What do you wish you’d known/started doing at 35?

[Cuzcospoison]

Just as the title says, really. I’m about to turn 35 and would love to know from anyone over that age what they wish they had known, or started doing, or done more of at 35?

I fell like lots of people talk about what they wish they’d known at 18 or 25, but not as they entered mid-life. I finally feel emotionally mature enough to take advice at this age 😂

Don't find a financial advisor- invest as much as you can every month (even if it's not much) in a low cost index fund SIPP and leave it alone. Compounding will work in your favour but fees must be less than 0.5%. An IFA is unlikely to get them this low. And if you don't know what I mean, like a PP said, find rebel finance school or similar and learn all about it.

If I'd learned this at 35 instead of 59, I wouldn't be facing such a poor retirement.

Also, SPF on your face every day, even winter, and trust yourself. Get rid of anybody who drains you. It's not selfish, it's self-preservation.

The beginning of midlife is a good description. Although that’s about reaching a chronological age and I think the important thing is to shift into a period of responsible adulthood, which can happen much earlier for some people.

To me that’s about hard headed future planning. What sort of decisions will your future self be grateful for?

Taking care of your physical self through a nutritious diet (ditch the UPFs, eat a wide range of nourishing food, take supplements, don’t starve or yo yo diet)

Exercise for strength and fitness and health, not to extreme and not to fulfil some misogynistic ideal of starvation chic

Strengthen your joints.

Wear decent, supportive footwear.

Maximise your pension contributions. Build financial protections into your future. Practice getting excited about the size of your pension, and the equity you’re building with every mortgage payment - take a moment to revel in those things.

You work hard for the money in your pocket, and then nearly everyone you encounter will try and persuade you to give it to them. Don’t be easy prey. I highly recommend the book The Art of Frugal Hedonism the author has done several podcast interviews if you’d rather listen.

Fill your life with good experiences. Be adventurous. Push yourself. Enjoy the ride.

Read long form opinions - and always seek out the views of the opposition too. You can’t truly hold a value or opinion if you don’t understand it from other perspectives too.

Write a will. Think about your legacy.

Invest in health insurance and income protection.

Thank you all for saying the financial stuff - I agree that it’s so important! I work in this field and wish more women were clued up on the motherhood penalty when it comes to pension, future wealth etc.

Focus for the past 5 years was paying off debt and buying a house. Focus for the next 5 years is pension, investing, overpaying the mortgage and building wealth.

I’ve finished having children (I have 3) now, and no intention to give up work - I out-earn DH and financial independence is v important to me as financial abuse kept my mother in a terrible marriage for 20 years or so.

Thanks so much for all the words of wisdom, I’m getting so much out of this and I hope other are too!

Get your body in the best physical shape as it's easier to maintain than to suddenly find yourself years later down the line, overweight and needing to lose it and struggling.

Look at your diet, get into sensible eating habits.

Develop your mind and knowledge by visiting different places of interest and examine your relationships with others.

Don't stay in a crap relationship hoping it will get better as all that will happen is over the years you will just get more worn down.

Pilates or yoga forever. Never stop. Keep friendships going. Always set challenges in areas you'd like to achieve something but keep putting it off. Do something creative. Interesting thread op.

I had my first child at 37. They are now 17. So in light of that I’d say get into good habits now.

• maintain the friendships that matter to you. It’s easier to keep old friends than make new ones. But you can do both. Being social does matter for mental health.
• Likewise, remember what you like doing - and keep doing it, even if just a little bit or every now and then. It’s easy to forget when you are constantly working out what your kids want/need.
• Pension savings - but also save a non- pension fund for being able to change direction if you want to in your 50s when your kids don’t need you so much.
• Exercise. I started running in my mid-40s and I’m still doing it, along w Pilates. I like to think I’m feeling the menopause less than I would have been, but you can’t know.

I wish I’d taken the career change opportunity I wasn’t confident enough to take up. I’m confident, but where was my sass that time? 35 is great age for change, I think.

This.
At 35 I though constantly keeping an eye on your weight was a boring way to live.

Actually being overweight in your 40s watching everything you eat, scheduling in exercise time religiously, learning to lift weights instead of sticking to trusty old cardio only to lose half a bloody pound is way more boring.

Find out which things improve your chances of avoiding the typical diseases of later life (heart disease, dementia, diabetes etc) and loss of mobility and put them into practise.

Also don't try to be all things to all people and leave space to do just what you think is important for you

Not caring what people thought.
It has paralysed me throughout my life and ruined so many opportunities for me.

And Botox

Proper pension payments

Politely challenge misogyny.

This

Yep. Good one.

Weight training

Keeping a closer eye on diet, exercise and weight gain. Specifically I wish I'd started Pilates which I've been meaning to start for 14 years

Haven't rtft but..

Pelvic floor exercises. I had no idea I had 3 kinds of prolapse from child birth.
If I'd don't PFEs from age 35 I wouldn't have needed surgery.

Women please do them. Every single day.

Following

Enjoy your life and have as many experiences as possible because life is short.
Oh, and no smoking and wear SPF!

@ThisOchreLemur I think you can just click the 'watch' button

I didn't know, thank you x

I don't know

You see women over 35 are not a homogeneous group. We are all different in terms of backgrounds, family or no family, jobs or no jobs, careers ,desires and plans.

What do you need to know based on your circumstances?! How should anyone know.

I can tell you what I wished I'd done but that's my life not yours.

You need to make your own way in life and not look to old women to do it for you. There's something quite ageist about posts like this...and the old was a dig at you op.

Saved for early retirement and 50 working is a huge chore and I've had enough

Thank you for the dig, and for pointing out that it was a dig! So kind and helpful.

I refute the idea that it’s ageist, and haven’t said anywhere that I think people over 35 are ‘old’ - the whole point is that I would like to stay as vital and happy as I can for as long as possible, and I know that the choices we make at every stage are important.

I would happily offer guidance to someone asking for pointers on what to do at 25 without taking it as a personal affront 🤷🏻‍♀️ But then I’m happy for others to benefit from my experiences - if you’re not, then you don’t need to share.