Is this normal it seems barbaric

[Streppy]

Woman next to me in hospital is contracting has been all night but not far gone enough so they are sending her home for a bit. She’s been screaming crying all night every ten minutes and throwing up. They have reluctantly offered her some morphine during the night but she’s still been screaming. I’m due to give birth soon currently in for observation and I can’t believe how they can leave her in this much pain is this normal. Her partner has had to be with her all night to try help her is this going to be what I have in store she’s been like this since yesterday afternoon/evening why aren’t they giving her pain relief it seems barbaric she’s asking for relief and they’ve offered paracetamol. My birthing plan was basically pain relief and not to have much pain I’m so worried now about giving birth.

Again, she is anxious In hospital. Is this kind of post helpful right now?

That was exactly my expedience too..I was frightened the first time, tho. The second time, I screamed once when pushing. Don't listen to all the horror stories on here.

I always get annoyed when people say some people's pain thresholds are low. Of course that could be part of the reason but labour will be more or less painful depending on my factors so if someone's is on the high side, people might say it's due to low pain threshold but that person's labour might just have been more painful to start with.
I could say I have high pain threshold because I go through my periods fine. Well, yes, because I don't even feel I'm on my period. It's got nothing to do with my pain threshold.

For what it's worth, the hospital was also telling me not to come in as contractions were too far apart but ended up letting me in as I was in a lot of pain. They also gave me the epidural a little earlier than normal so they did take pain into consideration.

My birthing plan was basically pain relief and not to have much pain I’m so worried now about giving birth.

It's pretty normal too to get worried about giving birth, especially as it draws closer. It can't have helped listening to get all night either.

There are some things you can do though. Like I said you can prep your BP to advocate for you.

Are you taking Raspberry Leaf Tea? The MW at my last birth said she knew I'd been taking it and the baby would be out in now time. Pretty much a 4 hour event from first contraction to baby being in my arms.

What pain relief have you got planned? Have you looked at the various options and their pros and cons? I was keen not to have any that could stall or delay labour as I figured the easiest way of not being in pain was to get the baby out

Pain relief is very individual though and I would look up all of the methods, including things like water births and trying different positions until you find the one yore most comfortable in.

Probably not, I didn’t think it through. I was just answering the title of the post. Apologies! Every woman is different.

This is so awful, I'm so sorry this happened for you and so glad your baby was okay in the end 💐

Christ sakes, am definitely not a woman hater 😂😂 and have been through unmedicated labour myself. Calm down mumsnetters!

Perhaps the wording was bad - I just mean we're all different, will respond to or cope with pain differently and pain can't be compared. A friend of mine didn't make a sound during labour, I grunted like an animal and a woman next to me was screaming her head off most of the time.

OP just concentrate on yourself and get all the pain relief if you want it!

My wife experienced similar. She was in absolute agony from the moment the contractions started at home. I was told by the triage it was best to keep her at home for the time being.

After a few hours, my wife wanted to go into hospital.

Once there, they would only give her pethidine. This made her go out of it - she was saying bizarre things, however I still saw her writhing in pain whenever a contraction came on. She also told me that as the day went on (IIRC, they give it every 4 or 6 hours) it became less effective.

The hospital staff refused gas/air or an epidural until she was at least 4cm dilated.

Agreed. I immediately thought the same - such an awful comment.

Every birth is different so you just don't know if this will be your experience or not. But with my first it was. For my second, I did hypnobirthing and had him at home and it was just so much better!

Please try not to worry too much OP, there is something just utterly primal & barbaric about childbirth, there’s only one way (other than c section) to get these tiny humans out and it’s not nice!

I had my little girl 4 months ago and although I didn’t enjoy birth, I had amazing midwives and doctors caring for me in the hospital and was constantly offered different pain relief if I needed it. It’s important to remember that they cannot fill you with pain killers, because it can affect your labour, and they can’t just keep everyone on the ward indefinitely if they aren’t actively labouring because there just isn’t the beds and then we’d have people giving birth in the corridors while others who are taking a bit longer have been taking up a bed for 3 days rather than at home.

I’d really recommend reading “the positive birth book” I think it was called, I read it and it helped me massively just to understand the process, my husband read it so he knew what was going on and how to support me, and speak to your midwife about any worries you have. Knowledge is power with this, the more you know and understand the less frightening it all seems. Good luck! X

I'd put this to the back of your mind. I was in hospital for ages with my eldest and, in my uneducated opinion, many people in agony early on seemed to have a very quick labour in the end. You don't know what was going on with her body. One woman next to me refused to go home and had her baby 2 hours later so she was dead right.

Also it's so important to try and stay calm in labour. Again, I personally think that some people seems to panic at the start which made it feel worse. I'd focus on getting the baby in your arms at the end and try and listen to some relaxation tracks for labour.

Could people be a bit more intelligent and stop suggesting the woman simply had a low pain threshold.

We all have different anatomy which leads to a different experience of labour. Some women will have more painful labours than others.

My own contractions were agonising from 2cm dilated- there was no difference in the intensity of the pain between 2cm - 7cm, it was just super painful from the start and I felt it in the front and the back. I vomited for hours on end, to the point where I was so dehydrated my kidneys started to fail and I had to be put on fluids. I’m not a “sicky” person. No lack of breathing or naivety on my part was to blame for my experience.

We need to stop lying to women about the reality of some births. The language around birth seems to put the blame back on those who experience the worst.

I threw up if prone when contracting. Projectile - couldn't help it. The pain was horrible but it's honestly down to the person. I don't make a song and dance about things that are tough - never have. I might have quietly cried at one point but you tend to know the kind of people - men or women - who will scream.

They don't give gas and air for vomiting mothers as it can be a side effect, so could make things worse. I had pethidine and it was great; I slept for a good while and when I woke up I only had a couple of contractions to go before I was fully dilated.

Don't worry. I wasn't mentally scarred by the experience and you will be fine. Don't be scared of pethidine; the NCT think it the devil's drug but if you have it early enough you wake nice and bright and ready to give birth.

My labours were fine and quick. I think you just don’t know what you’re going to get, so be open to whatever pain relief you need at the time. Hope your baby arrives soon!

Op hang in there, make sure whoever you have with you passes on your wishes if things do get a bit hairy, I've had three many years ago and found concentrating heavily on your breathing and focusing totally (for me it was a paint mark on the wall!) really helped, I think I did hypno birthing without knowing what it was but it really helped me feel I was in control of it all.

This will pass and you'll have your lovely baby but can I just comment that when op needs support and feeling anxious, it might not be the best time to tell the scary birth stories? A thread for them yes but I don't know if here is really helping her.

I was left for over 24 hrs on a ward contracting every 5 mins on paracetamol as there wasn't a bed in delivery to break my waters. It was barbaric. My baby was back to back and had the cord around her neck. I'm so lucky she was ok. I didn't have a second but I would have asked for an elective c section if I did.

Like a PP said. I don't think these birth stories are helping a Mum to be who is already anxious.

I'm sorry that you went through this though

Just to add a bit of an alternative perspective, OP.

I screamed and yelled all the way through my second labour, but it was actually just massively helpful for me. I wasn't in the level of distress that it must have sounded. In the car I was bellowing and then I explained to my husband that it really helped me to expend the energy during the contraction into a shout and that I was fine. When we got the hospital (quite far in) a contraction started and I stared yelling and the midwives immediately started trying to tell me not to shout and to focus on breathing and my husband intervened and said no, please let her shout, she said it's helpful and they laughed and said shout away then! So noise doesn't always equal pain - it's quite a primitive experience.

I'm not going to pretend it's not painful - it really is - but it's different to every kind of pain you've ever had. It's like 'pain with a purpose' - your body is doing something. And you also get a break between each pain (well I did) so it's not like breaking your leg where it just hurts and hurts, it's a pain and then a total break and then pain.

Also - painkillers affect people differently. Even day to day, two paracetamol almost knocks me out. Gets rid of even the worst pain and I struggle to keep my eyes open and feel totally drugged and fuzzy on them. But codeine makes me sick as a dog.

Have to agree with @Justrelax I found screaming hugely helpful. I screamed sitting two births but found each birth to be a very positive experience.

I was going to say about the back to back labour. I've had 4 and the one that was back to back was a shock to me as it was so much more painful. It was impossible to find a position that wasn't agony.

When I had my first, 1971, I was a very nervous teenager in a labour ward. Terrified me when a trolley came past with a screaming woman and her husband running behind shouting, "Save my wife not the baby."

Shortly afterwards she was discharged as they said she wasn't in established labour. She was calm and not screaming as she left. She arrived in an ambulance but went home on the back of her husband's motorbike and by the time he got her home he had to turn round and bring her back. She had the baby very soon afterwards. As I lay there for 24 hrs I quite fancied a ride on the back of a motorbike.

Paracetamol, then a lukewarm, 6 inch deep bath, then finally they let me have pethidine (I'd been only sleeping in 20 minute naps for a week, due to contractions - I was on my last legs). I immediately went to sleep for the best 90 minute nap I've ever had in my life after they gave me the shot.

The only reason I was admitted was because I went in following this week of contractions for a scan, then just burst into tears in the waiting room, said I wasn't coping and refused to leave!!

Ended up with an EMCS, but managed to hold off and just have the shorter duration spinal block rather than a full epidural, and the only reason is that pethidine - I wouldn't have made it otherwise - I was so tired.

People break their legs every day. People go through appendicitis every day. Should they just breathe through it? Human childbirth is dangerous and painful. Being natural and a common experience doesn't change a single thing about that. And yeah, if people have a low pain threshold then that's awful for them - it's not a failing on their part.