Need tips for surviving houseguest (MIL)

[coffeeandsleep]

MIL has flown to UK from a long way away and will be staying with us for 2 months on and off. We don’t have a spare room so she sleeps in the living room.

She is an overly positive and extroverted person and needs interaction, so will often strike up conversation with strangers when out and about (which some Londoners find strange!). I am very introverted and struggle with her full on chat, long winded anecdotes about people I don’t know and observations. There is constant background chatter and I feel obliged to engage.

The minute I wake up (well, my baby wakes up at 6am) I go to the living room to make breakfast and she starts a full on conversation with me… I am being spoken AT endlessly and I am trying to converse but I am groggy and need time. This then continues until I go bed. If I want to go for a walk with DH or have some alone time walking baby in pram, she’ll invite herself along.

I need some tips for how to cope. I am on day 2.5 and feeling completely drained. She doesn’t really help with baby either but to be fair I haven’t asked outright.

At the moment I am taking breaks away from it in the toilet or saying I need to nap in bedroom while baby naps etc.

Any other advice?

Ive no advice that would involve anything legal.

Start by getting some snacks to keep in your room so you don’t have to make breakfast at 6, and maybe a Nespresso machine.

Go out for walks with the baby/ meet a friend.

Suggest your partner and MIL take baby out together so you can have a nap / break?

💐I couldn’t stand my MIL for one week, let alone 2 months!!

God. Nothing useful - just solidarity. My MIL stayed for three nights recently and I barely made it through those. 2 months?!

Is there no way you can get her out of the lounge? What about bringing baby in with you?

What is your partner doing, please don’t say he’s working while you cope with this! He needs to start taking her out for a few days or at least a couple of evenings.

My suggestion would be just to take yourself upstairs, as others have said get some snacks, toys for baby, mini fridge, coffee machine and tv in your room. If she asks be politely blunt- I need a bit of downtime, could you shut the door on your way out please?

Are there any local groups you can interest her in palm her off to for a few days a week, like lunch clubs, WI, knit and natter etc?

If all else fails can you invent some kind of minor family emergency yourself which necessitates you visiting your parents for a few days?

Next time don’t agree to 2 months unless you at least have a room for her!

Oh and yes to visiting friends who live in very small houses and/ or attending baby clubs which may or may not exist. If she asks to come tell her numbers are very strictly limited for health and safety reasons and it’s simply not possible.

The problem is having guests in very tight living conditions is a recipe for disaster, add in that it’s for roughly 2 months, add in a baby and.. it’s just a. Totally rubbish idea

I’d be expecting your DH to come up with a pretty comprehensive series of weekend activities for just the two of them to at least give you some breathing room then. Can he take her on a trip or can she visit other family for some of the time?

Otherwise I’d come up with a series of baby groups/library trips/errands etc that she couldn’t accompany you on because she’s a guest and can’t be doing chores etc. Or can you be more explicit in asking her for childcare and make the most of a break?

First thing in the morning when she starts to chat. Say "oh I'm still waking up...please can you make me a coffee...I'm not a morning person!"

Ask her to take baby for a walk so you can rest.

If you want to go on your own just say firmly "well I'm off for a walk on my own now, I know you won't mind, I just need to reset on my own, bye!"

People like her won't take a hint so just tell her.

Yes do an exchange next time

Or,

Try and break it up a bit. Are your parents in the UK? Can you visit them with the baby for a few days with the baby? That's polite enough to do. Or a weekend with a friend maybe? Can you get out of the house without her or does she need entertaining? Plenty of baby groups, walks, gym if she can look after the baby.

I’d be finding my self baby groups every morning and maybe take up running? She looks after the baby whilst you go for a ‘run’, even if it means sitting on a bench enjoying the silence for 45minutes.

who’s idea was it to invite her for 2 months?!

If she's just arrived she may calm down a bit, she may be trying to hard to fit in. Let her talk and just say that's nice or interesting or whatever and carry on with what you are doing.

Go back to work early??

At the moment I am taking breaks away from it in the toilet

^

😂 😂

Thanks everyone for the solidarity. I feel bad not to let her stay with us as she’s flown all way from Australia and I feel bad she’s missing out on the baby but we are such different personalities and she doesn’t seem to pick up on my body language when I am too drained to take interest in one of her anecdotes such as the time she didn’t know which train platform it was, that ends up being a 15 minute story.

I do want to ask her to help with baby so I can rest, exercise etc - she currently watches us while we cook and take care of baby while she chats, doing her crosswords on sofa. I just worry asking her is too rude but I think it’s what I need to do to avoid building resentment.

my DH is working and I’m coming up to the end of my maternity leave (I can’t bring it forward).

she does have some interests so I’ll see if there is anything local I can get her involved in. I also have some local NcT friends who also have small houses so I’ll ask to visit!

I think in these situations it's wise to just let her know that sometimes you need time without any chatting - first hour of the morning for example. You're happy to say "morning" but would appreciate an hour of no talking to get yourself going.

Just be upfront and honest. Don't keep schtum so it winds you up to explosion point.

I read the thread title that there had been more house guests but only one had survived.

What's your DH doing to help the situation?

Having your other half's parent to stay for two months with no spare room is a massive, massive ask.

He can jolly well:

Take her out for breakfast before work a couple of times a week
Take her for a walk in the evening with the baby
Make plans for at least one day each weekend that don't involve you
Etc

And don't feel guilty! Unless you volunteered for this. In which case, maybe think it over a bit more next time?

I would be making her babysit a lot.

Do you have any KIT days to use up?

This for your morning coffee 😁

Sympathy OP, that would drive me insane. Two things I would suggest. First, she's here to see the baby so make the most of this, leave baby with her and go and have a sleep, go out for coffee, meet a friend, go for a swim etc. Second, your DH needs to step up here, it's not on that he swans off to work leaving you to deal with his mum. He needs to arrange things for her to do, and go out with her and baby so you get time in the house by yourself. Be assertive 💪

Oh man all I can say is good luck, I feel
Your pain and you need to get DH to
Take his share
Of her, get her out ur feet at night etc.
Plan days out with ur pals even if it is a
Fib and get out the house.

OP - I think you just need to tell her that she's totally doing your head in.

Oh no the talking at you first thing in the morning 🫨 can your other half not bring you coffee and breakfast to your room so you can half an hour wake up in bedroom slowly.

Does she have no friends to visit or stay with in the uk to break this up? And yes other half needs to get involved and take some time off work to take her out. But if he is anything like my Dad, he would invite his mum round to stay then go sit in the garage. In fact do you have garage? Might need a tidy out 🤣