Help me think of a really good insult

[TheRozzers]

It's for a bitter, spiteful man who is being awful to someone I love.

Borderline funny / insulting would be ideal.

So far I have:

Toxic old turkey
Spiteful knob brain

TIA 🙏

Everyone who ever loved you was wrong.

I'd rather slice of my own arse cheeks and sit in vinegar than listen to you and your opinions.

You have delusions of adequacy

wisdom chases you but you are always faster

your teeth a such a lovely shade of yellow

Odious sex midget- stole this from a local newspaper article about a man currently on trial.

I once witnessed 2 grown men drunk and arguing. Full of cheap tattoos and male bravado......
The usual insults like Dick head and threats but for some reason the argument went mental when one just shouted at the other....

"You are just a SAUSAGE!!!!"
"A FUCKING SAUSAGE!!!"

no idea why it was such an insult but everyone was just shocked and they knew they had taken it too far.

My favourite insults are from John Cooper Clarke's poem, 'Twat'.

'Like a death at a birthday party, you ruin all the fun. Like a sucked and spat out smartie, you're no use to anyone.'

Next time he starts, just lean into him and say quietly 'You know, if I were as ugly as you I'd try to draw less attention to myself.'

You look like a recently wanked Penis.

I bet when you cum, it is just dust that is expelled.

Both of which have come from mn previously.

Puffed up twat with a cock like a cashew nut.

Arraminta · Today 11:00
Next time he starts, just lean into him and say quietly 'You know, if I were as ugly as you I'd try to draw less attention to myself.”

This but substitute ugly with pointless.

You stale ham sandwich of a human

Perfect!

Thrush
Cos he's an irritating cunt

Gobshite

Wazzock. An underused classic.

Dont degrade yourself.
I have once or twice said to awful people "I am sorry for you" or "I am sorry you are clearly having a bad time"
They dont warrant my time.

Even better. It's the universal put down because you can just insert whatever insulting adjective that suits.

nobgobbler

Or, another favourite. 'Did you know, the room always feels that bit emptier when you walk in?'

Watch an episode or two of The Thick of It - Peter Capaldi has some crackers. I always channel my inner Malcolm Tucker when I need a good insult, lol.

You are ugly both inside and out

Aside that I like the ones supplied by @Heatherjayne1972 but then they would have to have a certain level of intelligence to recognise these for the depth of insult they contain.

I agree with a PP that calling him names will not make him any less horrible to your loved one, or ever bring him around to your way of thinking, it would probably make him feel more angry or spiteful.
But if you wanted to say something to get him thinking, you could ask him what happened to him/how did his parents treat him that has made him so unkind? Hurt people hurt people so he is probably not ok (hard to care when they are being awful, I know).

You're definitely an advert for effective contraception.

Said with a head tilt and pitying expression - it must be so awful having to live in your head.

What is the point of you?

Yes Derek, we're all aware that you have some unresolved childhood trauma.

Have you considered therapy?

Oh if only I had your confidence. It really is the confidence of a mediocre man

It'd have to be a sarcastic response to something specific from me -

"What a truly lovely man you are"

"Helpful/useful/thoughtful, thanks"

"Your inner beauty/compassion shines from within you"

Or if I was feeling more direct -

"That's not a very nice thing to say Steve"

"If that's how you talk to your friends, I'd hate to hear how you speak to enemies"

All said with A Pointed Stare right into their eyeballs.