Should I make DS get his hair cut?

[WarmKittyColdKitty]

DS goes into secondary school after summer (S1 as we are in Scotland).

He has long straight hair. It hits just past his shoulders. His choice. I'm not keen - it gets greasy easily and doesn't hold a shape well. It looks like a messy girls bob to me. But he likes it long - he thinks it's cool.

Never been teased (badly) as far as I'm aware. He has often had people assume he's a girl. That doesn't bother him - he just rolls his eyes at their silly assumption.

But he goes into secondary after summer and I wonder if I should encourage him to get it cut. He can grow it again - I just feel there's less chance of bullying / teasing etc without unusual hair at the beginning. No-one from his primary is going to the same school - so no continuity of friendships.

What would you do?

His hair, his choice.

I say this politely but leave him alone. It's his hair, he clearly loves it. I really can't see him bullied over this. There are loads of boys with long hair at my daughter's secondary school.

Are there no regulations at school? At my school (many moons ago) boys had to have short hair and girls had to have it tied back.

They try not to be sexist these days.

I'd leave him to it, it's better that he is happy and confident with his appearance when starting a new school. Maybe just encourage him to wash it more often if its getting greasy or give him dry shampoo?

It's fairly likely that he will want to change it at some point anyway as not many kids like the same style they had as a child when they get into their mid teens. If he does get negative comments and decides he wants to do something about it, getting a haircut is a quick fix.

I'd encourage him to wash it enough, other than that it's his hair , does he have his own shampoo and conditioner? I got outraged responses on here before when I said DH, DS and I all have our own shampoo and conditioner (we have different hair types and needs) , like I was bathing in unicorn tears

Just encourage him to wash it more. You can't force your son to cut his hair just because you don't like it

You're his mother not his dictator

My 13 year old still has long hair , he's had it long since about year 5. Leave him to it, it's his hair

As long as it’s clean, leave it, there are plenty if boys with long hair. He’ll probably have to tie it back for some lessons anyway.

The same regulations will apply to both sexes thank goodness.

If he wants his hair to stay long, it's up to him, lots of boys wear their hair long. Perms are the in thing for boys round by me. BUT he could probably do with a shampoo for greasy hair if it's still quickly greasy with regular washing. Check school rules though as he may need to have it tied back at school if it's below shoulders

Adolescent kids get manky more quickly with hormones etc so I’d say the one rule is he washes it as much as needed. And that could be daily at that age! Tea tree oil in shampoo is good for greasy hair.

I know a young lad , similar age to your son, who had long hair.
He happily got it cut very short, clippered number 2 at the back and sides style.
However…..
He looked completely different and he struggled with his new image & identity and lost confidence. This affected him settling into high school as everyone was commenting on his short hair and how different he looked.
I personally would put my energy into encouraging him to shampoo his hair more frequently if he is going through the greasy prepubescent stage.

Interesting!

He does wash it frequently- 2 to 3 times a week and often again after swimming. It's just lank hair - like mine was at his age - hormones and regularly touching it not helping.

No obvious hair regulations in the school handbook.

If you had a daughter, would you make her cut her hair short if she wanted it to be long?

Your child is growing up. There's little that's more directly personal than your appearance. Children in the UK are already so constrained in respect of that for so many hours of their day, because they're forced to wear (a usually unpleasant) uniform. Why do you want to not let your child choose even something so elemental as his own hair?

What message are you sending to your child with this idea? That he should make choices not on what he actually wants but on what he imagines other people want? What other people want him to look like and be like? This peer pressure isn't even really existing, but you want him to change based on your own imaginings of potential pressure from his peers. Is that really what you want to bring your child up to be guided by?

It's his hair and the choice should be entirely his with no persuasion either way from anyone else.

His hair, his choice.

Don't we all have photos from our teenage years and think to ourselves- what was I thinking?
You might not like it but he does.

No. My youngest has had long hair for years. He had it cut off for charity after growing it for 3 years. He's 10 now and he had it in a top knot for school.

If he wants it cut he can. My dad has hair down his back and has done my whole life

I suspect, being the owner of fine (and as a teen lank) hair that he needs to wash it daily. I’ve only been able to get away with every other day since I hit my 40s. Otherwise it looked like an oil slick by day 2 (different shade of brown at the top greasy…did try leaving it for a few weeks once…not a success!).

@Precipice I would indeed have the same worry if my DD had an all over No 2 cut and was joining a new school. I think I'm a "conform, don't stand out" kind of person generally.

Fortunately Scotland don’t have any of that nonsense. At least where we are. You can go in with shaved on side and purple the other. Fewer rules here as they aren’t academies. You go to your local catchment area secondary and they are unable to enforce uniform

If it’s visibly greasy then I guess he needs to wash it daily.

Of course you can't make him get his hair cut. his choice, it has nothing to do with you.

This.

Our nine year old has never had his haircut, puberty is on the way so it is getting greasier, dry shampoo is working well on lazy days, it gives fine hair more body too.

Surely no matter the length it would become greasy at the same rate, surely your pores on your scalp don’t alter production of sebum depending on hair length?