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Original poster

Newborn will only sleep on me

74 replies

Pontube · 04/08/2024 20:24

And by on me - I mean on me. He is 10 days old. He won't sleep next to me in a safe co sleeping position, he will only sleep on me. Dummies, white noise, swaddling etc do not work. DH works nights and goes back to work in 3 days so we cannot sleep in shifts.

Is there anything I can do?!

OP posts:
MiriamMay · 04/08/2024 20:25

This is very normal I’m afraid.

Original poster
Pontube · 04/08/2024 20:28

MiriamMay · 04/08/2024 20:25

This is very normal I’m afraid.

I get that but how am I supposed to follow safe sleep guidelines and simultaneously actually get any sleep at all?

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 04/08/2024 20:31

You have to learn the art of moving him without waking him.

20 minutes into sleep he should be deep sleep, slide into cot.

It takes practice

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families
frozendaisy · 04/08/2024 20:33

Or swing down with him fully next to you over cot, put him on mattress whilst still fully attached, stand still for a minute, very carefully peel away

INeedARest22 · 04/08/2024 20:35

I really sympathise with you OP. Sometimes you can't do anything and sometimes you can add in white noise and slowly shuffle baby. I really hope it gets easier for you. My first slept on me for 4 months and the second never.

If you are breastfeeding and not drinking alcohol ect ... Then the risk of sids is very very very very low.

frozendaisy · 04/08/2024 20:35

Or get a horseshoe cushion he might go down on that on you, then scoop the whole lot up put in cot with warm pillow and again wait a minute or two and slowly move pillow

MultiplaLight · 04/08/2024 20:36

Normal, if very difficult to manage.

During the day, wrap sling so you can still function. Master the slide off at night, cosleep and have them in the crook of your arm.

Have you tried pushchair and rocking motion?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/08/2024 20:38

That's how I've slept with my 2 dc. Yes, I know not recommended. I know.

OP, just put your baby into a safe space once asleep. You might have to soothe/nurse/transfer several times a night. It will eventually turn into longer stretches, though. I do that a lot now with my 7 month old.

Ohdearyme72 · 04/08/2024 20:42

Firstly - congratulations! Your baby is only 10 days old - you will find a way that works for you all. Your health visitor can help you. Don't feel pressured into anything you don't feel comfortable with

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 04/08/2024 20:44

Absolutely completely normal.

absolutely breaking in terms of not getting any sleep.

remember your now permanent mantra: this too shall pass.

and congratulations!

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 04/08/2024 20:54

@frozendaisy's advice is very good- it's what I had to do when mine was little. Be prepared that you may have to repeat a few times, as sometimes the little sods will wake up no matter how careful you are!

Original poster
Pontube · 04/08/2024 20:54

I'm posting because I've tried literally - everything mentioned on this thread - and none of it works. The only way he will sleep is to be on me so at this point my only options are a) he sleeps on me or b) I get no sleep whatsoever which surely is unsustainable and more dangerous?!

OP posts:
IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 04/08/2024 20:58

Pontube · 04/08/2024 20:54

I'm posting because I've tried literally - everything mentioned on this thread - and none of it works. The only way he will sleep is to be on me so at this point my only options are a) he sleeps on me or b) I get no sleep whatsoever which surely is unsustainable and more dangerous?!

If you have tried all of this then, yes, he will have to sleep on you. Read this to make sure you are doing it as safely as possible: https://llli.org/news/the-safe-sleep-seven/

But do keep trying to put him in his cot once he's been asleep for 20 minutes- eventually it will work. Try putting a warm microwavable pillow in the cot, then move it just before you put him down- it may trick him into thinking he's still on you.

Safe Co Sleeping: The Safe Sleep Seven

Learn the seven steps to safe co-sleeping with your baby, including a catchy bedsharing song to help you remember and an infographic to save for later.

https://llli.org/news/the-safe-sleep-seven

thursdaymurderclub · 04/08/2024 20:59

Congratulations on you rnew baby and well done momma... you have to remember that for 9 months your little nugget was inside you, close and cosy with little space. Now they are on the outside! and its massive! maybe you are trying to put little one down in way too big a space for them right now? We used 'snuggle pods' which made the cot or crib or whatever you eventually want baby to sleep in that bit smaller and more snuggly than that massive wide bright crib!

10 days is all very new and well done if you are getting any sleep at all

Muchtoomuchtodo · 04/08/2024 21:01

Have you tried swaddling? It really helped ds1 to sleep not on me or DH.

Original poster
Pontube · 04/08/2024 21:03

Muchtoomuchtodo · 04/08/2024 21:01

Have you tried swaddling? It really helped ds1 to sleep not on me or DH.

One of the first things we tried.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pontube · 04/08/2024 21:05

thursdaymurderclub · 04/08/2024 20:59

Congratulations on you rnew baby and well done momma... you have to remember that for 9 months your little nugget was inside you, close and cosy with little space. Now they are on the outside! and its massive! maybe you are trying to put little one down in way too big a space for them right now? We used 'snuggle pods' which made the cot or crib or whatever you eventually want baby to sleep in that bit smaller and more snuggly than that massive wide bright crib!

10 days is all very new and well done if you are getting any sleep at all

Those snuggle pod things are now, as I understand it, not deemed safe for overnight sleep. We used a sleepyhead with DS1 and it was brilliant but now apparently they're not safe.

OP posts:
debbs77 · 04/08/2024 21:05

I used to use 2 v-pillows......one behind my head like this..... ^ and one one my tummy and under my arms facing down. It supported my arms and I could sleep with her on my chest and not risk her rolling off

Ponche · 04/08/2024 21:09

Sounds really tough, DD1 was like this for the first 12 weeks and then she suddenly accepted co-sleeping on the bed next to me. I tried lots of things and nothing worked, stayed with my family for a while and we all took it in turns holding her in shifts during the evening and then I would sleep for a few hours until 12/1am and would then sit on the sofa watching TV and holding her pretty much all night. It was really difficult and I thought I'd never sleep again.

Original poster
Pontube · 04/08/2024 21:10

debbs77 · 04/08/2024 21:05

I used to use 2 v-pillows......one behind my head like this..... ^ and one one my tummy and under my arms facing down. It supported my arms and I could sleep with her on my chest and not risk her rolling off

This is essentially what I've been doing because I cannot sleep any other way.

OP posts:
KanIstartagain · 04/08/2024 21:10

It is so so hard. Do you have any friends who can pop over occasionally and hold the baby for an hour while you grab some sleep? Even with your husband back at work you need to make sure he takes the baby for a couple of hours when he is home so you can sleep.
And if you do need to have the baby sleep on you as a last resort, do it as safely as you can, on a bed rather than a sofa and without loose blankets, etc.

Original poster
Pontube · 04/08/2024 21:11

KanIstartagain · 04/08/2024 21:10

It is so so hard. Do you have any friends who can pop over occasionally and hold the baby for an hour while you grab some sleep? Even with your husband back at work you need to make sure he takes the baby for a couple of hours when he is home so you can sleep.
And if you do need to have the baby sleep on you as a last resort, do it as safely as you can, on a bed rather than a sofa and without loose blankets, etc.

Nope. I haven't got anyone nearby.

OP posts:
debbs77 · 04/08/2024 21:11

Pontube · 04/08/2024 21:10

This is essentially what I've been doing because I cannot sleep any other way.

Show quote history

I also recommend taking time to move baby from you to bedside crib or whatever in a slow transition. Even if it takes 20 minutes. Keeping your hand on them and patting g them gently etc

Original poster
Pontube · 04/08/2024 21:12

debbs77 · 04/08/2024 21:11

I also recommend taking time to move baby from you to bedside crib or whatever in a slow transition. Even if it takes 20 minutes. Keeping your hand on them and patting g them gently etc

Show quote history

Been doing this since day 1 really.

OP posts:
DeclutteringNewbie · 04/08/2024 21:13

INeedARest22 · 04/08/2024 20:35

I really sympathise with you OP. Sometimes you can't do anything and sometimes you can add in white noise and slowly shuffle baby. I really hope it gets easier for you. My first slept on me for 4 months and the second never.

If you are breastfeeding and not drinking alcohol ect ... Then the risk of sids is very very very very low.

Same. Mine slept on me for 4 months.