What does one wear to a funeral these days?

[rivertine]

I'm mid-twenties.

Have a funeral coming up, I have no way of contacting the family of anybody else going, to ask what the dress code is.

Do I wear black? Trousers? A skirt?

Please help!

If in doubt, wear black or a dark colour. Especially if you aren’t that close to the bereaved family.
Someone I know went to a funeral that was billed as a “celebration of the deceased’s life” and wore something brightly coloured. Everyone else was in black or dark colours. Although deceased’s family appreciated them being there they felt so uncomfortable.

Interesting. Actually your post caught my attention as two of the recent-ish funerals I went to were in Dublin and I’d describe them as being more formal than ones I’ve been to in London for example. Nothing but a sea of black.

I tend to stick to dark plain colours.

At a neighbours funeral several years ago a relative turned up in a black chiffon shirt emblazoned with cannabis leaves. Probably best not to do that.

Another one surprised at people saying black isn't that common - (unfortunately) I've been to quite a lot of funerals in the last 5 years and almost all of them were mostly people wearing black and smart-ish/office-wear level. I have one smart black dress and cardigan I keep for funerals. I do think anything dark (navy, grey, etc) would be fine too.

I'd always wear black unless something different was specified by the family.

And not tight and short either. One funeral I went to the step daughter turned up (in all black admittedly) but in a dress I'd wear to a club with killer heels and a designer handbag. That didn't set the right tone in my view.

Assuming you are in the UK and have been invited to attend then smart dark clothing. A suit, plain dark trousers and top and a subdued coat.

In Ireland, it is common for hundreds of people to turn up to the funeral services and people who are not close family members are often coming from work and tend to be more casually dressed but still darker clothing would be the norm.

Increasingly people aren’t wearing black. Smartish, ie not trainers but definitely not black, or even particularly dark. Personally I choose to wear dark green or navy. I’ve noticed most recent funerals have been much less smart.

I've never been to a funeral in Dublin though so can't comment on what's the norm there. I've been to funerals in several other parts of the country, both rural and urban, and black is definitely on the way out at those.

It's interesting that norms can be so different in areas that are quite close to one another.

I’m surprised at the number of people saying not black.

At the funerals I’ve been to recently it’s been almost entirely black formal wear (black suits with a black tie for men and black dresses/trouser suits for women) plus black overcoats

But not everyone has a black suit, black dress or black coat. I don't wear black normally, other than trousers, and wouldn't go out and spend money on black clothes I won't wear again, when I have grey or navy that are entirely appropriate.

Reasonably smart, sober, discreet, certainly, but not necessarily black.

Dark and smart. Forgettable, nothing that stands out
I usually wear a charcoal grey boden knee length dress, black blazer type jacket, black tights, black shoes

I have a black dress from Jaegar that is my Funeral Dress. If someone requests that we wear a colour then i usually wear the dress and put a little coloured cardigan over the top of it.

I disagree that the bereaved family don't mind - that as long as you turn up. At my dad's funeral my FIL turned up in a white and blue checked shirt, trainers and a baseball cap. My dad was actually a very formal man and was himself dressed in a suit and tie in the coffin for that reason! I really did feel as though it was disrespectful and would rather he'd have stayed home.

Forgettable...that's a good word actually in this scenario

I hardly think anybody would think a non family member dressed in black was "attention seeking"...
The bereaved family won't care or notice what anyone else is wearing (unless it's wildly inappropriate) and I doubt other attendees would be looking at others judging them for wearing all black!

DH's uncle, I wore a black skirt and dark burgundy top

DF, I wore a navy shift dress

Friend, a black dress with small white pattern (pregnant)

Honestly, as long as it's neat and subdued and you're behaving appropriately you can wear what you like

I'm going to one tomorrow, I have no smart worktype clothes, I wear leggings and tshirts to work, I don't even own smart summer shoes that aren't sandals, and rain forecast tomorrow! So I'm wearing jet black jeans, a black silk tshirt and a black blazer with stripes on the lapels, plus smart white plimsolls (dress code is black and white)

I've been to several where colours were worn, some very casual (humanist at a crem) and some super smart (Catholic church)

No one will care as long as it is fairly sombre and smart/cas

Comments were made about bil's wife wearing all black to fil's funeral. It really is unusual these days where I live for even family members to wear all black. A non family member wearing all black would definitely stand out.

Agreed, it was strange that most people didn’t stick to the specified dress code.

I went to one funeral where the dress code was “festival attire” and there were a lot of floral dresses and bright shirts. The wake afterwards really didn’t look like a funeral.

At another funeral, we were asked to wear what we’d normally want to wear when spending time with the person who had died. There was a real mix of outfits amongst the mourners - some pretty casual.

If I didn’t know the dress code, I’d wear something smart or smart casual in black, navy or grey.

I only wear black most of the time...I had terrible trouble when a funeral I attended requested we were bright colours...I had no bright clothes!