Should I make DS get his hair cut?

[WarmKittyColdKitty]

DS goes into secondary school after summer (S1 as we are in Scotland).

He has long straight hair. It hits just past his shoulders. His choice. I'm not keen - it gets greasy easily and doesn't hold a shape well. It looks like a messy girls bob to me. But he likes it long - he thinks it's cool.

Never been teased (badly) as far as I'm aware. He has often had people assume he's a girl. That doesn't bother him - he just rolls his eyes at their silly assumption.

But he goes into secondary after summer and I wonder if I should encourage him to get it cut. He can grow it again - I just feel there's less chance of bullying / teasing etc without unusual hair at the beginning. No-one from his primary is going to the same school - so no continuity of friendships.

What would you do?

I'm being persuaded. But I don't agree with "his hair, his choice". I wouldn't agree to an undercut or dye or shapes shaved into it, for example. He's still a child - he's 12. I still have an input.

@Simonjt I think it's the regular touching / putting it behind his ears that makes it greasy. A short cut wouldn't have that so much. My other DS and DD don't have the same issue but have similar hair types.

There’s a big difference though between him shaving a triangle into his hair and just simply wanting to leave it to grow, yes? You may have an input but you don’t have any decision making power really, his hair, his choice, is absolutely right.

I have a similar situation and decided in the end to take DS to my hairdresser. I let him keep it long but she gave it some shape and it looked a whole lot better.

Thank you for putting this so well.

I agree with you. OP. You are the parent, you are allowed to (indeed, should) have an input.
Remind him that you only get one chance to make a first impression.
Try to find some compromise between what he wants and what you want. He can grow it some more once he's been there a while and understands the lie of the land.

At that age and with puberty coming in he needs to wash it daily. He will need to shower daily as well, best with proper soap, they start to stink by the time they are back home. Get a decent shampoo for him. We are also a house of shower gel and shampoo for each person.

He won't stand out, there are plenty of boys nowadays with longer hair, better long than these mops on top which grow so long, they can hardly see.

I’m guessing that “input” wouldn’t extend to forcing your daughter to cut her hair.

He should do as he pleases. In some ways teens these days are less conformist and a boy with long hair is fine. I would however second the requirement to wash v often as lanky and greasy hair will be commented on.

Legend has it that the headmaster said to a long-haired pupil at my school (before my time) “why did God invent scissors?”.

The days of “am I hurting you? I should be, I’m standing on your hair, get it cut!” are long gone.

Dye or shapes would not be allowed at many schools and would also cost money so you could easily say no. Dye has chemicals you might want to avoid on a child. I don't see an issue with any haircut the school allows, though.

I would leave him to the style he wants, but if he doesn't keep it washed, it gets cut.

@NiceCutRoundDomeDormice If DD's hair got so long it was unkempt with split ends, I would indeed be saying she needed a haircut. I'm not talking about "forcing" anyone to do something. They're children, so if I say it's time for a haircut, they'll go along with it - they're not dramatic, nor am I.

But surely you’d take her for a trim rather than have it cut short?

My long-haired sons have no issues, and their schools haven't been prone to long-hair culture for boys.
I've just cut 5" off one's hair as he was moaning that it was too hot and getting tangly, but it's still shoulder length

The worst bother either had was when one got told off by standing in the boys line. Ironically the teacher had only just finished teaching his brother so long-haired Bogof Boy shouldn't have been that shocking. The phrase "I'm a boy" swiftly sorted that one out.

Take to him to have it cut but have it trimmed and cut into a style thats meant be worn long rather than a gorwn out short sides and back. That will get rid of the Bob look.

Long hair is back in for boys/men circa 00s styling.

Yeah, my teens all need to wash their hair daily. 2-3 times a week wouldn’t be enough for mine either.

Definitely don’t make him cut it though, that’s awful. Loads of boys have long hair, he won’t even stand out (but if he did, telling our children that they have to change themselves and hide their preferences to fit in is problematic for me).

My adult son's hair is halfway down his back, he did recently have a few inches off. A trim is all you need for split ends, not it cut short.

My eldest son started secondary with a unisex style, quite unusual at the time, and I never said a word because it's his hair. If I'd told him to get it cut in case he was bullied, aren't I just saying that the bullies are right?

Fyi. He now has the bog standard haircut that they all have, but it was his choice.

If it has split ends and needs a trim, get him a trim. It doesn’t need to be short. He may well need to tie it back for sport and science so he needs to have a hairband or something that he’s happy using.

Is long hair considered "unusual" these days? Half my teen DD's male friends have long hair or fecking mullets and 'taches of all things, I think it's quite trendy now. Let him be. If he decides he would rather cut it he can. If he decides he'd rather stand out than conform, good for him, I hope he dyes it bright orange!

If it’s long enough they might have regs that it’s tied back. You need to check he’d be ok with that. He might choose to have it cut instead. Long hair is fashionable amongst the older teens at the moment. My DC v.v. curly hair managed to grow his to bob length but went a little bit shorter for surfing hols. There might be teasing, but long hair generally looks better than fades and very short hair.

I have the same dilemma. I think it would be easier for him to ‘conform’ to start with as people often assume he’s a girl (on taster days he’s been directed to the girls toilets for example) and then regrow if he chooses once he’s established at school. I have suggested this to him and he mulled it over then said yes but is now backtracking. He says he doesn’t care what people think and likes being different which is awesome and I’ll support him, but I can’t help worrying kids can be mean and he’ll stand out as different. He is going with a friend who is also a long haired boy and think part of their identity is to be a bit quirky; so just hoping they find other similar friends to buddy up with once there. He had a trial day without his friend and said nobody talked to him :-(
edited to add, my son’s hair is really long, not bob

Saying “You have split ends; you need a trim” isn’t the same as saying “I want you to have your hair cut in order to conform because of bullying that might never happen”.

My ds has a friend with really long hair. Nobody cares, but the only issue I have is that it smells a bit as they're teens.
If it were me, I'd be making a deal with him to shower daily since he'll be hormonal soon.