I feel so sad that my dd16 has no friends

[WearsblackLoveschocolateAvoidspeople]

For some reason my dd has always struggled to make decent friends.

When she was at primary school she had three friends, two were so lovely but one was removed from school as she was part of a religion which teaches their children at their own schools from the age of 6/7 and the other friend moved away at the age of 8 due to the parents divorcing and the mother going back to her birth country. DD was left with the remaining girl who bossed her about all the time and wouldn't allow her to make any new friends. It was a very small village primary school with only 5 girls in that year.

When dd went over to secondary school the friend ended up going to another school so dd was free to make new friends. She made friends with a girl and a boy and they have been her friendship group throughout secondary and tbh it has not been a great combination (three being a crowd and all that). The girl and boy knew each other before secondary, their parents are friends. Dd often finds they have days out together and holidays together etc and they have left dd out. We have taken them both on holiday with us the last few years, he favour has never been returned yet these two always seem to go out together, dd always finds out after when she thinks they are both at home or out with family.

DD is really quite low now. She left school end of June and this is probably the longest summer she will ever have to herself but she has spent it mainly in her bedroom or going out with me.

I know I will say this as I am her mother but she is honestly a lovely girl, she is initially introverted and isn't good at pushing herself forward but once she gets to know people she is just fine. She is fun loving and has a great sense of humour so to see her low is heartbreaking. She just struggles with making new friends but at 16 having friends is such a huge thing.

I have tried everything to get her out and socialising but nothing is moving. She has applied for loads of summer jobs but we hear nothing (our town is growing rapidly and the competition here is high). All the local youth clubs seem to be mainly full of the 12-14 year age group, all the volunteer opportunities are mainly older people, we have applied for the police and fire cadets but she is now on long waiting lists for those. Dd isn't into any sports or hobbies of any kind, tbh all she wants to do is have a friend or small groups of friends so she can hang out as a regular teen, go into town, have something to eat, watch a movie or go to the beach (we are near the sea) etc, just 'normal' teen stuff.

I am hoping that she will make more friends when she starts college in September although she is concerned because the female friend who keeps letting her down is on the same course but I've told her she will need to be a little more self centred and push herself to make friends on this course and not worry about her friend because she obviously doesn't worry about dd.

Has anyone else's dc been in this situation? Does it get better? I really do feel so sad for her.

She sounds lovely OP and she will find her people.

Lovely to read this update! I also wanted to add that you sound like such a good mum OP. I was similar to your daughter growing up but I would never have confided in my mum about any of this- I always felt she was disappointed in me and she pressured me to make more friends and didnt let me hang out at home with her which made me really stressed. Even now as an adult I have lots of great friends but she still wants me to be more popular. It would have made an enormous difference to my self esteem and mental health to have had an understanding, accepting mum like you I could confide in.

Thank you. I’m sorry to hear that. I understand as growing up my dad always put me down in subtle ways, it greatly affected my self esteem and I vowed never to do that to my dc.
I am lucky as dd does seem to be able discuss most things with me and I do hope that will always be the case.

Thank you *Slippersandrum *
The party went well and dd is hoping to meet up with some of them before the summer is over so fingers crossed.

My 15 year old dd just completed her Duke of Edinburgh award at school and as part of this had to undertake some volunteering and take up a new hobby ( she had non ).
She volunteered at a local Park Run ( no need to do any running!) she helped marshal, do the time keeping, barcode scanning etc. lots of different ages of people volunteer at parkrun and definitely lots of teens.
Then she randomly asked to take up ice skating so we looked at lessons ( group lessons at local rink) and she has been doing this for over 8 months now. Met another girl there her age and they chat often. Perfect hobby to take up at any age and a great mix of kids, teens and adults in the classes. I never thought she would take up a new hobby at 15 but she is loving it!

DD has been on a similar journey. It's really, really tough, and hasn't ever got much better, sorry. So many friendships made, and then let down, or bullied, even at uni. The most supportive and friendly people have been outside of academic environments. Part-time jobs, volunteering, the gym. She just seems to get on better with an older demographic.