What do you wish you’d known/started doing at 35?

[Cuzcospoison]

Just as the title says, really. I’m about to turn 35 and would love to know from anyone over that age what they wish they had known, or started doing, or done more of at 35?

I fell like lots of people talk about what they wish they’d known at 18 or 25, but not as they entered mid-life. I finally feel emotionally mature enough to take advice at this age 😂

Breakdancing

Keeping an eye on weight gain.

Absolutely this.

Easier not to have put it on than trying to lose it in my fifties

Pelvic floors

Yes, exercising properly - both weights and cardio.

And break dancing 😉

Exercise is 100% harder if you carry extra weight. So those bigger people in the gym are working much harder to complete the same tasks as those smaller folk. So get fit and stay fit because aging catches up with you and those little things that you do at 25 will feel mammoth at 55.

Exercise generally, pelvic floor exercises specifically and yes, sustainable eating habits. I was still very slim until about 40 with no effort to manage my diet or do anything beyond walking for exercise. It’s a lot harder to habit form out of necessity later.

Exercise

Polyvagul theory

Investing. Even £50 a month with a 10 yr strategy.

Well I'd stop letting people in their 50s overhearing me say 35 is 'midlife', for a start! Yeah, logically it is, but LA LA LA. I am reminding myself of my mum in her late seventies rejecting a clothes catalogue because everything was 'awfully middle-aged'.

But really, I think it's all the unglamorous, tedious shit you know already that you'll probably be pleased you did: as Baz L says, stick with the SPF. Try not to get very fat or very thin and don't do 'diets'; eat your veggies, ditch ultra-processed food as far as you can, but definitely do deliberately enjoy whatever gives you pleasure wholeheartedly, whenever you get a chance.

Don't stay in a romantic relationship which makes you miserable: sort it out or separate. If you are determined to martyr yourself no-one can stop you. All this stuff is easy to say and hard to do, in my experience and hindsight is a bitch.

Keep in touch with your siblings and/or cousins etc and friends from school if you can. They will be there and will remember who you really are when grandparents and parents and uncles and aunts are gone.

Find out how to enjoy extended time alone. In the long run, our brains make it seem that time passes more slowly when we keep making them learn new things, essentially giving us what seems like a longer life, so pack in as many 'new' experiences as you can each day or week or month, especially ones that challenge you a bit. Sometimes we don't choose or like the challenges, but at least they keep us learning, which keeps us young and mentally agile.

Now pass me my pipe and slippers, I'm a bloody sage for the age, quoth she.

This is actually amazing, thank you. I will take all of these on board. I very much see 35 as the beginning of mid-life, btw, I’m not claiming to be over the hill 😂

Thank you all for the emphasis on exercise, too / I was very fit a couple of years ago and getting back in the saddle after having my daughter is high on my list but this just reaffirms it!

The only thing I'd say is exercise- 100% no.1 priority. It will serve you so well as you get older, especially as you get into perimenopause. It doesn't have to be much, just walks or a short weights/cardio session, as long as you're consistent.

Keto and low oxalate diet

this because osteoporosis is real. Impact exercise will help prevent it and cardio stuff/stretching is going to help as you get older. Sounds boring but if you exercise and eat sensibly your future life will be better.

I'd say be more aware of signs of peri menopause. It wasn't on my radar and I realised much later than I could have that that's what my symptoms were and could have had help much earlier.

(Extreme crying, hot flushes, memory problems)

It just wasn't on my radar.

It was my last train starting a family.

I wish I had got back into driving, which I stopped doing in my early 20s as didn't have a car/lived in London. We moved out when I was 35 and if I had picked it up again then it would be second nature again by now, instead of which I have had loads of refresher lessons at the age of 49 and am still shit and terrified and can't go out by myself.
And also of course the weight gain.

Be sensible with money, life can get harder, so front load where possible.

Invest in assets that increase in value, not decrease (all cars are decreasing in value, most property increase).

Invest in your pension.

Stay up to date with technology and don't allow yourself to de-skill.

Have sex, enjoy your body and your life.

Be open to new and evolving friendships.

Be joyful, jump, dance, sing. Be adventurous. Don't let years go by without having playful, spontaneous fun.

At 45 I feel very young and full of adventure. We can all be very youthful in body and mind until at least 65, don't embrace a tired mid life approach, there is no need for it.

Up your pension contributions and watch things like rebelfinanceschool or meaningfulmoney to get a grasp on savings and investments and maximising them.
Do not give up a career to solely look after children. If you have a career where you earn more than NMW keep it going in some way.

Find a financial advisor. Dont think you need loadsa money to do this btw. They can help you through your working years so that you are in a good position later on to retire early or meet other goals financially. You will feel much more confident about your own future and the options open to you.

Definitely exercise, maintain a healthy weight and eat good quality food - dont eat crap! (or not very often).

Place great value on yourself - you are in charge of your body, your mind, and how you spend your time. Get out of relationships that dont "work".

If you drink be really mindful of not increasing your intake as the years go by so you avoid a problem later on.

Plan and do more of the things that make you happy, especially simple things like going for a walk every day or cooking a meal for friends.

Enjoy your life and stay interested and curious - we are not here for long! And you already sound wise having asked your question :-)

Love this thread- well done OP. And love @Benvolio ’s post.

Weights
Botox