Newborn will only sleep on me

[Pontube]

And by on me - I mean on me. He is 10 days old. He won't sleep next to me in a safe co sleeping position, he will only sleep on me. Dummies, white noise, swaddling etc do not work. DH works nights and goes back to work in 3 days so we cannot sleep in shifts.

Is there anything I can do?!

As PP has said about scent. Put babies pjs and bedding on your body half hour before bed so your scent is on it

Personally I'd stop the sleeping on you because it's unsafe and will become habit. However hard it is put baby in their bed and then they wake comfort and return to bed and repeat as many time it's takes. May take one night may take one month may take 3 months but to be honest it's the only way to get baby to sleep on their own.

My first I did this with for 3 months straight I didn't cave and since then he sleeps like a dream even when we go on holiday or any change to routine

If you are breastfeeding then try a bottle of formula for bed. Some of the breast is best posters will be along to say your terrible for using formula but may get you a 3/4 hour stretch

Of white noise isn't working turn it off or try pink noise etc. try hover sounds .

Controversially my last child was so used to noise of their sibling that having the tv on and booom they fell asleep.

Every baby is different. Some are easier than others. But it does get easier.

Can I suggest tightly swaddling baby and having baby on your chest face up?
You propped up with a couple of pillows.
Pillow under each arm tight to your body.
Both hands on baby.
That's one way I do it.

You are just ten days in, exhausted, overwhelmed, worried, hormones all over the place... it's really f-ing difficult! 🩷

I slept like this too for the first 6 months with both of my younger two.

Not recommended but it worked for us.

I found I didn't fall into a very deep sleep while they were on me but it was enough to stop me losing my mind.

Just to reassure you it didn't cause any long term sleep issues either... Both babies slept through the night in their own rooms from 6 months.

As a contrast my eldest who I was up and down with every 40 minutes at some points because I was too terrified to co-sleep with her - didn't sleep through the night til she was 4!

Just wanted to post to say that this is really really hard - my DD only slept upright on my chest for 4 months before I was able to get her to sleep on her back but lying next to me.

It was brutal and I thought it would never end, every time I reached out for help I wanted to scream with the ' have you tried...' comments. I know they're well intended but it made me feel even more stressed. I was making myself feel sick with worry about safe sleep. If you have Instagram follow the happycosleeper, she has lots on info on chest sleeping and how you can make this as safe as possible.

My health visitor even admitted she hadn't had experience of a baby that simply wouldn't be put down anywhere, so she couldn't help either but did visit us regularly. We took it in turns for sleep - me the first bit of the night, then my husband from 1-2 am. I would sleep in small chunks very lightly and baby didn't move from my chest, over time she would lie down next to me for small amounts of time until we managed the whole night (with lots of wake ups but at least I felt like it was an improvement).

It doesn't feel like it's survivable but you absolutely will get through this part. Although you might feel very touched out in the meantime xx

I haven't seen anyone mention this but is there any signs of reflux?

The truth is OP you won't get great sleep at night for a very long time. Try to rest in the day if you can. Lay down and watch TV with baby asleep. Even if you can't physically catch up on sleep, resting does help. Forget all the jobs that need doing and eat what you can.

You will get used to the sleep deprivation... We all do somehow. My 15mo is on a phase where he stays awake for 3hrs at night. My 2yo is waking from nightmares.

It's all normal and it's all a phase. You will get there but don't be hard on yourself. You can't be perfect and neither can the baby be.

Oh @Pontube it's such a difficult time. Does the baby need to be upright? Ds2 had the most awful silent reflux. I spent 3 weeks propped up in the corner of the sofa, with him upright on my chest. I was so so tired. I slept a bit in the day because I had my wonderful mum to support me but at night, not a wink..I genuinely thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown when the Dr suggested Gaviscon (dc1 was awful on it)

The other meds prescribed (ranitidine I think) were like a miracle.

Baby 1 - she did this, in the end my husband and I got a routine. I’d feed and swaddle her to sleep. In the meantime my husband would put a hot water bottle in the Moses basket so the transition to a cold sheet wasn’t as noticeable. Obviously
remove hot water bottle before laying baby down. I was gobsmacked when it worked! … then laid awake all night listening for her breathing… but that’s another story!

Baby 2 - would only sleep next to me. I read all the safety stuff and we co - slept. I told HVs, midwives, GPs etc. I just got told follow the lullaby trust safe sleeping. Which I did. Sleep is so precious, you’ve got to do what (safely) you’ve got to do x

Great sleep I don't care about. This is no sleep. Literally zero sleep unless he is on me.

You've just had a baby and he is only 10 days old. He was inside of you for the past 9 months, of course he wants to be close to you. It's okay for him to sleep on you.

I know you will be touched out but you have to do what you can to survive. Lots of baby's only sleep on their mums and eventually he won't want to as it stops being comfortable.

Massive sympathy
I had this with my second and took her to a cranial osteopath who worked on her (they said her spine was protruding and her pelvis was twisted after a v swift birth)
that night she slept 5 hours straight. Might be worth a try

Both my babies were like this, I remember being so stressed and upset with my first when every midwife and HV would talk about safe sleep but had no advice on what to do when your baby hates being on their back in a crib! I tried all the things: white noise, swaddling, put down in a deep sleep, warm crib etc and it made no difference. With my second I was more relaxed about it and tried putting her down a bit but no more than once a night and just accepted we'd be co-sleeping for a while. I made it as safe as possible, so propped up in the middle of the bed with DH in another room, duvet up to my waist, no pillows around me and they slept on my chest because it was literally the only way we were going to be able to sleep. DH would have them for the first part of the night so i could get some decent sleep on my own. I did find breastfeeding on my side helped to get them to sleep next to me rather than on me, but that's hard when they're tiny. The good news is that from around 10 / 11 weeks they just seemed to be more comfortable being put down in the next to me and would do longer stretches in there until they happily slept there all night (waking for feeds obvs!) It's a phase, a tough one, but it will get easier xx

My baby is now 8 weeks and the first 2/3 weeks he would only sleep on me. It was torture in terms of the no sleep. My partner tried doing shifts but was pretty useless as he physically cannot stake awake past midnight and kept accidently falling asleep. I was so scared of him falling on me whilst we both slept but I could not get him the sleep in the next to me crib no matter what I tried. In the end, although it was not recommended, I just had to make it it as safe as possible with him sleeping on me. Used lots of pillows to prop me/him so unlikely to fall. I did keep trying to move him into the next to me and finally from 3 weeks he started to sleep in there, not a lot at the beginning but from 5 weeks more. Now he is sleeping no problem in there for majority of the night most nights.
i hope it works out for you, but feel your pain as I was same not long ago!

DS was like this for a while. I had him in his sleeping bag, a blanket over my legs, long sleeve pyjama top and three pillows behind me, made sure the rest of the bed was clear of blankets and pillows. I slept with him lying on his stomach on my chest. If you are breastfeeding your body makes hormones that keep you less deeply asleep so you should feel him move and wake.

It's not ideal but sometimes needs must. I don't recall him doing it for long. It's not something they can be trained out of at that age I don't think. He'd been in the NICU for a week so was used to not being held..if I were you I'd get some sleep with him on you and then when you're feeling a bit more human make efforts to put him down but don't kill yourself trying if him sleeping on you is what works best.

Interestingly my DS is now 2.5 and likes his own space when he sleeps (he'll come into my bed but never lie on me). DD never slept on me overnight as a newborn but now if she comes into the bed she'll drape herself all over DH or me.

Good luck, this stage is so physically exhausting but it does end x

With DT’s they cannot both sleep on you - we moved them to their cot as soon as the fell asleep. Naps were also in their cot. Some nights there was lots of getting up and resetting but they slept through regularly from eight weeks and we sleep trained at five months to get back into a better routine. One of the reasons we bottle fed was I’m useless without sleep so huge good luck in getting some rest.

At this very tiny stage I used to let my DC sleep on my chest....me propped up with pillows, clear bed with maybe just a sheet over my feet. I would have woken up if they'd tumbled off me - not that they ever did.

Enjoy it. It will not last long and it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Your baby was in your tummy for 9 months and he needs the feeling of security. Before you blink he’ll be a teenager and you’ll be longing for those precious moments. My son was the same, he’s 8 now and he was the same in the first few months. Oh to get those times back. Enjoy every second of it (safely, of course).

No absolute answer. dD1 was like this. I became physically and mentally ill from lack of sleep.

With DS and DD2 immediately after birth I kicked DH out of bed and out of the room (not sure where he slept, don't care). I went to bed at 9 and fed baby in sleeping bag, Pushed all covers off bed and removed everything except my pillow, then when starting to doze, slowly rolled baby up side but literally next to me with my arm round them and I slept on side.

We wd doze through like that waking and feeding where necessary until baby waking between 5-6 when I wd give them to DH and get an hr or two solid kip myself.

They all slept through in their own room sometimes btw 6m and 12m. At which point I let DH co-sleep because apparently it's good for the bond between us and at 39 the HV said the risk of cot death was v low.

My baby was like this at 10 days old. it was better by 6 weeks i could slide him into the next to me or safe co sleeping for most of the night. Whilst on you isn't ideal for you to sleep. You can still do the same things in bed to make safe - move all the pillows and duvets

There;s no magic fix but the patterns you set up now will help. I had a ewan the dream sheep. I played it all the time and i started to be able to move him after two rounds of the irritating music and then transfering him and then patting him bum for 400 quickly than 400 medium and 400 slow and then gradually fade out.. i binge watched tv series during that period to stay awake when he would only sleep on me. I ate a lot of chocolate and nuts and cake. Having baths with baby really helped wind down and increased the length of their sleeps. Also as a toddler my child found ewan the dream sleep hypnotic but had no idea why.

Having no sleep and unable to function is not enjoyable or beautiful.

Bless you. Big un MN hugs. I wore a zip up top and my new born laid on me. Then he went to the side and held my face/nose. And then he co slept. And then went into a cot at 14 weeks.

That's 17 years ago. Bless you. Totally normal. Just gotta go with it. Elizabeth Pantley and her baby books were a godsend.

Thank you so much.

Just wondering if it has gotten any easier for you? X