? Daughter is respectful of our boundaries but I don't know if I would be being a little pedantic to suggest a later bus.

He would be leaving at a set time anyway as they both have training for their respective sports this evening.

What do you think? Oldest child, all new to us!

Yes, of course.

Not every teen of that age wants to be shagging, you know. I didn't until I was much older, my teens were even later than me. I trust them to be making decisions about their bodies and give them the confidence and articulacy to be clear abotu their boundaries.

Yes. Don't drive your teenage kids and their friends away, regardless of gender, sexuality, relationship status. Make them welcome. Treat them as normal human beings.

She knows full well when we would be home, and that DH may also be home by then anyway so I don't think there is any part of this that is them trying to get time home alone. I think they're just youngsters working their way round buses and commitments etc.

We operate a very open house policy with their friends, cause I appreciate the fact that the older kids are happy to hang out here, and know this is somewhere they will be welcome. There have been various girls here on and off all week which we are happy with so I guess she just sees.him coming round as an extension of that.

I think teens are more likely to call short time.relationships boyfriends than adults would, so I don't read anything in to that. They seem to go through a semi-offical "talking" stage first (as in, "would you like to talk') before deciding they like each other enough to have a title. 😂

The risk for me would be if their expectations didn't align. Being home alone with a girlfriend may set certain expectations for a 15 yo boy that his 14 yo girlfriend might not be on the same page with.

Speaking from experience when I was a young teenager with a boyfriend of the same age who only wanted one thing (that I absolutely did not see at the time)...

Very few 15 yo boys set out to sexually assault their girlfriends, but I think a good number can put pressure on without realising it's not okay to do that...

I would - it's good to build up trust and the fact that your husband could arrive home at any time will be a deterrent.

I have a very sensible ( not even kissed a boy ) 14, nearly 15 year old and like to think I'm quite relaxed but I think this is a no from me.

If they'd been together like 6 months + I think id consider it.

In a month she may have a completely different boyfriend and completely different feelings.

No. Absolutely not.

Yes I would. But I would have a chat about trust and appropriate behaviour. What's the alternative they go to the park and hang out and possibly worse.

My 15yo boys were nowhere near ready, and many of their friends weren't either. I know plenty of young lads think they are, and I was definitely pressured by one boyfriend (got rid of that idiot).

However, I do think it's worth mentioning that lots of young teen boys know they aren't ready and aren't pressuring girfriends (or boyfriends) onto sex when 14 and 15.

To judge from posts online you'd think all teen boys were desperate for a shag as soon as their balls drop, but that's not the case for loads. As they get older it's a lot more common, but at 14 and 15 there's a sizeable cohort of boys that still think of themselves as not ready.

The slightly-too-nervous-to-kiss-her boy DD saw was more likely to drop dead in fear than try it on.

Aw fuck, I kind of NAMALT about boys, didn't I? I'm going to have to hand in my feminist credentials.

Honestly at 14 I would be discouraging the boyfriend /girlfriend stuff Mine were still heavily into sports,orchestra and guides and Bb at that stage

I wouldn't. I had my first boyfriend at fourteen. His parents used to let him bring friends (girls or boys) up to his bedroom and lock the door and they also left him home alone a lot. We all got up to all sorts because we had the privacy to do it, and things went much, much faster than they would have otherwise. It's different if it's a one off, but id still be uneasy about it personally. Yes, they're still going to do certain things but given the opportunity I think they are more likely to move faster too quickly.

I'm ok with her starting to date etc, she leads an active, well rounded life with a sport that she excels at and trains in relentlessly, does well at school, has a wide range of friends that she is loyal to etc.

But even if you do trust them, it's unfair and risky to put the temptation there, in my opinion

I would allow it.

I was allowed at a younger age. I was the younger child of my parents and they'd tried the strict methods, the many rules methods, the disruption tactics and by the time it came for me to get to 15/16yrs old they had realised that building trust with each other was key. They knew from experience that when ready for sex teens will find a way. Talking incredibly openly about sex, consent, contraception etc. is the way forward I think. My mum took me to GP for the pill at almost 16 as I was ready to have sex with my then boyfriend (we had been together about a year by then, so they knew him v well) and had spoken to mum about it beforehand and we decided together it'd be safer for me to go on the pill and also use condoms too. I'm sure my parents weren't thrilled to think of their youngest child becoming sexually active, but if they were they didn't show it and they didn't say/do anything to make me feel judged and I do look back and appreciate that 100%.

My DH's family on the other hand......all the rules, no open conversations about sex ever. Weren't allowed to sleep in same bed together at their house until we got married (despite the fact we lived together for years before that!). He is far less relaxed, more self-conscious and uncomfortable about sex, and often says he wants our children's views of sex/way we approach sex to be totally different. So I think a lot of this is how you are raised and the opinions you form as a result.

Just because YOU feel otherwise doesn't make it 'bad' parenting 🤦🏻‍♀️

What’s the difference between her being at home unsupervised for an hour and outside unsupervised for an hour?

No. Dd and her boyfriend found each other at about that age. Boyfriend is youngest of six. Boyfriends mother is a Home Ec teacher so lots of time with girls. I assume she has heard it all and supported plenty of girls through stuff. She has been very generous to dd but she wouldn’t allow them a moment in the house alone. Either they went on errands with parents or they were sent to the beach/shops/park.

I followed her lead. Now left school and boyfriend stays here on occasion but she is still not allowed to stay overnight at his.

And fuck no would I be allowing it after only a month. That boy needs to earn your respect and trust.

I'm failing to see them, why you're making such a big deal over it, honestly, read your own posts.

I was just going to suggest this, I would ask her to do something…possibly start dinner? Chop veggies etc, basically something that requires them to stay in the kitchen. I would also tell her there’s a parcel arriving so listen out for the delivery man etc . Keep them on their toes 😂😂

I was having sex at this age I was pregnant at 15. I think your main focus right now is to take her to get contraception. If you leave teenagers in a house alone their gonna have sex so it's more important to make sure she's safe has she got some condoms

Depends how much you know him and how nice he really is.

Sex wise, if they’re not doing it at home they’ll be doing it somewhere else if they are/want to do it. You being home while they are won’t stop them. So that wouldn’t be the worry factor for me.

The worry for me is how much you really know him. My boyfriend at 14/15 my mum thought was ‘really nice’ very polite quiet character. My mum left us home alone one evening and he ended up putting me against a wall by my throat because a boy I was friends with in school sent me a message saying ‘hi how are you?’ 👍🏼

My pondering was all for nowt anyway as DH got home beforehand anyway, he'd been working somewhere that doesn't allow phones so couldn't check in with him.

See it as an opportunity.

Say yes, but also arrange to conveniently finish work an hour early and arrive home 5 minutes after he gets there.... Should make em think twice....

Yes I have ,but then I trust my dc