Couldn't understand neighbour and feel stupid.

[ThatsGoneAndDo]

I'm starting off by saying I am not well, mentally. I have Autism, chronic anxiety, OCD, agoraphobia and depression.

My husband is basically my carer and he's gone away for the weekend. If anyone ever knocks on I don't answer, he does.

We are new to the area and I don't engage with the neighbours, I just find it too difficult to socialise, so neighbours know DH but not really me.

The neighbour next door just knocked on and asked for DH. I shouldn't have answered but they knew I was in.

He has a strong accent and my dogs were barking. He asked if we had xyz. And I couldn't hear what he said.

He said your husband said he had XYZ

I said I don't know he's not here.

I think he wanted to borrow something but I just didn't know what he was saying and I said sorry I don't know and just shut the door on him.

I feel so stupid. I panicked and he probably thinks I'm nutty and so rude :(

I thought he said white wash and my head was spinning and i was thinking turps or white spirit?? but I'm thinking now maybe he was asking to borrow the jet wash?

I don't know. I feel like a total tit.

Why can't I just be normal.

Ah, don't worry about it. He's probably gone away thinking he upset you or something. I can never make head or tail of what people are saying when dogs are barking as well.

Do you ever talk to the neighbours, when your DH is with you? They are probably nice and if they understood that you aren't well, I'm sure they would be supportive. When I was a child, we had a neighbour who struggled to go out. She'd watch out of the window most of the time, and we'd wave to her. Sometimes she waved back, sometimes she didn't. She was nice enough.

Hopefully I can make you smile with my silliness.
I was in a garden center last week and there were 2 ladies and a guide dog collecting donations . We give a donation and my son is petting the beautiful guide dog and telling the lady sitting beside it that we also have a dog with the same name . The lady asks what she looks like so I show her a photo on my phone . It is only when the other lady said “she is showing you a picture of a black and white dog “ did I twig that I was showing a photo and the lady was blind. I was mortified, but she was so , so kind about it .

Can't you just ring your husband and ask him if he knows what the neighbour wanted?

I asked DH but because I couldn't hear what he was saying he has no idea either.

He said it could be jet wash but they've not talked about the jetwash, but he might have seen DH using it?

He hasn't a clue either.

Oh dear.
That would keep me up at night 😅🤣

That's what I'm worried about, that he will think I was annoyed at him for knocking on to borrow something??

No Dh talks / distracts them whilst I run inside.

Honestly don't worry. Years ago my neighbour who had a very strong Jamaican accent came over and asked to borrow something. I went to the freezer and then handed her some frozen peas. She cracked up laughing and said she wanted paste, wallpaper paste.

Apparently my partner had told her we had some. I was very embarrassed but she didn't care just thought it was very funny. I did recover!

I've worked myself up now that he's going to knock back on.

I wasn't clear that DH was away for the weekend, not just out. And his car is outside so I'm scared he's going to knock again :(

My husbands car, I mean. So neighbour will assume he is home and come back to ask again.

OP don't worry

The neighbour won't have given the interaction a second thought

He wasn't clear and he's probably thinking he came across as a bit weird himself

He'll probably wait till he sees your DH and call back then

If he knocks again which I doubt don't open the door

It's absolutely fine even if he knows you're in it's still fine to not open the door

Someone knocked on our door this evening - I didn't open the door but just asked who it was because none of us were expecting anyone. Turned out it was the wrong house or so he said.

I tend to just ask who it is on my side of the door before I open it - and if I don't want to open it I just don't

You can always just say I'm not feeling well

I can guarantee that he won't knock again or think anything about your interaction.

Honestly!

When I was little a lovely couple lived next door, they lived there all through my childhood and both died about 10 years ago. The husband had a speech impediment and I had loads of conversations with him and never once could I understand what he said.

Try not to think about it. Xxx

Really wouldn’t worry. He can ask your husband when he’s back.
You wouldn’t have upset me.

I'm partially deaf and have so many conversations where I've no real idea what is being said. I'm sure I must give some very odd answers to questions people ask me.spmetimes due to complete miss hearing them.

In fact when I was first going out with DH he said something to which I replied "I love you too" (the first time the L word had been said) only turns out he didn't say I love you. He still hasn't told me what he actually said.

I know a bloke like that. No impediment as such, just that he's from Newcastle.

Get your dh to go round and say "Sorry, ThatsGone couldn't hear what you were saying because the dogs were barking. Did you want to borrow something?"
That'll be fine.

I doubt he's thinking about it at all. If anything he's probably feeling a tit for bothering you and won't be back in a hurry.

But let's assume you're right, he's gone away thinking you're a bit odd, so what? It makes him even less likely to come back.

You really don't need to worry what people think about you. And you only answered the door because you knew he knew you were in and presumably you were worried about what he'd think if you didn't.

When DH gets home get him to pop round and say 'Mary said you needed something' so it looks like you passed a message on, which is the best you can do.

Find something to distract yourself now and remember you are not obliged to answer the door.

Could you go out with
your dh when he's back and talk to the neighbour?

You'd probably find it easier if you went out and said hello to some of the people you live next to. And then you wouldn't be worrying about this guy coming back to talk to you...

That must be hard, as I imagine your thought processes have you ruminating on the conversation and what might happen now.

You don't have to answer the door.

I'm autistic, in a very social and emotionally demanding job, and DH often goes to the door as I have neither energy nor patience to manage an unplanned interaction.

The other day I was tired, it was bright and hot, children were playing, and my daughter's nursery worker told me some information. I couldn't process it so said something completely random and out of context and walked off. Ultimately, she will think what she thinks and that's fine. I used to be quite anxious about other people's thought processes but really, i haven't hurt her and so it's not worth time and thought.

Years ago my boyfriend built a fancy roadster - it had big tires in the back and open chrome sort-of engine and was bright yellow. It was a convertible.
He let my friend and I take it out for a drive and we were stopped at a light and these two tough girls stopped next to us and began shouting abuse at us - filthy names, f**k you, you whore, and so on. I was scared to death and stared straight ahead, but they wouldn’t stop.
Finally, my friend yelled at me. ”Lizzie, they’re talking to YOU!!”
It caught us all off guard and even the scary girls laughed. We all laughed. Thank goodness for friends who don’t care if they get you beat up. 😂

Text or ring your DH and ask what it was? Then take whatever it is over and say sorry dogs were barking.🤷🏼‍♀️

My husband had no idea what he could be talking about either that sounds like 'white wash'

Why did you not just a) tell the dogs to shut up and then b) say to the neighbour, sorry I didn't quite catch that, what are you looking for/what do you want to do? With a bit of context you would have understood it.

I'm not so sure you're right, most people would find that interaction odd and be thinking about it later.