What would you do if you realised your chiropractor thought you fancied them?!

[MadamoiselleCocoa]

Hope the thread title makes sense!

Obviously this is not the most pressing thread on MN but I'm not sure what to do.

I've had a bad back since someone drove into my car about 5 months ago. I've been seeing a chiropractor to help realign everything and reduce pain while healing etc.

I've found a really good one, it was the second one I'd tried and he was much better than the first, let's call him Donald. I live in a big village and there aren't many chiropractors about, to add some context.

The last few times I've been Donald has been making it very obvious that he wants to tell me he is happily married, happy family etc. The last time I went, there was a family photo on the table next to the chair I sit on to wait for my appointment. Take my word for it I've realised he thinks I fancy him! Other hints too which would be too outing.

On the one hand it's amusing sort of but on the other I'm a bit annoyed about it because I really don't fancy him - I've always gone for scruffy intellectual types! - and it has made me feel uncomfortable.

Considering spending x amount each time is not cheap and now I'm starting to find it a bit stressful and he is reading into my reactions to conversations and my natural friendliness, I'm considering driving around 40 minutes each way to see another chiropractor- am in Scotland in the middle of nowhere.

What would you do? Carry on going to see Donald and sort of grey rocking him or finding another one altogether?

@Michellebops I would say it's unlikely he is infatuated with me but he is acting strangely for sure. People say in life you should just be yourself but sometimes it backfires on you if you just chat away about stuff that's going on! I think in a regular therapist/ patient session you do chat about stuff sometimes like you would with a hairdresser if that makes sense. But will stop all of that now and just chat about the back. I'm sure he may have had some admirers in the past but I've only really seen him as a married family man I see to sort my back out. That's what's annoyed me!

Must be hard for Donald having to bat away admirers day in day out🙄

Quite @manonwelfling !

I think family pics are completely normal in HCP's offices, my GP has always had one, so has dentist and quite a few doctors in children's hospital. I certainly don't think they are for warding off potential admirers!

Just to confirm the photo hadn't been there before and it was a couple of inches from my chair. Also some of the things he said led me to.come to this conclusion sadly.

I would be dropping into my conversation:
Oh we went there/we are doing this for our anniversary etc..

I think I was witness to something like this the other day.

The chap behind the counter kept crow-barring his Wife into every sentence with a female customer. Eg: "Oh, I'll take my wife to see that film... Oh yes, my Wife got me that for my birthday... Yes, me and my Wife are having a Takeaway later.

I got the distinct impression he thought she fancied him, but she was just being friendly to my ears 😂

@Justleaveitblankthen this is it! I sort of wondered on my way home from the session whether Donald and daisy (his wife!) Had even had a chat about me and they'd decided it was time to bring out the family photo lols. Just feels a bit odd and off!

Even if you did fancy Donald which you clearly don't, it would be unethical of him to make a move on you, as his patient. Are you married? If so make a big show of your wedding ring so he doesn't get any ideas 😆

Im a massage therapist sometimes i mention my dp to male clients not cos i think they fancy me but to let them know I dont fancy them and we can all relax.

Oh god, this brings back awkward memories. Hard to believe, I know as it's such a coincidence, but I had this with a practitioner in a similar field I took my DC to years ago. He mistook my natural friendliness for flirting (I really wasn't) and started going on about his wife and pointing out photos of her etc. It made me feel really uncomfortable and I'm glad he was treating DS and not me. The man was an arrogant twat, quite frankly, good looking and absolutely knew it. His wife was welcome to him as he was not my type at all. I also decided he was a bit of a charlatan as whatever he was doing wasn't helping DS, so we stopped going.

OP, if I were you I'd find someone else.

I think the issue is that men presume any woman who gives them the time of day must fancy them as they don’t bother talking to women they don’t find attractive.

My XP was always convinced everyone fancied him because they’d spoken to him, or made a joke or picked up a (dietary requirement compliant) treat from the staff cafe for him at lunchtime. I’m pretty sure they were just being friendly and thoughtful as women do, but he took it as a big come-on.

i wouldn’t go back tbh as even if you grey rock him he’ll think it’s because you’re sad that he’s married! I’d find someone else and he wanted to know why I’d tell him I found him a bit over familiar and unprofessional!

Thanks @BigPussyEnergy what a name too lols. Yea I was thinking this. He might interpret the grey rocking as me being upset that he'd reminded me he was married. Which would be bloody irritating in itself. This is the issue, I'm sort of feeling I'm now going to be given messages from him I just can't be arsed with and if I behave differently he will somehow work it back to the fact he thinks I have a crush. It's a headache. Might see if there js someone more local. Its annoying he's a very good chiropractor

@DramaAlpaca so sorry you've been through this too. I never thought my chiropractor was an arrogant twat but now I can see he could be. If I was single and out and about at a bar or something I honestly wouldn't look twice at him. So not my type.

Are you making moaning noises when he is doing your back? 😂

I think I’d have to start filling the conversation with my own significant other (imaginary or real.) I loathe this kind of ego -
it suggests that perhaps dear Donald has issues and is trying to keep himself on the path away from temptation. Idiot.

i wouldn’t be so friendly with him/ but do remember, this may not be personal to you. He might do this with all woman patients.

@Newnamehiwhodis yes possibly. It's just tainted it for me and I don't want to go back to see him as its supposed to be relaxing and taking the stress out of my back and not adding to it. Just feels embarrassing now tbh.

It IS a headache! If he got it into his head that you want him, he won't be fobbed off easily😅

Maybe he just likes talking about his family.

@manonwelfling exactly and its not easy to drop into conversation that I'm only attracted to really clever guys who can intellectually impress me! Or maybe I should!

I think it sounds as though he may have had a bad experience with a client before - transference can happen in these types of relationships too. If you genuinely don’t think you fancy him nor have given off vibes, it’s a ‘him’ thing - but I would probably see another chiro for 6m with a view to going back if a new one is no good.

Not sure what is the more irritating; the fact that he thinks you fancy him or how thick he is being about it@MadamoiselleCocoa

@CautiousLurker I'm sure I've given off friendly vibes but that's it! Honestly no more friendly than the vibes he's been giving me!

Thanks @manonwelfling that's exactly it. It's cringeworthy.

I don't know, I would find it normal that someone mentions their family life after seeing them in a fairly intimate context/working in close physical proximity where a friendly conversation can ease any awkwardness and put the patient at ease. Family photos are normal in private practice. Having said this, there are definitely people out there with such huge egos to think that everyone fancies them and there are people who look at everyone with gooey eyes that gives the impression of flirting.... All you can do is control your own behaviour and reactions.

Go on and on boringly about how great your husband is, until he gets the message.