Not wearing my nice things: help me get out of this mindset!

[BrightLady]

I go mad on Vinted but never wear anything nice - I sort of hoard it "for best" and spend my days wearing the same rubbish old stuff. I don't know why I do this! Maybe it's because I'm worried about nice things getting ruined, or worried I'll miss them and not be able to replace them if they get worn. I don't know why it is but I want to stop! Help!

I do this too OP.

I do it too OP, just as my mother did before me and that’s who instilled it in my life 🤷🏼‍♀️
It’s ridiculous, I have three big wardrobes of clothes but I probably only wear 5% of them. Should I throw out the least flattering clothes?

Yes, throw out what you always wear and enjoy the rest. Wear something different every day until you worn everything and then wear as desired.

Things you love should be enjoyed, you can't take them with you.

It does sound sensible to throw out all the old rubbish stuff but I'll have to overcome that potential sense of lack that everybody has raised. You're all so right about that ingrained idea that things might not be able to replaced, to save them and make do with the worn stuff

I am so relieved I'm not the only one. The thing that holds me back is two dogs, and I don't want to wear my nice clothes for them to get hairy, muddy and otherwise grotty. But I think I'll make a change at the end of the summer, and throw out most of my 5%!

I do wear expensive perfume every day!

I'm sure the clothing issue is because we didn't have much money growing up and we kept nice things for best.

I had the most amazing pieces in my wardrobe pre-kids. Designer jeans, Max Mara coats, reiss, Louboutins etc.
I wore my 6 favourites and always put off my 'nice clothes' as good time for them was never.
Got baby 1, was same size but nothing fitted anymore, including shoes 😭.
So everything went to charity shop. Mwear whilst you can I say, your body might change or you might have life changing event and not be able to wear it again.

Shoes from expensive shops eg Gucci that arevin the wardrobe for months without being worn. Cashmere that hasnt been worn for 2+ years but a sweatshirt from ebay that gets worn forever. Why? Was thinking I will wear those shoes/cashmeres for best. So they v.rarely get worn.

It's definitely a mindset. I used to keep stuff and hardly wear it. Now, I just wear it.
I was the same with nice bath stuff, cosmetics etc. A few years ago, I suddenly decided to just use it. There's no point keeping it. If I get a fancier shower gel etc as a gift now, it's straight in the bathroom to use.

I make a point of wearing my 'best' clothes now I'm older. Also eating off my 'good' china and drinking from my beautiful stemware.

I think it’s partly the effort of keeping cashmere in good condition, polishing nice shoes, ironing lovely clothes. Worrying about snagging things or losing nice jewellery. I left my jewellery pouch in a hotel abroad once on holiday. Since then I never take jewellery on holiday so it hardly gets worn. I lost a favourite earring at
an airport. Whereas with the usual tatty baggy clothes it doesn’t matter.
Also for me I wore hand me downs as a child and we struggled for money in the early years of marriage. So
I am still in that poverty mindset.
I feel things should be worn until they literally fall apart and I never waste anything.

Why not always dress as if you were going out to lunch?

I'm another one who used to save things for best.

But ....... My life revolves around my horse and my dog, and caring for my husband who has a lot of health challenges. As such I'm usually in jeans or other casual and dirt proof stuff depending on the weather, and going out equals a trip to Aldi or Morrisons for the weekly shop. On a good day, I go to Sainsbury's instead!!

So, now I put my good stuff on to go shopping. I love to swan around Aldi in designer jeans and smart jackets (mostly bought from Vinted or charity shops). I do my hair, put on a bit of make-up and generally treat any outing as a special occasion.
OP, just wear your stuff. Feel good about yourself and make every day a special occasion day. Please don't wait for those high days that never arrive and be like the elderly relatives described above who leave wardrobes full of "best" stuff that never gets worn.

I do this. Partly because I work from home a lot and so break up the day with domestic jobs that might mean I ruin my clothes with cleaning fluids or cooking. I do tend to drop things down my tops if I'm cooking or eating! I also like to feel comfy and some of the materials and cuts of my best clothes are less comfortable. I'm going to take a few of the tips from here.

Another mad thing I do is, if I love something, I want to buy two or I can't wear it. In case it gets ruined!

Same here!

I used to do this especially with expensive horse gear. Not use it around horses. Now I won’t buy it just for waltzing round in. It’s worn with horse snot down it, ha. It was a friend who said why am I doing this and helped change my mindset.

I need a big clear out again. I love vinted and have bought new dresses at a fraction of the price for returning back to work after 14 years out. I couldn’t afford to go out and buy a brand new work wardrobe.

Just use it or lose it.

I used to do this too! In addition to what everyone's saying, do it now, literrally go and put on your nice things. And then make sure that the nice are actually comfortable. You won't be happy in supposedly nice things if they aren't comfortable. A good test is to ask oneself, am I proud to be wearing this? Does it make me feel good? Am I happy in it? Do I really love this item?

At the end of Covid, a few of us went to have a fancy dinner in a friend's new house. Her china and glass etc was exceptionally stunning and we all commented. The sets had belonged to her grandmother who had died during the pandemic, barely ever having used them. We all felt sad that she'd just kept these beautiful things wrapped up in a cabinet and never enjoyed having them. My own mother can be quite like that too. Since then, I make an effort to keep the 'good things' in rotation at least. Life is for living!

There is a very common cure for this mindset.

Bereavement.

There’s nothing like sorting through all the unused ‘best’ things of someone you love who will never now get to enjoy them to make you realise life is for living. PP have mentioned it too.

Give yourself a gift, @BrightLady. Don’t wait until life forces you to learn this lesson. Embrace it now out of joy and a sense of fun.

What’s the worst that can happen? You stain it or rip it so you can’t wear it again? You’re not wearing it now, so that isn’t any different.

At least you’d have the memories of going out looking fabulous in that outfit, photos of your glamorous self having fun, that feeling of turning heads because of those marvellous boots…

This thread reminded me of this poem

www.instagram.com/reel/C90H85HO9lQ/?igsh=a3hmMW5ubGVkN3p3

I used to be like this until I got to about 35 and kids were out of young stage. I thought "I never get dressed up, I'm always in leggings.. the "best" days never come"
And now I wear all my good stuff! Clothes, accessories, makeup etc. I've bought this stuff because it expresses my personality yet it gets kept in a wardrobe? And I just wear scruffy stuff? Nah! I try and look my best every day now, for me. And I feel more myself than ever, more confident. I've also lost a lot of people and that's a good motivator.. they're laying in the ground not being able to live so I'm going to live every fucking day. Who cares it something gets damaged. We're only here once 🖤

And yes got loads of photos and memories now of me in my good stuff, which makes me feel good.. it's self fulfilling

I used to have this mind set then after Covid when we could actually go out of the house again I made an effort to wear things that I felt good in even if it felt 'Sunday best'. Took about a month or two of having to make myself do this and now it's my norm. (Also helps I wear a uniform for work so I want to feel good in my day to day clothes)

I do this and I think it is because of the security having something new with label still on hanging there just in case........ but it's daft and I'm trying to stop it.