What would you do if you realised your chiropractor thought you fancied them?!

[MadamoiselleCocoa]

Hope the thread title makes sense!

Obviously this is not the most pressing thread on MN but I'm not sure what to do.

I've had a bad back since someone drove into my car about 5 months ago. I've been seeing a chiropractor to help realign everything and reduce pain while healing etc.

I've found a really good one, it was the second one I'd tried and he was much better than the first, let's call him Donald. I live in a big village and there aren't many chiropractors about, to add some context.

The last few times I've been Donald has been making it very obvious that he wants to tell me he is happily married, happy family etc. The last time I went, there was a family photo on the table next to the chair I sit on to wait for my appointment. Take my word for it I've realised he thinks I fancy him! Other hints too which would be too outing.

On the one hand it's amusing sort of but on the other I'm a bit annoyed about it because I really don't fancy him - I've always gone for scruffy intellectual types! - and it has made me feel uncomfortable.

Considering spending x amount each time is not cheap and now I'm starting to find it a bit stressful and he is reading into my reactions to conversations and my natural friendliness, I'm considering driving around 40 minutes each way to see another chiropractor- am in Scotland in the middle of nowhere.

What would you do? Carry on going to see Donald and sort of grey rocking him or finding another one altogether?

Thanks but yep in the context it was more than just a photo in an office!

I am torn between trying this and not really speaking much for a session or two to see whether that changes anything or driving further afield to find another chiropractor.

How much do you have to undress for the treatments? Wear baggy PE knickers and medical-strength pop-socks. Get a fake tattoo of Ross Kemp on the back of your thigh.

Although, this could backfire and trigger Donald's libido.

Lols I never wear make up for the chiropractic sessions and go in baggy clothes joggers etc... he definitely could not accuse me of dressing up!

I think if you become quiet and withdrawn, less chatty he might think you're upset at him which might make things more awkward. It could confirm to him that you have a crush on him.

If he knows you're single and you don't want to invent a perfect boyfriend you could try complimenting his wife and saying something positive about their relationship when he brings it up.

It's probably over inflated ego that thinks all women fancy him or something happened with another patient that made him more wary with female patients. Maybe had a recent ethics course and is panicking about how he might have come across to female patients..

He might or might not have discussed his patients/clients with his wife but if he is narcissistic or remotely attractive then there would be many other patients that he thinks fancy him and so you wouldn't necessarily be singled out in their conversation about patients. His wife might make a massive eye roll at his 'all patients fancy me' and she would know if her husband is a flirt. Some women don't mind if their husband flirts if it brings repeat customers and therefor money to cover their mortgage or fancy holidays.

I would weigh up the discomfort of driving 40 minutes for another Chiropractor and starting allover again with someone new vs staying with this Chiro. What is the best outcome for your physical and emotional wellbeing?

Donald fancies you, and is doing what he can to manage it, including projecting his feelings on to you.

Yes this... And it would make me very uncomfortable.

Yes I agree. He's not very bright is he?

@MyCatHatesSandals that made me laugh! Thanks. I suppose there's a very slim possibility of this but only in the sense I'm a woman with a pulse! Lols.

Do think you are turning a him problem into a you one. No idea how you are talking about family etc during a chiro apt (usually 20 mins) - mine is fully focused on the treatment.

I had one who got side tracked talking about his cycling who I ditched as it was not focused on the job he was been paid to do. Is Donald any good as a chiro?

Glad I could bring a laugh to your day! :) On the other hand I am serious, though. This is Psych 101. (I used to be a psychotherapist.)

To add: he may not even realise it himself. In which case there will be a nagging feeling that is deeply uncomfortable, which he is attributing to you.

This! The only fancying going on here is is from him, of you and himself! 🤣

Wow that's new information! He's definitely attributing whatever is there to me. Interesting.

Yes I suppose this is the dilemma. He is a great chiro and seems to be an expert with my back. I would rather keep seeing him than go through the hassle and travelling time of seeing someone else. But not if I feel uncomfortable there and as though I am behaving inappropriately somehow.

That's why projection is so confusing if you're the object - it's hard to step back and separate what is yours and what is the other person's.

Of course, I can't know any of this for sure, but going on your description and your confusion, I'd put money on it.

Not certain you'll be able to deal with it; and as much as he is a great chiropractor and they are hard to find where you live, I'd not be booking again.

Sounds like he is quite unprofessional. He probably fancies you and that's why you are picking up on the weird atmosphere and comments. I couldn't have someone regularly touching my body for medical/health reasons who behaved so awkwardly around me.

When I see my osteopath, we always talk about partners and children. She’s a 60 year old married (to a man) woman and I very much doubt she thinks I fancy her! She has family photos and drawings from her kids/grandkids all over the office.

I think you may be reading too much into this, unless you think he is setting the stage to assault you and call it ‘treatment’ and then play the happy family man card. Either way, I wouldn’t see a health care provider who made me feel uncomfortable, no matter the reason.

I found an osteopath was better for back pain than a chiropractor anyway, and they tend to focus on treating and getting you back out of there, whereas all the chiropractors I’ve seen wanted to see me for months and months of treatment (and £££).

@mindutopia No not reading into it more was said that I haven't shared on here. Chiro was definitely reminding me he was happily married etc. The photo appeared our of nowhere turned so it faced my chair a couple of inches from my chair. It had been placed there deliberately.

Chiro was definitely reminding me he was happily married etc.

Seriously a 'good for you' chirpy response might be all that is required here to knock all this on the head. Followed up by a 'now, how is my back progressing?'

@magicmushrooms guess so and I did do that but I came away thinking I'm not sure if I want to go there again!

Or maybe op's self declared "natural friendliness" is actually a bit OTT and is being misinterpreted?

No not really! But thanks for contributing :)

Hope it made you feel better!

He might have had an experience with someone else coming on to him (or worse) and he has promised his wife he will add pictures and mention her repeatedly 🤷‍♀️