Couldn't understand neighbour and feel stupid.

[ThatsGoneAndDo]

I'm starting off by saying I am not well, mentally. I have Autism, chronic anxiety, OCD, agoraphobia and depression.

My husband is basically my carer and he's gone away for the weekend. If anyone ever knocks on I don't answer, he does.

We are new to the area and I don't engage with the neighbours, I just find it too difficult to socialise, so neighbours know DH but not really me.

The neighbour next door just knocked on and asked for DH. I shouldn't have answered but they knew I was in.

He has a strong accent and my dogs were barking. He asked if we had xyz. And I couldn't hear what he said.

He said your husband said he had XYZ

I said I don't know he's not here.

I think he wanted to borrow something but I just didn't know what he was saying and I said sorry I don't know and just shut the door on him.

I feel so stupid. I panicked and he probably thinks I'm nutty and so rude :(

I thought he said white wash and my head was spinning and i was thinking turps or white spirit?? but I'm thinking now maybe he was asking to borrow the jet wash?

I don't know. I feel like a total tit.

Why can't I just be normal.

Thankyou for that.

All these inconsiderate people, getting parkinsons and having head injuries, did they not think of how that would affect their relationship??

So selfish of them.

BTW my husband isn't very social either, though obviously not on the same level as me, but he would rather cuddle up with me on the couch and watch a film than go out anyway.
We are very well suited and love each other very much.

He has bi polar and PTSD, so it's not one sided.

We support each other.

Don't dismiss small talk completely, I've learned a lot from small talk that I wouldn't have known otherwise.

A neighbour informed me that my direct neighbour had applied for planning permission. It was for a huge double extension that would have blocked my natural light. I delayed a long distance trip so that I was home for when they posted the planning notification letter.

If I'd gone on that trip I wouldn't have been able to object to the planning application. If i didn't chat to my neighbour that day I wouldn't have known about the extension plans. My direct neighbour didn't tell me & was hoping that I wouldn't be around to object.

So don't dismiss small talk as something which is useless as it can be quite useful.

I don't care whether you wave or say hello, I don't care whether my neighbour waves or says hello either. My point is that he probably realises that you don't like conversations and he also probably doesn't give it much thought so you needn't either. Or maybe he thinks you're deaf/hard of hearing if you've really never interacted with him.

Small talk for the sake of smalltalk and for what?

I understand how difficult you find it, but for most people talking about the weather, the cancelled train or whatever oils the wheels of social interaction for those of us who can venture out.

Most people don't just strike up a deep meaningful conversation with someone they have just met so small talk is just used as a conversation opener.

I really feel for you, OP. Some of the replies you are getting here are really unfair. I think it's because you are married so therefore they think you can't be that disabled! If someone had posted this about their sibling or their adult child, the responses would be different.

For those saying they feel sorry for the husband, I seriously hope you don't ever become disabled and need to rely on your husband for care.

Did you miss that OP is autistic?

& @Ffrench

From later posts I see you mean this as helpful and see the view from the carer's side. But both these posts sound a bit like: "please be more normal". Saying "this is no way to live" for some problems in social interactions and some odd behaviours seems overly dramatic.
People have to live with physical disabilities which impact their day-to-day life considerably, have to live in unsuitable or dangerous apartments or in poverty. Compared to that, some non-standard behaviour is really not the end of the world.

Currently there are some threads going about which behaviours of people annoy others the most, and behaving a bit differently or appearing odd is nowhere near the top ten.
Much more common are inconsiderable behaviours, and I'd gladly send everyone to extra lessons about how to use headphones in public, offer a seat to impaired people, pick up their own trash, drive responsibly and not be DJ for your whole neighbourhood at 4 am.

People communicate in different ways, though. There are not only the two sides of deep conversation and superficial small talk.

People communicate through art, or through their work. For many persons with all kinds of disabilities, social media is an extremely helpful tool. Others only communicate in writing. Another group prefers having animals around instead of people.

Ever heard of the hermits who shut themselves away in caves, monasteries, towers and the likes in the past centuries? Many wrote religious or scientific texts or prayed or meditaded all day or whatever. No-one said they needed more small-talk. It was a respected thing to do.

Are you having any treatment specifically for your anxiety - I ask as a couple of friends of mine have had a great response to medication to tackle anxiety, and your response to a minor engagement with your neighbour seems very heightened, even though you don't want to have any sort of relationship with him.

I'm sure he just thinks you're a bit deaf, that's what I would think anyway.

People communicate in different ways, though. There are not only the two sides of deep conversation and superficial small talk.

I agree with this and your other points. I was just trying to explain small talk and how and why people communicate this way.