What do you wish you’d known/started doing at 35?

[Cuzcospoison]

Just as the title says, really. I’m about to turn 35 and would love to know from anyone over that age what they wish they had known, or started doing, or done more of at 35?

I fell like lots of people talk about what they wish they’d known at 18 or 25, but not as they entered mid-life. I finally feel emotionally mature enough to take advice at this age 😂

I'm 35 op 👋.

I've started doing little things for myself again, carving out a little time to do the things I really enjoy. Today I went to the Edinburgh fringe and watched a show. Feels quite cathartic and naughty to be doing that alone on a Friday afternoon.

I have my children young so they're nearly 14 and 10 now, and my biggest regret is lost friendships. Ive lost contact with so many people while I was in the depths of motherhood, and I miss them.

The financial and health stuff is fair enough. But I've recently seen so many people not make it that far, so remember life is also for living. It's easy to get bogged down in the mundane.

Thanks for starting this interesting thread OP, and for everyone who's responded with advice. I'm turning 35 next year. I'm already on a weight loss program but have been feeling guilty about not doing pelvic floor exercises, so this thread has reminded me I must make them a priority!

What everyone else has said - exercise (especially strength), keeping at a healthy weight, cutting down on UPF’s, and prioritising long term finances.

i’d also add - track your periods and your moods, cravings etc. Really understand how your hormones can affect how you feel about your life, your relationships etc. it really helps you keep an eye out for how you could be affected in early perimenopause. I swear I could have divorced my lovely DH before I realised how badly I was affected by hormonal mood swings. And educate yourself on the menopause and the pros/cons of HRT.

But invest time in doing the things you love or try new things. Life is short. I wish I’d travelled more and spent more time outdoors.

I'm 35 in November so watching with interest.

Btw op your thirties are a whole decade of youth 😁middle age definitely doesn't start until 40.

Floss regularly
(among other things)

Start doing:

Pay attention to your health - a good amount of exercise, and a balanced diet (yes that includes some treats). As you get older it's so much harder to get fit if you're not already there. Getting fit early and maintaining it is much better.
Similarly, get to know your body. Know what you look like, what is normal for you, so that you notice changes.

Educate yourself about menopause. Perimenopause creeps in earlier than most people realise.

Do a life MOT and start making plans/setting goals. Consider what you are earning, what your earning potential could be in future and what you need to do to get there. Get into a pension plan. Where your career is, do you want to progress up, do you want a career change. Think about what you want to spend on in future - do you want to buy a property, or upsize/downsize, do you want to travel, do you want a career break for study or fun, will you take maternity leave. Do you want to marry/date/not, do you want children.
You don't need to do all of these things now, and you may change your mind later, but it's good to focus and give some time to thinking of your future. At 35 I was 15 years into my career, I knew I wanted to change career, so I started a plan of training and development that meant 5 years later I was in a different place - planning ahead can pay off.

Stop doing:

Stop investing time in people who don't bring you any happiness. Those people you are friends with simply because you've known each other a long time but you just don't really like them.

Stop procrastinating, stop thinking of doing things or things happening "one day". At 35 you are statistically half way through your adult life - one day is now.

If applicable, stop criticising yourself. Those negative thoughts we hold in mind - I'm too fat to wear this, I'm not interesting enough to be friends with that person, I'm not experienced enough to apply for that job. Be your own cheerleader instead.

Aw come on, this is a stretch! It's not ageist to ask for the individual experience of others in a particular demographic and it doesn't imply that all those people have had the same experiences and think the same!

I won't be offended if, having brought up some kids, I give the advice to younger parents to 'read stories to your children until they are so old they beg you not to', and you don't happen to have any, or your child is already a pilot or something.

I imagine the OP is looking for a list of things that people who've lived a bit longer find unarguably good ideas, but know are hard to prioritise consistently in the hurly-burly. Humans are uniquely social in the animal world and we biologically HAVE to learn from others.

It's this lifelong learning that is so important for a fulfilling life, I think, and to pass up the opportunity to hear dispatches those who've been through the trenches of child-rearing (or whatever) years would be a shocking waste.

You can see this is true in both the variety of ideas and the similarities offered here. It's respectful, not patronising to ask to learn from one's elders.

I didn’t start my family till 38 so preparing for that I suppose. It’s not old - or even middle aged

Treat your and everyone else's microbiome with respect: don't piss about with antibiotics. They are very precious and very dangerous.

At 64 I regret not looking after my hands. They are the bit that give me away.

Also, weight bearing exercise. Osteoporosis sucks.

Exercise, good diet, brushing and flossing my teeth more

Somebody stop me - I can give it out but I can't take it!

Don't buy more mayonnaise, shampoo, toothpaste, nappies, t shirts, ornaments, notebooks, mid-pink not-too-matte lipsticks, garlic presses, flip flops than you can reasonably imagine using in the medium term. Shops will exist in the future. They exist in other countries and they are usually still there after babies are born and kids go back to school.

I can only wear one pair of tights at a time.

Get a good night's sleep. 7.5-8 hours a night will be worth more than any diet or exercise.
Once you're getting that, exercise (try to make it sociable - a club, class, parkrun...). SPF on your face daily. Realise that the number of calories you need each day will go down as you age so start to reduce portion sizes or treats gradually now. I've had a lot more fun and happy times in my 40s, my 30s felt like bloody hard work.

Good thread.

There's always something in your life that you perceive as negative/you wish you could change/isn't perfect.

Theres also glimmers of things that spark joy.

Throw emotional energy and attention at and lean in on those things.

(variation of Pareto's principle).

Practice being whilst doing.

Even if you haven't got the super career or the love of your life passionate relationship, find something that is self-care related (having 15 minutes to yourself meditating or reading) and make it a routine.

Things change super quick.

There's often "dead" years where emotionally things aren't great and there's a sense of ennui. Everyone has them.

Don't do anything drastic or which you might regret later ... this too will pass.

Avoid toxic/negative/difficult people who don't have your best interests at heart. Practice the white lie or the grey rock approach to preserve your boundaries and peace of mind.

Loneliness is a thing. Try to find third spaces, a community where you meet regularly physically, your face fits and you can have pleasant low level human to human interactions without judgement or competition.

The only person you can 100% rely on is yourself, so treat everyone else as a fellow passenger and any help is a bonus.

That made me laugh.

At 64 I think I have enough lipstick, nail polish, shoes and handbags to last until I'm 103. Could throw in pants and bras to that too

If I could go back to any age from my past... exercising and eating healthy

Thanks for starting this thread, OP.

I'm 38 so I'm reading this thread with huge interest. Thank you to everyone who's contributed, there are some great suggestions here.

For me, at 35 I took up the gym in a serious way. I tried every single class I could find local to me, found a couple that I absolutely loved, carved out time to do them regularly, and I'm in the best shape of my life. I'm hoping it'll stand me in good stead for the future.

This is a great thread thank you OP. I am 36 and started regularly doing reformer pilates last year. I have never been able to stick with regular exercise before as I never really found anything that I loved, but I can definitely say that the pilates has made a huge difference. I am more toned than I have ever been and I genuinely enjoy every class so it never feels like a chore to go.

What a load of bollocks.

Basically suggesting you should never ask anyone for their advice, experiences or reflections, just work it out for yourself.

Of course we're all unique but we share some fundamentals too. So we can and should chart our own paths, but we should do so with some input from others who've charted their own similar paths.

Same

Take up yoga (or keep it up!)

Skincare - retinol, water, and sunscreen

Spend more on fewer clothes - but don’t gravitate to a bleak beige capsule wardrobe unless that’s your thing. My version of ‘expensive clothes’ involves handmade indian block printed dresses and doc martens 😂

Aim to try learning something new every few months - a language, a craft, a sport, a dance class, a college course

Don’t let the words ‘it’s too late for me to do xyz’ even enter your head, never mind come out of your mouth. It’s only too late once you’re dead - otherwise, you’ve got time to give it a go.

Don’t stay in an unhappy relationship.

Cultivate a taste for small pleasures.

Invest and save whatever you can comfortably afford. That said, don’t be too frugal - enjoy yourself now, too

I'd suggest trying to get out of very supportive shoes, and building up your strength in all the tiny muscles of your feet and ankles that our ancestors used every day before there were shoes and desks and sofas. Have a read about the barefoot shoe theory. It has changed my life, or more specifically, my balance and confidence in moving around in the world, which I think will help protect against falls / lowered mobility as I get older.

I'd also suggest being careful about going gung-ho into pelvic floor exercises. There is such a thing as a too-tight pelvic floor, and overdoing the exercises without finding out if they are right for you can cause that, and that can also cause leaks etc (ask me how I know...)

Following. To come back to this when I turn 35.

Some fabulous advice

Agree with posters above - don’t get fat, or if you are fat do something about it now. It’s so much harder when you’re 40 something and fighting hormones too! You need to prioritise your health all the more the older you get.

Have a plan in place for dependant children should the worst happen. We’ve lost 3 friends under 50 this year, two others with unpromising cancer diagnoses. We all like to think we will make it to 110, but unfortunately thats not the case.